To not want to share the school run

[Winterfellwonderland]

To cut a long story short I need to nip it in the bud now. I don't want to.share the school run with someone who never takes their own kids and gets her parents/neighbors/random people and me. She asked me before Xmas if we could come to an arrangement but I feel that "arrangement" is just going to be me ferrying her kids about for free because I genuinely feel that she can't be relied on to ensure my lot get to school. So how do I make it clear it can't go on?

"That doesn't work for me"

Repeat as needed.

Just say you can't commit to anything. If she rings and asks on a particular day say "it doesn't work for me today".

How did you reply before Christmas when she first asked you and how exactly did you leave it?

What pictish said. You don't need to soften the blow. She targeted you because she's a user. Get a spine. You tell her NO, this doesn't work for me anymore. I'm not doing this anymore. FFS, what's it to you? She's not a friend.

Why not say you're not prepared to commit to anything regular but that you'd be happy to help out now and again in an emergency, but then have a dentist's appointment/swimming lesson/tea at Grandma's that day, what a shame!

I have been caught up in this sort of one-sided crap myself, but in the past. I have no problem in dealing with takers these days. I cheerfully say no I don’t want to. Too much of a commitment.
Remind yourself that you are under no obligation to this woman.

There are some really great scripts on here OP, so memorise a few and (this sounds stupid but it really works) get a friend or partner to role play with you a bit first. They be the CF and you can get comfortable saying no firmly.

Don't worry too much about hurting the CF's feelings - she will push it a bit but once she sees it isn't working, she will move on to someone else. You won't be the first person she's pushed too far with her cheeky fuckery and she'll have developed a keen sense of when to give up :)

Just laugh and treat it like a joke.

Ha ha I'd never tie myself down like that. Ha ha. Good one!!

Thanks everyone, next time she mentions a permanent arrangement I will say it won't work for me . Need to get brave lol

What's so funny about not standing up for yourself and allowing some cheap bitch to rip the piss out of you? Why are even doing it now? She's the equivalent of a school yard bully. Just stop doing FA for her. Tell her, 'Can't help you anymore,' and then block her. She knows damn well what she's doing.

Ignore the calls, texts?

No apologies, no explanations as then she will see it as not suiting on that particular day. Simply say you are not in a position to share the school run at all. And don't engage in further messaging or discussions. Ignore any further messages asking you to collect her kids. Don't open them so she will have to move on to some other doormat!

Alternatively play her at her own game. ‘That would be great, I was thinking of going back to work and now you can pick my kids up with yours and keep hold of them until I get back’.

I jovially herded a regular-lift-seeking colleague off at the pass recently. Her eyes lit up when she realised I live four miles along the road from her. “You can give me a lift!”

“Ohh ha ha no. I don’t go past your house and couldn’t make a commitment to you anyway...too many obligations on the go already.”

Just be honest. She can’t actually demand you do it.

When she texts, just say "Sorry, I can't" and ignore further texts. If you keep saying no she will move onto her next victim.

Sorry, I would like an arrangement myself but I have a few hospital appointments and stuff coming up so I can’t set anything in stone.

You need to also stop collecting her children not tonight is a perfectly reasonable answer . Remember this woman is not a friend .

And then just continue with your illness!😂😂 it could be life long!😂 I’m joking by the way, so hope nobody takes offense!

It will be uncomfortable telling her but better than being stuck in an arrangement you don't want.

Your kids will get fed up with them , too, so it doesn't just benefit you

I jovially herded a regular-lift-seeking colleague off at the pass recently. Her eyes lit up when she realised I live four miles along the road from her. “You can give me a lift!”

The cheek of her! As if she's doing you a favour, to not even ask, just present it as a fait accompli. I glad you noped her. So many wet blouses don't and then whinge.

Yes, just be honest. Had one of these at the DD's school. 'Afraid it's a no from me. I don't make informal arrangements on things like this and prefer to stick to professionals.' 'Oh, so you won't help?' 'Nope.' Because they're not wanting help but a freebie.

This gives me bad memories, the school where I taught once appointed a non-driving classroom assistant who didn't live on a convenient bus route but she was told 'Oh, Tilly will pick you up and take you home'! When I was told this and I said no way I was made to feel, by the management, really mean! Driving to and from work was my own time, no OH, children or pupils, I loved it.

You have to say no immediately. Realise that is by always easy but you need to think of a way of doing so or this will be a constant source of driving you mad

"Thanks everyone, next time she mentions a permanent arrangement I will say it won't work for me ."

I am one of those people who sometimes gets caught out on this, because I make the fatal mistake of needing to add on something else to "it won't work for me". An explanation, or an alternative suggestion, or even just some chit chat! Big mistake, as it gives the CF something to latch on to, to keep the conversation going and to turn it round!

So, knowing my tendency to do this, I now plan for it, by having my 'own request' at the ready! A request so outrageous that the CF will be so anxious to get away from my request that they cut the conversation as fast as they can.

For example, in response to 'sharing' the school run, I would say -
"No, that's not going to work for me. In fact, I'm really glad you approached me, because I was looking to have the opportunity to ask you if you could possibly take my DC to and from school for the the rest of this term?"
and, while their mouth is hanging open -

"Do you think?"
and, if they still haven't fled -
"Maybe a bit of next term too, but not much more than that?"

sorry I have other commitments coming up - I think you ned to find someone else - have you considered a reliable childminder - here's a few phone numbers -(written list) than run - quick quick children -bye!

Don't be such a wet lettuce lol

Just say no. No need to soften the blow lol