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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To confront aggressive honker?

74 replies

NarkedNewbie · 09/01/2019 12:45

Yesterday morning, two weeks after passing my driving test, I decided it was time to drive on my own to work for the first time. As I approached the roundabout to leave my village I spotted a car slowly edging out of a small driveway that is on the roundabout (to my right!) but isn’t really an exit so I slowed gradually to a stop to make sure I was safe to go. Within seconds, a car behind me is blasting these long aggressive honks at me for not being quick enough i suppose! I am happy to admit that a more experienced driver probably could have been off before the next car came round, but was there really any need to honk and gesticulate and wake up the whole neighbourhood over a 5 second wait?? In fact he made it take even longer because I had to look around wandering wtf was going on and then compose myself ready to move off!

Then as soon as I was over the roundabout and driving at the speed limit he overtakes me honking again and glaring at me! At that point he was really making a twat of himself but I didn’t retaliate at any point. I wish I got out of the car at the roundabout and asked him what the fuck his problem was but I didn’t want to delay the innocent people behind him!

Because our village is small and not really used as a rat run, he must live locally. AIBU to find him, knock on his door and tell him to fuck off?!

OP posts:
Redglitter · 09/01/2019 12:55

Welcome to the world of motoring. Youll encounter people like him again sadly. Just ignore them. Dont ever get out and confront someone people have been hurt and killed doing that.

As for hunting him down & going to his house - slight over reaction??

You cant let these idiots get to you

Oysterbabe · 09/01/2019 12:58

People are cunts behind the wheel OP, try not to let it knock your confidence. It definitely isn't worth a confrontation. There are stories all the time of people being seriously assaulted or even killed by these pricks.

Original poster
NarkedNewbie · 09/01/2019 13:09

You are right, it probably is an overreaction, but I am soo pissed off. I made it to work safely (in fact I was right behind him at the very next roundabout so he got exactly nowhere) and as soon as I parked, I was shaking. I am scared to drive home tonight now. I am disgusted and shocked that a man in his 60s would act like that! I bet he would have shat himself if i got out and confronted him!

OP posts:
umpteennamechanges · 09/01/2019 13:10

Don't ever get out of the car and confront them. It's the kind of thing I would like to do but sadly it's really not advisable as your priority needs to be to keep yourself safe.

However do feel free to throw in a few choice hand gesticulations at them and to mouth 'go fuck yourself dickshit' from the safety of your car.

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 09/01/2019 13:16

Yeah other drivers are arseholes. I've been driving for years but it used to really shake me. That sort of aggression can be dangerous.

You can buy green "P" plates to show other drivers that you are a new driver. Not that you should have to but it might keep the slighty arseholey ones at bay. Proper arseholes will be arseholes regardless.

I'd be tempted to knock his door but he'll probably be equally unpleasant face to face.

CustardCreamLover · 09/01/2019 13:17

Actually if you slowed to a stop for no apparent reason in front of me is honk you as well. Just because someone is reversing slowly out of a drive doesn't mean you need to stop. You have right of way not them. It's not your job to police the roads 'just in case'. As you said they were going slowly so it wouldn't have been a hazard.

DorisDances · 09/01/2019 13:17

Never get out the car and please don't let it shake your confidence. Well done on passing your test and sadly, welcome to the world of driving where people can go a bit loopy and self entitled behind the wheel. I wonder if it is because they dont have any control or power in any other area of their life and have to take it out on other road users.

Original poster
NarkedNewbie · 09/01/2019 13:21

One pip I would’ve said fair enough. (Even though the Highway Code does state that the horn is to be used to make others aware of your presence only, not to reprimand other drivers). This was a succession of long aggressive unnecessary honks at 8 am on a residential street!

OP posts:
TheNavigator · 09/01/2019 13:30

Actually if you slowed to a stop for no apparent reason in front of me is honk you as well.

And you would have been in the wrong to do that. What is the matter with you? A wee bit patience is all that is required, there is no need to hit the horn at the slightest delay - I presume you aren't delivering a live organ to transplant so it really is not necessary.

OP, please ignore such ignorance - they will have passed their test years ago, when it was much easier and consequently drive like clowns. Deep breath, ignore, never let it rattle you.

Branleuse · 09/01/2019 13:42

get back in the car, brush it off and start again.
It can be annoying if someone is super over cautious in front of you, but no reason for people to be aggressive. It is almost exclusively something that men drivers do to female drivers. I was in the wrong lane once and had to slow down for a few seconds in order to change lane, whereupon the bloke in the car behind me, overtook and yelled SLAG into my passenger window, where my 10 year old daughter was sitting.

The more you drive, the more confident you will get though. You know you were in the right. If in doubt, its better to take a bit of extra time, and the person behind you can go fuck themselves if they dont like it.

CustardCreamLover · 09/01/2019 13:49

To be fair I wouldn't have done what he did but if there is no obvious reason to stop you are actually causing a hazard.

People who are scared to drive on the roads just shouldn't be driving. Simple.

CustardCreamLover · 09/01/2019 13:50

I do agree with PP though. Get yourself some green P plates, it makes other drivers more aware that you aren't as experienced.

PaddyF0dder · 09/01/2019 13:52

Just let it go. A big part of learning to drive is just learning to ignore people like that.

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 09/01/2019 13:52

I once rang 999 after witnessing a driver who had been cut up by another driver - force him to stop his car and set about it /him with a screwdriver he got from his boot.
Never confront a driving dick is my advice.
I am no snowflake but hell it was scarey!!

KurriKurri · 09/01/2019 13:53

I hate honkers - but I;d agree with PP who said don;t confront anyone these people are aggressive enough to honk out of irritation, don;t put yourself ina potentially dangerous situation.

my attitude is that people can honk all they like, I am the person making the judgement - based on the situation (often people honk when they can't actually see why you have stopped or are waiting) my car (mine's nippy - I've driven ones that aren;t though), my assessment of other drivers on say a roundabout (eg you can tell if someone is a dozy so and so and hasn't clocked you) my own ability as a driver and all of those things.

the main thing is never to allow people to change your driving decision because they are being aggressive. You make your decisions based on all the information around you and you update it and reasses it in an ongoing way. They need to concentrate on their own driving and fuck off

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 09/01/2019 13:57

I Image I have flash cards to hold up at offending fools.
My favourite would be :
It's a 60 limit so put ya bloody foot down!
Makes me feel a bit better!!

MiniMum97 · 09/01/2019 13:57

Some people are just unreasonable arseholes HOWEVER when this type of thing happens to me I try to say to myself that maybe they have had an awful week/month/year and just lost it over a small issue. Maybe they are late for work and are at risk of being fired. Maybe they are on their way to hospital and panicking about a relative/missing the birth of their child.

Probably none of those things but could possibly also be one of those things so helps me feel less angry.

Hope that helps.

BIgBagofJelly · 09/01/2019 14:00

YANBU. Some drivers are so aggressive. One driver followed me off a roundabout and started making really aggressive gestures while I had my son in the car. I still have literally no idea what I did wrong that time. TO be fair I've also encountered people who were incredibly patient when I first started driving.

Howdoyoudoit31 · 09/01/2019 14:04

you really need to let it go.

Quoting the Highway Code will get you no where when getting into an argument. Loads of people honk there horn when someone’s being too slow specially as there was no need for you to slow down.

Just get over it, you will have loads more encounters like this. Wait until you have someone on your ass because your driving too slow..

HPface · 09/01/2019 14:05

Exact same thing happened to me after I passed my test. I was on my way to buy some P plates (the irony) and stopped at a roundabout to give way and the woman behind me blared her horn and went crazy. I then panicked and continued to stall over and over so in the end she caused herself to wait even longer. Turned out she was going to Tesco too, not sure what she needed that was important enough to make me terrified on my first drive out.

Unfortunately it's just the way it is on the roads and once you've got a bit more confidence driving you'll just get used to it.

blackteasplease · 09/01/2019 14:05

Drives can be unreasonable arseholes as othera have said. You can't let it get to you. You got to work fine so well done. You'll get back fine too.

I also agree with not getting our to confront anyone as sometimes it can turn nasty. I think there are more and more ride drivers these days. Since when did it become acceptable to make threatening gestures at people because they have slightly inconvenienced you? Not to mention that most people who make the gestures were in fact in the wrong.

Bibbing the horn should only be to alert others to your presence I agree. It's particularly annoying as it can startle other drivers, including those who aren't even involved, and pedestrians!

Ragaroo · 09/01/2019 14:06

My husband almost missed the birth if our first child and had to drive 40 mins to get to me. He had people like you to deal with on the journey and he got irate and I don't blame him. Just remember some people are arseholes, and some have a genuine reason to be rushing. Not being hesitant comes with experience, I would get a P plate for now if I were you and stop taking so much offense. One day that irate driver may be you!

Amore22 · 09/01/2019 14:06

You were right to slow down op and mdke sure the person reversing stopped. I have been driving for 20 years and had someone reverse into my path a few months ago, crashing into my car. Honkers and impatient people are annoying but it is their problem, not yours. Don't let it affect your day. A cheery wave in the rear view mirror riles them even more. Let their blood pressure go up, not yours!!

TheQueef · 09/01/2019 14:08

Did you have your green P on? It makes me give the benefit.

Birdsgottafly · 09/01/2019 14:10

It would be better to find out we're he lives and report him for dangerous driving or driving without due care and attention, even if it goes nowhere.

Get a dash cam, next time he won't get away with it.