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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To confront aggressive honker?

74 replies

NarkedNewbie · 09/01/2019 12:45

Yesterday morning, two weeks after passing my driving test, I decided it was time to drive on my own to work for the first time. As I approached the roundabout to leave my village I spotted a car slowly edging out of a small driveway that is on the roundabout (to my right!) but isn’t really an exit so I slowed gradually to a stop to make sure I was safe to go. Within seconds, a car behind me is blasting these long aggressive honks at me for not being quick enough i suppose! I am happy to admit that a more experienced driver probably could have been off before the next car came round, but was there really any need to honk and gesticulate and wake up the whole neighbourhood over a 5 second wait?? In fact he made it take even longer because I had to look around wandering wtf was going on and then compose myself ready to move off!

Then as soon as I was over the roundabout and driving at the speed limit he overtakes me honking again and glaring at me! At that point he was really making a twat of himself but I didn’t retaliate at any point. I wish I got out of the car at the roundabout and asked him what the fuck his problem was but I didn’t want to delay the innocent people behind him!

Because our village is small and not really used as a rat run, he must live locally. AIBU to find him, knock on his door and tell him to fuck off?!

OP posts:

Poloshot · 09/01/2019 15:20

Sounds like he thought you slowed to let him out then sped up. Which is probably his issue

CantWaitToRetire · 09/01/2019 15:22

People who are scared to drive on the roads just shouldn't be driving. Simple.

Seriously? Not everyone on the roads has been driving a long time. You have to allow for newbies who are still getting to grips, and nerves in the early days are understandable.

OP, this won't be the last twat you encounter unfortunately. The roads are full of them. A lot of people don't even bother slowing or stopping at roundabouts nowadays, they just aggressively keep driving, even though you're approaching from their right. They just expect your reactions to be good and avoid them!

PoisonousSmurf · 09/01/2019 15:24

Get yourself a 'P' plate and a dashcam. I've been driving over 30 years and everyone else is a moron on the road.
Keep to the rules and don't retaliate. But I'd be walking around your village and if you see the car, leave a nice 'egg' surprise on the windscreen...

redredrobins · 09/01/2019 15:28

The drivers that really annoy me are those that drive at 40 no matter what the speed limit is! including through villages where the limit is 30.
I don't beep them though, there is no point, I just wait for a safe overtaking opportunity and leave them behind to annoy someone else.

ThereIsNoSuchThingAsRoadTax · 09/01/2019 15:41

Actually if you slowed to a stop for no apparent reason in front of me is honk you as well. Just because someone is reversing slowly out of a drive doesn't mean you need to stop. You have right of way not them. It's not your job to police the roads 'just in case'.

You have a duty to avoid an accident where possible, even if it might be caused by someone else's actions. If you saw someone edging out and took no precaution to avoid them, you would be partially liable for any accident.

OP, you may have been more hesitant than a more experienced driver would be, but don't let bad behaviour get to you and don't listen to idiots on the internet who weren't there.

Whisky2014 · 09/01/2019 15:44

"Edging out" hardly describes a car coming round a roundabout at speed. It wasnt even on the roundabout! The op was too cautious here which is why she got honked at. Not saying the honking is right but I understand it.

Satsumaeater · 09/01/2019 15:53

My mum always says that if you have time to beep you have time to brake. She's right although there is usually time to beep too

I WILL lean on the horn if someone does something that endangers my life* but in the situation you describe? Ludicrous.

I'd like a pedestrian horn for the drivers who can't comply with rule 170 of the Highway Code though. "watch out for pedestrians crossing a road into which you are turning. If they have started to cross they have priority, so give way"

*overtaking a cyclist while I am coming towards you and expecting me to disappear being the usual example. Flippin well wait.

gamerchick · 09/01/2019 15:54

I got far more grief with the P plates than I did when I took them off. Clag one to your bonnet maybe but leave it off the back. Definitely get cameras though.

I slow down when someone's up my arse as well. Just no need.

rememberatime · 09/01/2019 15:57

I am a relatively new driver too and I recommend the P plates. it made me feel less self conscious when I hesitated.

But to put another side to some drivers.... I had an older man, maybe in his late 60's, come up to me in a car park to say he had followed me for quite a distance and he wanted to congratulate me on how well I drove - in particular, my use of indicators. He said it was a pleasure to drive behind someone who clearly showed what her intentions were at every junction, roundabout and turning.

If you think about the drivers around you, people really do appreciate it.

I am always acknowledging people too. A short wave of thank people for letting you in, for when you know you've been a bit slow or hesitated a little too much. Always wave to apologise if you stall etc. It diffuses any anger they might have, if you just let them know you appreciate them waiting.

And for those people saying that if you are not a confident driver, you shouldn't be on the road... remember that your instructor decided you were capable and that confidence doesn't always equal safety.

ambereeree · 09/01/2019 15:57

Have to agree with @Whisky2014 you didn't have to slowdown. You should keep driving as you have right of way. The driver behind you may have had to slam the brakes on so was understandably annoyed.

Pk37 · 09/01/2019 16:00

You need to have a thick skin to drive .
People can be twats but you just have to get on with it

Gatehouse77 · 09/01/2019 16:05

Nah, when I come across tossers on the road I'm more than happy to let them go in front of me so I can see what they're doing.

lostelephant · 09/01/2019 16:06

I swear drivers these days are in much more of a rush than they were a few years ago, people are always getting overly annoyed at the slightest inconvenience.

Try and forget about it OP, he's not worth your time.

tackybell · 09/01/2019 16:09

Someone was doing about 40 on a 60 section of motorway (not left hand lane either) in front of me - I was keeping a reasonable distance but they kept giving me the middle finger in the rear view mirror?! Still not sure what that was about

Branleuse · 09/01/2019 16:19

i do think that maybe you were too polite in giving a person who wasnt even on the roundabout yet, time. That sort of politeness is nice as a pedestrian but totally unnecessary as a driver. Give it a few months/weeks and you wont be waiting for that sort of shit.

PissOffPeppa · 09/01/2019 16:24

I agree about P plates being useful. I heard a lot about how pointless they were so I didn’t bother at first. After getting beeped a lot though, I thought I’d try them out and I didn’t get a single beeper after that. Instead, I got lots of people letting me out at junctions and giving me lots of space.

When someone drove into me at a roundabout a few days after I passed (his fault- he didn’t stop to look before entering), a very kind witness noticed the P plates and reassured me that she’d seen the whole thing and I’d done everything correctly. I’m sure she would have been just as kind without the P plates but they were really useful for getting that reassurance since the first thing I thought was “Oh God I’ve fucked up”

Bigonesmallone3 · 09/01/2019 16:33

One time someone beeped at me when I was goin all the way around a mini roundabout, I had my indicators on and was prepared to break as I know it can be unexpected but still I was in the right, as we drove off I looked in my rear view and she was giving me the wanker sign.
Rage took over me, I slammed on my breaks and got out of my car.
And said 'how dare u call me a wanker when u just pulled out on me'
'Ok ok I'm sorry!'
On reflection it was a silly move i could of been confronting anyone! BUT just goes to show how people are warriors in there car but confronted they crumble!
I drove off satisfied and she drove of feeling silly!

tackybell · 09/01/2019 16:40

It's not really to do with 'politeness' though, it's about minimising risk. Often you can't tell if someone's going to pull out of a driveway willy-nilly or just try and butt in, so the safest thing can be to slow down and see what they do

CustardCreamLover · 09/01/2019 17:40

@NarkedNewbie considering your changed your story then good luck with their drivers who get pissed off with you driving like a numpty!

Original poster

NarkedNewbie · 09/01/2019 18:09

CustardCreamLover you were the one who added the detail that the car was reversing out of the driveway, not sure where you got that from in my OP The roundabout has two main exits from my approach- left or straight across. The taxi was emerging from what would probably be referred to as a service road on my right. Not a true exit that the public would use as there is no through road. Hence my description “not really an exit.”

Anyway, I printed off a P plate and stuck it in my window on the way home and I felt like people were giving me some space which was nice. I never had any problems with impatient drivers when I was a learner (even had an ambulance let me through a tight road once!) so I’m hoping the local drivers are going to be similarly understanding with the P plate

OP posts:

Whisky2014 · 09/01/2019 18:33

It's you who is the one being honked at OP. You described the car as edging, not at the roundabout yet but also that you're 1ltr car couldn't cope with the taxi "whizzing'. So which is it? Edging or whizzing?
I can just imagine what you are like.
P plates are excuses for being a shit driver imo.

Like I said before, I think you would benefit from an advanced driving course.

Original poster

NarkedNewbie · 09/01/2019 18:46

It was edging out in order to get a view of the road which I could see was clear, but they couldn’t see due to bad visibility from their position. I was anticipating it “whizzing” once it moved on to the roundabout given the fact that it was being driven by a taxi driver (no offence to any taxi drivers, my DP is a taxi driver so I see his “assertive” driving first hand!) and the fact that it was a much larger, most likely diesel car that can “whizz” off a lot faster than me.

OP posts:

TheNavigator · 09/01/2019 18:48

NarkedNewbie ignore the goady posters, they sound like classic horn honkers - I bet you are a far better driver than them.

Whisky2014 · 09/01/2019 18:51

It was edging out in order to get a view of the road which I could see was clear, but they couldn’t see due to bad visibility from their position.
So that should indicate to you it was ok for you to go...

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