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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To confront aggressive honker?

74 replies

NarkedNewbie · 09/01/2019 12:45

Yesterday morning, two weeks after passing my driving test, I decided it was time to drive on my own to work for the first time. As I approached the roundabout to leave my village I spotted a car slowly edging out of a small driveway that is on the roundabout (to my right!) but isn’t really an exit so I slowed gradually to a stop to make sure I was safe to go. Within seconds, a car behind me is blasting these long aggressive honks at me for not being quick enough i suppose! I am happy to admit that a more experienced driver probably could have been off before the next car came round, but was there really any need to honk and gesticulate and wake up the whole neighbourhood over a 5 second wait?? In fact he made it take even longer because I had to look around wandering wtf was going on and then compose myself ready to move off!

Then as soon as I was over the roundabout and driving at the speed limit he overtakes me honking again and glaring at me! At that point he was really making a twat of himself but I didn’t retaliate at any point. I wish I got out of the car at the roundabout and asked him what the fuck his problem was but I didn’t want to delay the innocent people behind him!

Because our village is small and not really used as a rat run, he must live locally. AIBU to find him, knock on his door and tell him to fuck off?!

OP posts:
Original poster
NarkedNewbie · 09/01/2019 14:14

I don’t think giving way to a car on my right that is about to enter the roundabout is the wrong thing to do? It is a small taxi rank and not a chance my 1 litre car was making it out of the way in time of a whizzing taxi! Never had any issues with hesitation on my driving lessons, just being extra careful not to have to brake suddenly or stall whilst I’m still getting used to the car.

Thanks all, I just needed some reassurance before I have to get in the car again later! If I encounter similar dickheads in future I will be sure to smile and wave, the idea is cracking me up Grin

OP posts:
TheNavigator · 09/01/2019 14:21

My husband almost missed the birth if our first child and had to drive 40 mins to get to me.

Better than missing them growing up due to causing an accident by driving impatiently. There is no excuse to be made for rude and aggressive driving and most men who passed their test years ago don't drive nearly as well as they think they do.

OP, you were in the right, just let it go. Your driving confidence will build with time and it will become easier to deal with arsehole behaviour on the roads.

danni0509 · 09/01/2019 14:21

I passed in October op.

The week I passed I got beeped at twice, one of those times was by a woman who did what you described, held her hand on the horn for about 10 seconds. total bitch. I still can't figure what I had done wrong, maybe going to slow for her, not actually sure! but It really put me off and I didn't go out in my car for about a week after that.

I got a new driver sticker in my back window and not been beeped at once since.

How do you find driving? I'm still not feeling great about it tbh, but hopefully that will come.

What I will say though your not the only one getting beeped at. I pay attention to it now and have seen a few people getting beeped at for various reasons.

And on the flip side I see something at the weekend, a bloke struggled to get out of a space, cars parked right behind him and it was really tight so took him a good 5 mins to get out shunting back and forth. I was watching thinking thank fuck that's not me having to do that Grin he was holding quite a lot of traffic up in the process and not one person beeped him they all sat and waited patiently.

Whisky2014 · 09/01/2019 14:24

Oh god. You're quoting the highway code about honking horns. Very naive. Get used to it. It won't be the worst thing you'll come across. You made it safely to work? Good, you should since you passed your driving test!

Original poster
NarkedNewbie · 09/01/2019 14:31

Danni I’m loving being able to step out of my house and go where and when I want to go- no buses required! However I do secretly miss the time to myself I had on the bus to read and listen to music and not worry about parking.

It’s a real learning curve having to go with the flow rather than sticking to the hard and fast rules. I’m still getting used to entering and exiting a roundabout in the right hand lane on my way to work! It seemed so wrong at first as you are taught to move over to the left before you want to exit. But I’m getting the hang of it and I am trying to push myself, although I still get antsy before I set off. We will get there eventually!

OP posts:
Littlechocola · 09/01/2019 14:33

People are arseholes. Ignore them.

user1473069303 · 09/01/2019 14:37

There's plenty of self-righteous cunts around, all thinking they're perfect drivers. Makes me laugh.

The way I see it is that we're all guilty at some point or another of causing annoyance to other drivers, so best to just chill the fuck out and accept that no-one's perfect.

MereDintofPandiculation · 09/01/2019 14:37

Just because someone is reversing slowly out of a drive doesn't mean you need to stop. They weren't reversing, though. OP says they were "edging".

As a rough rule of thumb, if you reach the roundabout at the same time as someone to your right, you're OK to go, because by the time they've gone from their exit to opposite yours, you're already out of the way.

But while your confidence is building, I find it helps to say out loud "you'd be delayed even more if I had an accident"

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 09/01/2019 14:40

There is the the Gentle pip of the horn to let someone know you are there, there is the slightly firmer Oi!, then there is the utter arsehole leaning on the horn.
You will have been taught to keep both hands on the wheel at all times apart from when changing gear etc, but this does include being allowed to remove one hand briefly to flip the middle finger to horn leaning twats.

Original poster
NarkedNewbie · 09/01/2019 14:40

Whisky2014 I also stated that I would’ve accepted a pip of the horn. However I figure if the old twunt is such an expert at driving he ought to know the rules about blaring the horn too!

OP posts:
SharedLife · 09/01/2019 14:42

You need to learn to let these things go, there are a lot of aggressive twats driving around on the road, don't them drive around your head too.

CustardCreamLover if the hazard isn't apparent to you, the driver behind, tough luck, it doesn't mean there isn't one. Not being the car at the junction, you cant see all the potential hazards. You wait until you're first at the junction, then it's your turn to make decisions about whether hazards are apparent or not. Have a little patience.

HisBetterHalf · 09/01/2019 14:46

Get a dash cam

Whisky2014 · 09/01/2019 14:47

Narked, it really doesnt matter what you will "accept". You need to deal with stuff like this because it's just what happens.
He will know the rules as we all do but you will have your eyes opened soon enough about how many rules are broken on the road every day. Don't be the driver who flashes lights when someone overtakes when they shouldnt.

Maybe you should take an advanced driver course, I think it could help with your confidence.

Singlenotsingle · 09/01/2019 14:48

I usually wave and smile sweetly when an aggressive driver hoots his horn at me. (Don't know that it helps though.).

Mushroomsarehorrible · 09/01/2019 14:55

My husband almost missed the birth if our first child and had to drive 40 mins to get to me

How ungracious of everyone that didn't hurry up and get out of the bloody way. They clearly didn't get the memo that the world revolves around your husband Hmm

Gresley · 09/01/2019 14:55

If I confronted every driver who acted like a prick I'd have a full-time job! What they don't teach you in driving lessons is how to cope with this sort of thing (well, in fact my instructor told me that if they get right close up behind you in the hope that you'll go faster even though you are driving at the speed limit, just drive even slower). No, sorry, but welcome to the world of motoring. It would be lovely if everyone drove according to the highway code, but that's a thing of the past - once they pass the test, it goes out of the window. Just stick to your guns - you know what's right and safe, so stick to it, and don't let the bastards grind you down. Don't gesticulate though - I did that once, and when I arrived had to lock myself in my car for fear of being attacked. The other driver only got back into his car and stopped threatening me when someone came along and persuaded him it wasn't worth it.

Severide08 · 09/01/2019 14:56

Take no notice OP the more you drive the less it will bother you .They may have been having a bad day or they just be a generally unpleasant person .My DS passed his test 3mths ago and lives in a city now .He sticks to the speed limit because he has a black box in his car to hopefully lower his insurance when he renews and main reason because it is the law .He has had people tailgate him and get annoyed on his way to work or when he is out because he is sticking to the speed limit .Doesn't bother him in the slightest he just ignores them completely Grin.

PregnantSea · 09/01/2019 14:59

It would be unreasonable to do this but honestly, if I'd had a really bad day and he annoyed me enough, I would consider too.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/01/2019 14:59

Unfortunately there are 100s of these arseholes all over the place.

Sorry he made your first solo trip to work stressful, but as you get more experienced, it will bother you less. Keep going steady and safe, and you'll be fine.

Water off a duck's back to me now!

Mookatron · 09/01/2019 15:05

Don't let people behind you bully you into doing something you otherwise wouldn't. 'Apparently no reason' is just that - apparent. And if someone is behind you they can't see exactly what you can so they don't know what they're talking about. Put it like this - how did he know that a small child had not fallen down in front of you and its parent was stooping to pick it up? He didn't.

I cannot stand aggressive beepers.

However don't follow him and have a go as he might punch you in the face, being the aggressive type. Just trust in your driving ability and know you did the right thing. Holding someone up behind you for 5 seconds is never dangerous unless THEY decide to do something dangerous, and that is NOT your fault.

Everanewbie · 09/01/2019 15:09

Don't let it bother you. Unfortunately inpatient arses are a fact of life on the roads.

I once had a bad day in work, followed by the worst traffic in living history on the way home. When the queue finally started moving the girl in the car in front stalled, meaning that we couldn't get through the lights. I honked and swore, and banged my fists like a right psycho. She looked up in the mirror, smiled meekly and mouthed "sorry". Never have i ever felt so small and stupid and upset that i had maybe intimidated a new driver. Although it had never really been typical behavior of me, it made me think more than any shouting, screaming etc. that I was a complete tool and i should moderate my behavior.

It ain't you OP, its them.

Tony2 · 09/01/2019 15:09

Nothing wrong with quoting the highway code, given the number of people who crow about the law when two milliseconds reading it will prove them comprehensively wrong. It is fatuous to suggest you should just get over it because worse happens. Obviously drivers are frequently bellends if not psychopaths. A poster said they might honk if there was no apparent reason for you to slow down. They're an idiot. You, the driver ahead, make your reasonable judgement, they potentially commit an offence if they do not maintain a safe stopping distance between them and you and if they don't like it, tough. They don't get to decide what is apparent. Another poster said you could be a hazard. Same cobblers, same reason. The highway code, again, is clear where you may or may not stop. Provided you have stopped in accordance with those requirements, then you have every right to. Ignore the dickhead behind, they'll just have to wait. As far as it being excusable to drive like a dick to a birth, yeah sure, provided hubby is happy to accept sending someone else's child early into the next life. It's utterly idiotic and inexcusable. Logic applies. Anyway good luck, think calm thoughts, never confront idiots, and stay au fait with the code, it will stand you in good stead, and make you one of the top 1%,!

badlydrawnperson · 09/01/2019 15:09

I sympathise - I get honked at a badly designed roundabout near us where there's a yellow box I can't enter as the egress is blocked - but the twunt behind always wants me to move. I did have a word with one of them but it's waste of time as they have no clue how to actually drive.

Best to just ignore 'em.

Whilst we're on, I'd like to apologise (not) to the twunt in the BMW who I was holding up (not for long) by driving cautiously this morning as it was icy.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 09/01/2019 15:12

just wave cheerily as they beep....it fairly takes the wind out of their sails.

I do the same to tail gaters who just want to be in front of me....being 2 feet in front of me is not going to make ALL the traffic in front of us magically disappear, so back off, I SEE YOU! and your twatty headlights

Mushroomsarehorrible · 09/01/2019 15:15

Everanewbie and Tony2 what reasonable human beings you are Star

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