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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my 2 year old screaming on the bottom step?

55 replies

Passthepigs · 09/01/2019 08:32

DS is 26 months. He wanted my orange juice in a glass. I poured some out into a plastic beaker for him but he wanted the glass. Big tantrum and screaming for glass which I ignored.

He has now just thrown my empty glass across the lounge. Luckily on to carpet so no breakages but he has been told off and put on the bottom step. He is now screaming the place down, not restrained to the step in any way but is choosing to sit there and stage his huge tantrum!

AIBU to completely zone out and leave him! I have no idea how to discipline a 2 year old!!

OP posts:
TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup · 09/01/2019 08:36

I would totally ignore him. Obviously move the glass and keep an eye he doesn't do anything to hurt himself. Id maybe try distraction after a little while, sit with something shiny/glittery/noisy that is soooooo interesting. He'll probably give up screaming and come over to see it.

It's a phase. My 5yo DD is currently going through a stamping, growling, crying dramatic phase. It's exhausting and I've bodily lifted her out of situations over the last few weeks but I know it will pass (please let it pass soon!)

gimmeadoughnut123 · 09/01/2019 08:38

IMO no it's ok to leave him there whilst he has his melt down. Once he has calmed down, sit down with him and talk about why he was on the step and give him a cuddle. Calmly explain mummy gave you some orange juice like you asked but said no to a glass, so you threw a glass which could have broken and hurt you. Doesn't have to be a long explanation as they don't have the capacity to fully understand it all.

Probably going to get flamed for saying it's ok to leave him on the step but personally I do ignore tantrums and go for talking and a cuddle after it's over.

caffeinebuzz · 09/01/2019 08:50

DD is 21 months and has started with the tantrums. I let her get on with it, then loads of cuddles and an explanation once she's calmed down a little.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 09/01/2019 08:54

Leave him to it then once he’s calmed down try and talk to him and explain how his behaviour in unacceptable.

My dd was a lovely 2 yr old but turned into a screaming banshee at 3. Flowers

Strongmummy · 09/01/2019 08:54

Ignore him. He’ll stop eventually. Once he’s calmed down put him on your lap and gently explain why his behaviour was wrong. Then give him a big kiss and cuddle and get on with your day together

Jackshouse · 09/01/2019 08:57

I am a bit of an attachment parent. The best thing I can do for DD when she is tantruming is to completely leave her. Any intervention, talking or cuddles just makes things 10 times worse. I try to sit in eye sight of her.

Booboostwo · 09/01/2019 08:58

Leave him to it. DD once had a three hour screaming tantrum at 2yo because she had been asked to say hello to her nanny.

BarbarianMum · 09/01/2019 08:59

Ah yes, ds2 used to do this. Hated being put on the step but then insisted on sitting there screaming to show me I hadnt won, and how much he didnt mind being there.

Ignore him and when he's done, give him a cuddle and get on w normal life til next time.

Foodylicious · 09/01/2019 09:02

I would pick him.up and put him on my knee and sit quietly with him.

If he thrashes about, pop him safely on the floor and let him know you are there when he is ready.

KatnissMellark · 09/01/2019 09:03

We do this with DS (21 months). Once he's day calmly for 30 seconds we do a quick cuddle and one sentence explanation 'We don't throw glasses' then ask him if he wants to play nicely now. Seems to work. Also works as a preventer too 'Dont do XYZ DS or you'll go on the step' and I would say 70% of the time that stops the behaviour.

Original poster
Passthepigs · 09/01/2019 09:05

He calmed down eventually and came for a cuddle. He isn’t very verbal so struggles with communicating and it is causing lots of tantrums at the minute. Mainly when he wants a “snack” or “biscuit”- his two favourite words!

OP posts:
ILoveChristmasLights · 09/01/2019 09:06

Ignore

Make tea/coffee, sit somewhere comfy with your phone and chat to us. He’ll be fine.

Onascaleof1tolovelywalks · 09/01/2019 09:08

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

I don't understand all of this excessive cuddling after a child has clearly been an arse? If they're hurt, anxious, distressed etc and that has caused the tantrum then maybe a calm down and cuddle is the way to go...but not for a bratty tantrum.

A quick squeeze (after an apology and understanding that you were disappointed in the behaviour) and moving on with the day, yes.

ForInstance · 09/01/2019 09:16

I’m sorry, onascale I can’t agree with that. My mum used to ignore me when I’d ‘been an arse’ and withold affection for a huge chunk of the rest of the day. I can remember feeling like I had broken her / ruined everything forever which would make me absolutely panicky and 10 x worse. I can’t think that that is the way to go.

ForInstance · 09/01/2019 09:17

Sorry, to clarify: I am agreeing that the OP isn’t BU to ignore until DC calms down, but am saying I am pro a big hug and explanation soon after.

Onascaleof1tolovelywalks · 09/01/2019 09:18

My mum used to ignore me when I’d ‘been an arse’ and withold affection for a huge chunk of the rest of the day. *

I didn't say either of those things.
I said 'excessive cuddling' after a tantrum not caused by genuine distress, pain etc.

I didn't say withhold affection for the rest of the day.

Would you like to re read and re comment?

BarbarianMum · 09/01/2019 09:20

I remember having tantrums as a child. Its not just about "being an arse" its about being overwhelmingly angry or frustrated and not being able to cope with your feelings. It was quite scary actually. So anyway I always offer a cuddle afterwards.

ForInstance · 09/01/2019 09:21

No need to be rude. I did read, I just misjudged what you meant by ‘excessive’. No biggie, surely?! This is so far a supportive thread!

tillytrotter1 · 09/01/2019 09:25

Make a drink, turn the TV or whatever up and ignore him, he'll get fed up long before you do.

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:29

yeah, it's fine. You will have people who say you should have given him the glass because he has to "learn" Because you always see adults are still drinking out of plastic beaker cups Hmm

and you have nothing else to do besides monitor a two year old's drinking though.

Excited101 · 09/01/2019 09:31

You absolutely ignore a tantrum like that, feed it with attention and you teach your child to do it more- it’s that simple.

ReallyFrida · 09/01/2019 09:31

Onaascale, specifically mentioned a squeeze though.

Onascaleof1tolovelywalks · 09/01/2019 09:40

Yup I sure did.

My (very well turned out) children have neither been starved of attention or left to feel distressed and frustrated.
I could and still can tell when they're just having a moment and need to be left alone, once calmed down and had a chat- we move on with our day with the expectation that they have learnt that a tantrum won't get them their own way.
My oldest is a teen and I still stick by this rule, if he wants to get up and strop and stamp- he will be ignored.
If he is genuinely frustrated or upset, he will tell me and we will work through it together.

Each to their own, I certainly am not judging- just saying what works for me. I've been at it for a while so I'd like to think that I've got it quite finely tuned now.

Onascaleof1tolovelywalks · 09/01/2019 09:42

And @ForInstance - I was being intentionally rude, it genuinely seemed like you didn't read what I wrote.
I know how it feels to harbour resentment towards childhood pains- the temptation to over compensate is one that plagues is that have had difficult upbringings.
Also, not going the other way of being harsh and uncaring because that's what we may have been used to.
The happy medium works for me and mine.

Onascaleof1tolovelywalks · 09/01/2019 09:43

Wasnt**GrinGrin (being intentionally rude)

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