To leave my 2 year old screaming on the bottom step?

[Passthepigs]

DS is 26 months. He wanted my orange juice in a glass. I poured some out into a plastic beaker for him but he wanted the glass. Big tantrum and screaming for glass which I ignored.

He has now just thrown my empty glass across the lounge. Luckily on to carpet so no breakages but he has been told off and put on the bottom step. He is now screaming the place down, not restrained to the step in any way but is choosing to sit there and stage his huge tantrum!

AIBU to completely zone out and leave him! I have no idea how to discipline a 2 year old!!

Lol. Have a temper tantrum expert here. I ignore him while he's screaming though he climbs on my knee a lot and when he's calmer we ask was it a good reason to cry and usually (50% of the time) he will say no. Seems to work but as long as they not in genuine pain i wouldn't worry about ignoring them

onascaleto1lovelywalks - It's a pity you found my post difficult - maybe you're unfamiliar with the concepts of counselling and therapy and the links to our own childhood - or maybe the subject didn't interest you. My point in relation to hitting is drawn from my own experience and the importance and link with low self esteem e.g. what we witnessed/experienced and then what we unwittingly repeat on own children - if we choose to remain in denial - As psychologist/author Alice Miller writes that by willing to face our own history and dysfunctional aspects; and work through it - we can hopefully avoid repeating those same mistakes on the next generation. Inflicting emotional/physical pain by various methods is still very much part and parcel of childrearing in this country and remains the major link to both the inflicting of and/or the enduring of domestic violence. So we as parents, need to be aware that we might either copy or consciously refrain from repeating what we ourselves witnessed and/or endured.

As others have said... Ignoring the child isn't great. It may be necessary if you are starting to feel like you are losing it (noones perfect). But it isn't ideal. It doesn't teach them how to deal w their emotions. It teaches them to act the way you want them to so that you don't ignore them. They need help regulating their emotions. Remember reading somewhere the best way to do this is to keep talking to them. At first you ll find your own voice to be a bit louder or faster (basically not calm). Naturally (unless you are not in control of yourself), you ll find yourself and your voice becoming calmer. By doing this you are modelling self regulation to the child. And showing them their big emotions are not so scary and can be controlled. Totally disagree w advice to pretend to have tantrum or tickle child. This is basically either ridiculing child or distract them. They do not need to be distracted from how they feel. They need to learn to cope with how they feel. As I said - no ones perfect. I often have to leave him alone, especially when I haven't slept. But I'm not kidding myself that this us good parenting.

Said toddler is now tucking in DH’s dinner- an exact replica of the one he refused to touch 2 hours ago. Bed time soon!

Indeed Evie, it is surprisingly common how many parents were themselves ignored or dismissed as children and then when their own children tantrum or don't listen the adult returns to their emotional child like state. The adult suddenly feels like their childlike self who was ignored or not respected and they perceive their little 2-4 year old children as being disrespectful. Because they themselves didn't learn to address and cope with their big emotions, they pass down this same unhealthy behaviour by ignoring their own little children thus inflicting the same unhealthy emotional issues to the next generation.

When we take a step back, learn a little about the child's development and see their perspective, we can respond differently. Instead of automatically inflicting the same emotional wounds we can give our children the care and resources that we didn't have. We effectively teach ourselves aswel as our children. The dog-training behaviourism method is best avoided (i.e. ignore the bad and praise the good) as children are not rodents or dogs, they have complex emotions and human interactions and relationships for the rest of their long lives and it is our job as parents to help them build those skills.

As noted before, if we take a collaborative relationship based problem solving approach with our children then they develop the skills and strengthen our relationships. Then you don't have the issues people talk about with tweens and teens.

Alice Miller might be heavy reading for some and it's easier to dismisss physical punishment, but emotional withdrawl has equal impact on the developing child. There are lots of good resources and i'd second aha parenting or peaceful parenting for quick articles or tips based on sound psychological research. We've had evidence against behaviourism for 50 years but it's difficult to break the cycle when we're conditioned to accept it or don't question things. Parenting is definitely a learning journey for the parents as much as the kids.