How much does your job define you

[ThisCruelLife]

If you didn't have your job would you still feel successful

Yes because I don't have a job just now and I'll happily tell anyone how fabulous I am. When I did work, it did not define me at all. It earned me a living. I am conscientious with a strong work ethic and will get the job done but whatever it is, it never defines me.

That depends- if I did not have any job then no. If I had a different job - yes. Do you mean a different profession? I could easily move jobs and feel equally successful.

My job defines me because work based stress takes over the rest of my life. It does not make me feel fabulous or successful.

Way too much. I give up to 40h a week on top of my 40h week and I get nothing in return usually. I've had to learn to scale it back and enjoy my own time.

What I mean is does what job / career you have play a large part in defining how successful you are. Would you still feel worthwhile if you weren't at the top of the career ladder. Would you be feel the same in a low paid job

Yup, because all jobs are worthwhile. Every toilet needs a cleaner, more so than more rich folk need to be richer IMHO.

It depends on what you feel a successful life is. Some very smart people I know are dropouts and will never own a home but are happy. Making themselves happy is their measure of success.

I, however, feel like a huge failure despite going what some people would regard as very far in my career, because I haven't met my own standards and reached the pinnacle of my profession. So I work 80h a week to feel rejected and like I can't continue. On paper I'm very successful, but I sure don't feel it.

I have really struggled throughout my life about having low paid jobs. My job_ I don't exactly love it nor do I hate it. Its dead easy and works well around the kids. However it's always made me feel a sense of shame. I don't know why. Ive let it define me so much that it affects my self esteem. I get embarrassed telling people what I do. All my school friends are all in successful high flying careers earning £££. They're all professionals in various fields. I'm not qualified in anything. In all other areas of my life I'm doing OK so why do I feel so shit about myself...?

Maybe you need intellectual stimulation more than the money and career? I couldn't survive without that.

showmeshoyu that's me - the smart dropout. But I'm unhappy because I put my value of myself against the job I have. How are those people happy? That's what I want.

Your 80 hr week sounds insane!

They find their intellectual stimulation in their hobbies and friends. It has to come from somewhere or you'll feel unfulfilled.

I'm a smart drop out too. But the majority of folk just don't get me. I have a pile of diverse qualifications with the highest being my Masters but since having my kids I have never felt the need to go back to work. Despite it being a well paid, (perceived??) well thought of job, it most certainly didn't define me. I am stimulated by what I do at home. Mundane as much of it may seem to some people, I feel more fulfilled. Yes it was boring when the kids were very small but they are teenagers now and nope I still don't want to work.

My qualifications are all job related, some done at the time with a view to bettering my prospects as an employee. Whilst I'm pleased that I have them, they mean little to me now and are obsolete to my life. People don't get that I'm content in my life. I can see the cogs in their brain trying to equate someone highly qualified not 'working'. But in our society, especially in the last 3-4 decades there has been an increased expectation that everyone works. It's the second question after 'what's your name' on meeting someone. So it's society that defines us by what we do and I think the majority of folk subliminally feel that too, hence they feel they have to live up to the expectations of others rather than what actually makes them happy.

Of course it's different if someone really has to work and put in long hours just to keep a roof over their head. In my case a bit of luck and prudence has meant that our mortgage is paid off so we don't have that financial pressure. I'm not complacent, I know that I am lucky but I'm also not materialistic so I don't buy a great deal other than what the family really needs.

Yes it does and always has. I'm something of a workaholic and if i'm out of work my self esteem plummets. I havent done high paid work so the success doesnt come from that but its been rewarding in other ways.

OP apart from what others think (ie you feel ashamed) - do you like or enjoy your work? You mention it’s easy and works well with the kids, but not your enjoyment level (if any)

I have quite a well paid professional job which is important to me and I do define myself by it a bit. But in truth I would love a job that was easy and worked around my son!

nailclippersandmince I wish I was more like you. I dropped from my uni course - well I completed it but due to low self confidence and lack of direction I didn't want to pursue it. It would have lead to being a HCP.

I got mocked and was almost disowned by my parents. My brother would tell me daily how my brain was becoming slow and how lazy I was becoming. I was a punchbag for abuse as I had done something wrong. I was still living at my parents home and it was utter torture. I got a job in retail and one day I asked my father to pick me up as my feet were hurting. When he picked me up he asked are your legs hurting. I thought he was being considered are and concerned. I told him yes. He then replied. Good. Good that they hurt. Let them hurt even more. Then you will appreciate what you've given up. I went straight home to my room and burst into tears. I never asked him for a lift ever again.

I think this is where I'm getting my need to excel career wise as my family see me as a failure.

Yes it does.
On one hand I have immense pride in doing what I do, I am proud to be associated with my colleagues, feel utter utter privilege to be a part of an outstanding and groundbreaking team of highly intelligent, passionate and committed people.

On the other hand I think to myself why the fuck on gods green earth am I there. I am not a single speck or crumb of anything compared to them.
I have left that job to try other things and although rewarding, enjoyable and also a privilege, nowhere near to how my first job defined me.

I’m back there now.
I simply couldn’t do anything else.
I’m a mum, married happily, lovely house, nice car but I really believe that nothing makes me happier, content or myself without my beloved job.

That sounds terrible OP. don’t underestimate the impact your family’s treatment of you (emotional abuse I would call it) may have had on your self esteem.

You are a worthwhile and unique person OP! It sounds like you’ve internalised your family’s negative messaging.. it can be hard to override but it can be done. Keep posting, you are not alone

I’d say my career is an important part of my identity. I work in an industry which reflects my values and ideaology; my position of seniority reflects that I’m a generally driven, ambitious, focussed person in all areas of my life; my personality and the way I like to interact and engage with people shows in the way I lead and motivate my team; and I really what I do and get a lot of satisfaction out of it, so my job will always be something I talk about if asked whether I think I’m successful.

Most of us need to work to some extent, and unless your chief ambition from childhood was to be a parent (and In child-free, so if clearly never was) then I imagine most of us would say that a career which makes us happy and feels important is a crucial marker of success in life. If I was doing a job to which none of the above applied to, I wouldn’t feel successful.

No I would not feel successful. I have spent years getting to the level I am and I am damn proud of the effort that has taken. Why wouldn't I be?

The rest of my life is totally normal and exceptional so I don't feel "proud" of achieving normality, it just is!

Key typo in previous post:

No I would not feel successful. I have spent years getting to the level I am and I am damn proud of the effort that has taken. Why wouldn't I be?

The rest of my life is totally normal and unexceptional so I don't feel "proud" of achieving normality, it just is!

My previous jobs were just ways to earn money to live. Life was groundhog day, and def not suvcessful. Now I'm a sahp, and I love it so whilst obviously not a paid job it's my own happiness though I still wouldn't define it as feeling successful. Just content.

I don't think it defines me at all.
I don't really have a 'career' I have a job. That's fine with me. I'm ok with it.
It doesn't define me at all though.

I think it other people think different jobs are better and have more interest in you if you have a 'better' job but I don't

I'm at sahm with 4 kids, I didn't work I felt pretty defined by that.
So I started volunteering when little two went to nursery.

I changed my volunteer roles and now volunteer as a parent support for a charity.

I feel so much better in myself and don't just define my self as a sahm.
But that's just me

My job is not well paid at all but fairly 'worthy' (I work with very vulnerable people)
It does define me a fair bit I think, I like thinking that I'm part of a team that helps people

Membership of a profession defines me quite alot I'd say, although far from the only thing. The specific role I have using my professional qualification etc doesn't define me very much.