How much does your job define you

[ThisCruelLife]

If you didn't have your job would you still feel successful

Very little! I am quite happy with my job, and I earn a decent amount, but most people don't even know what I do, I usually use the most basic job title of my field, they don't need to know I am quite senior. The funny thing is that most people assume our lifestyle is thanks to my husband, it wouldn't occur to them that I do earn some cash too.
It's important to me to have a nice lifestyle, but that can come from so many roles.

I have been a cleaner when I needed cash, it didn't define me either. I thought it was a shit job because I hated it, but it had no impact on who I am.

OP, your family had issue, not you. What you need is concentrate on what makes you happy. Would you like to retrain, and get a different job - with possibly more hours and so on.
Would you like to start a hobby, such a getting a degree in a field that interests you. being creative. Your friends can also admire your novel, painting, or hand-made dress or amazing cake as much as you would admire the "high-flying role".

never forget that most people are the same: moan about their jobs, and can't wait for the weekend, and that's whatever their level. HIgh flying job are not as glamorous as they sound.

nailclippersandmince thanks for your kind words but honestly I really feel like a massive failure. I don't even know how to sort myself out and how to do it. I feel like my life has been wasted.

My profession is something I’m proud of, and a part of what makes life interesting. As are my children, my DH, friends, hobbies...

I haven't worked in two years and tbh, I've never really enjoyed working.

I've liked the money and the people I've helped etc.

I have had a sense of underachievement, which I'm becoming resigned to, at 51.

Achievement equals more money, which when I want something I can't afford, or have to save for, my regrets start.

So I reason it out. Your probably younger than me, so have more opportunities to change what your not happy with.

In some ways I've possibly underachiever, in others I haven't. In some ways I haven't been the success that I should have, in others I have. I think thays what it is like for many, if not most Women with children.

Some people's working lives sound horrendous and I wanted want them regardless of the rewards.

It's about mapping out a life that you want, as much as you can. Think of the positives and count your blessings.

I'm dreading having to go to work again, but it means I've recovered.

I do feel defined by my work, not so much in terms of rank/salary, but in terms of the nature of the work. I worked for years in a job related to human rights, and even though I didn't earn a lot, I felt that I was living my values (even if that sounds a bit cringy). Now I'm dong something a bit more mainstream admin, and even though my salary is similar, I miss that sense of doing something I really believe in.

Very sorry your family are like that, are they still that way with the abuse and are you still in contact?

I've always underachieved (or maybe I haven't, maybe I've actually overachieved in relation to my skillset but underachieved compared with academic qualifications). I will have to stop defining myself by my job because I am giving it up at the end of next week. I won't be completely unemployed as I have some freelance work lined up and hope to get more, but certainly at the beginning I will be cash-poor but time-rich.

Not sure making myself unemployed a few weeks before Brexit is the best idea, but I guess I'll have time to stand in queues for food...

OP as others have said life is about other things as well as work. People define themselves by their job because it's the only thing they have time to do, especially if they are in a demanding high flying role. You could study if you don't have paid work - eg Futurelearn has lots of courses that are free to do and you just pay for the certificate at the end. One of those courses might lead to something.

I don’t think it defines me. It’s a part of my life, but not the only part. I am grateful it allows me to live relatively comfortably.

It does reflect some of my personality/traits as I need to be a good communicator and organised/pro active.

However if I lost it tomorrow I would be disappointed but I wouldn’t feel like I’d lost part of my identity. Although personally working and having a job is important for my independence, so I suppose you could argue that is part of my identity. But the type of work isn’t as important.

OP, I came from an abusive background and I think thays is what is driving your feelings of not being as good as everyone around you.

You have to learn how to value yourself.

You've achieved more than your Parents, you aren't abusive.

Wil you ever make your children feel like you felt?

So many people '"look good on paper', but behind closed doors they're getting life/relationships very wrong.

The more people that I've met, the more I've learned that you never know what life is like inside their heads.

I don’t think I would. I totally accept that people find success / self worth / personal pride etc in different ways, but for me my job is hugely important to my identity and my sense of being a successful person.

I found not working really difficult in terms of how I viewed myself. Despite being a part time farmer and property owner and holiday rental owner. None of these define me in the same way as my salaried job for some reason.

I think other people define me a bit by my job because it's quite specialised, involves working for a very well known person and sounds very exciting and glamorous.

But it's actually quite mundane, I rarely speak to the well known person, and my self esteem comes from various things I do out of work.

I’ve never understood those who say things like ‘I’ve never enjoyed working so I gave it up’.

You’ve tried every job?

You’re ok with not working for the next 40 years?

What if we all did that?

OP sorry that your family feel like that. Set your own goals, find out what you enjoy and are good at. There are plenty of jobs that are non-traditional (eg assembly, seamstress, supply chain, operations, book-keeping) - read up on them and look at available opportunities (ideally find one where you won’t have to do an expensive course before starting). If there are affordable city&guilds or other accredited courses at the local Further education college that might be good to try and help to boost confidence. There are also online courses on edx. If I could do it again, I would try different things before committing to a career.

You’re ok with not working for the next 40 years?

it depends what you mean by working. I only have a job for the money, if I had another type of income, I would be quitting tomorrow. I don't need to work to entertain myself.
There are so many fields to study, places to visit, hobbies to do, friends to meet, there are not enough hours in the day. Not working doesn't mean watching tv or being on MN all day - if nothing else, I wouldn't go on the forum anymore, I wouldn't need to kill time.

I would feel successful in life without my job, however my job is a massive one that comes with a huge identity. It will be referenced at my funeral.

I don't feel successful because of how much I earn but because I do something I truly love and it's my own business. It does define me a fair amount.

No work doesn't define me. I earn a good salary but it's just a job. I don't have an interesting career. I definitely work to live.

It depends on what you define by success. I feel completely unfulfilled by my job, unappreciated and demoralised. It depresses me but does not define me.

Outside of my job I have a good relationship with DH, great holidays, mortgage free, eat well, have a nice car, have great experiences, and importantly I am healthy. So I define my success by having some of these instead of my job.

I get mega-self esteem from my work. I can manage without, but achieving things, overcoming brainy challenges, makes me happy (am a scientist).

Learnt a new regression method today (whee!).
I have sense of underachievement in life, too, (long story). Still feel I'm privileged.

I run my own business from home (not mom, genuine business) so yes, my job does define me and I feel proud and accomplished because I've done something people told me wouldn't happen. I didn't even tell my parents until I started supporting my family with my income.

My business has also let me spend more time with my children now that its put of the baby steps. So I feel successful in managing both job and parenting.

Sometimes I feel guilty because I do nothing with the degree I did. I have some doubts if I'm having a bad day. I'll have wobbles if something doesn't go to plan. But overall I feel successful.

Although i have professional qualifications and a reasonable career / salary I feel defined by my academic underachievement . Dropped out of school at 16 due to inability to manage the pressure to fulfill my potential. Although I went back to education later , and have otherwise have a pretty good life , I am still sad that I didn’t do so much more , and as I head for retirement the realisation that I never will .

I love my job, and love the independence it brings. When we had the DC DH suggested I took time off and spent a few years at home. I took a year and ended up going a little mad because my job feels like part of my DNA.

I didn't work for six months and my mood plummeted. It feels like a necessary routine. I do see my job as an extension of my life values. All those who gave up work? What do you for money? I did get s great sense of personal esteem with post grad qualifications and some publications. A sense of purpose though can come from many things.

I am defined by being a parent as well as by my job. I would not be happy if I was only defined by one or the other because it is the balance I seek.

That said, I love being able to go to work and bring in a decent wodge for the household income to fulfil our financial objectives as a family and secure the children's future as well as providing a measure of independence and security should my dh no longer contribute for whatever reason. I don't think I would feel as good about my job if I did not earn a good amount. This means that I constantly seek to improve my earnings. A lot of the satisfaction and self-esteem I get from my job is actually linked to remuneration.

I would not say my work is particularly meaningful (in a life saving or noble way) but it does serve a good cause (compliance) and is challenging on many fronts. It keeps my mind sharp and on the cutting edge of regulatory developments.