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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have never felt more stuck in my life..

63 replies

flowergirl24 · 08/01/2019 17:56

My parents helped us to buy our house. It’s next door to them. Living next door has been driving me and my DH totally mad. They are incredibly controlling and have crossed the line several times about how we raise our children, etc.

As they helped us to buy, we can’t sell it (although we didn’t know this would be a condition of theirs at the time of the sale).

I just want to leave the situation and have decided to rent out the house and move elsewhere. However, as soon as I mentioned this to them, they now have said that they would like to move in to our house while they get work done on theirs! FFS I just want out of the whole situation. They have potentially said they will pay rent but I would feel bad taking it from them as they helped us to buy it.

If they move in to our house, there will be no peace and I just want to move well away! If I could sell it, I would. AIBU?

OP posts:

DroningOn · 08/01/2019 17:57

What's preventing you from selling? Is this just an I formal agreement?

If they gave you a deposit and the house is in your name I dont see how they could stop you. They might get fucked off and stop talking to you but that might not be such a problem in the long run anyway!

BonsoirBonsoir · 08/01/2019 17:58

Why can’t you sell? Do you have NO equity in your house?

HollowTalk · 08/01/2019 17:59

Whose names are on the deeds? Regardless, surely you can still sell it?

Hubanmao · 08/01/2019 18:00

I suppose it’s too late to ask you why the fuck did you put yourselves in this position? It clearly was going to come with strings attached.

What’s the legal situation? Is the house in your name?

Hubanmao · 08/01/2019 18:01

And surely when you were purchasing it your solicitor ran through all the legal side of things? How could you ‘not realise’ you wouldn’t be able to sell it

cowfacemonkey · 08/01/2019 18:02

How is it you cannot sell? What's their legal rights over the property?

WomanWithAltitude · 08/01/2019 18:02

Difficult. The fact that they bought the house NEXT DOOR TO THEIRS for you made it obvious from the start that they were going to be controlling about it....

Is it that you can't legally sell it, or just that they have told you not to?

WomanWithAltitude · 08/01/2019 18:03

Tbh, if it's in their name and you have no equity in it at all, I'd just walk away. Fuck the money, life's too short.

Spanglylycra · 08/01/2019 18:03

Why can't you sell? Did they formalise this?

Assume not. And if it's after seven years by any chance then there is added protection for you with tax etc.

HollowTalk · 08/01/2019 18:05

Don't let them into your house! They will never leave.

SavoyCabbage · 08/01/2019 18:05

How much did they put in?
Who legally owns it?

yoyo1234 · 08/01/2019 18:05

Why can you not sell it and return the money to your parents.

VamillaSugar · 08/01/2019 18:06

Are they joint mortgage holders?

itswinetime · 08/01/2019 18:09

In what way did they help? How long ago did you buy has your house gained in value since you brought?

I don't see legally how they can stop you selling? Surely any agreement drawn up between you would involve a buy out clause or some option for escape for either party.

If there is shared ownership of some kind then do you need there permission to rent it out? Also if you have a mortgage it's worth checking if they allow to rent it out not all lenders do.

If your are trying to avoid a fight and that is what is holding you back then I don't think you can.

Strongmummy · 08/01/2019 18:19

If your name is on the deed you can sell it.
Not sure why you don’t let them move in and pay you rent. You seem to be making more issues for yourself

Pachyderm1 · 08/01/2019 18:20

What is legally preventing you from selling?

If you sold, could you afford another place?

needanappp · 08/01/2019 18:32

When you say the "helped you to buy" what do you mean?

If they simply helped with the deposit, unless they have drawn up a contract which you have signed, legally they have no ownership over the house or say in when/whether it is sold or not.

If it is an assisted mortgage of some kind, eg they are on the mortgage in order to help raise your affordability then harder to sell as you say!

If it's the former, I'd sell up and grin and bear the backlash! Just because they helped you raise the deposit, doesn't mean they have any say in what you do with the house, legally or otherwise. It might get their backs up a bit but, that's life!

Highginx · 08/01/2019 18:38

Did they pay the full deposit? You’re essentially just renting them aren’t you. You might be buggared. Unless her house has acquired equity to walk away with a lump sum after paying them back but I suspect they won’t let you sell or remortgage to release it, sneaky fuckers.

Original poster

flowergirl24 · 08/01/2019 18:38

Yes, the house belongs to us. There’s a lot of emotional manipulation going on from them. They’ve said it will ‘break them’ and my dad has threatened to never speak to us again if we sell.

At the start, they offered us money to help buy the house (they REALLY wanted us to live next door to them) but they never said there would be any catch or any conditions. They constantly bully us into doing what they want.

I guess the trouble is my own initial naivety at the time of sale (I really should have seen this coming, but simply didn’t) and the fact that I hate confrontation and I don’t want to have this fight with them.

OP posts:

Highginx · 08/01/2019 18:39

They’re being very selfish. They just don’t want shit neighbours.

Maybe83 · 08/01/2019 18:40

So legally you can sell it? It's the emotional blackmail that's making you think you can't?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/01/2019 18:42

What are the conditions of you not being able to sell. I don't understand how you didn't know before buying the house.

Do they own all of it but it's in your names or something else?

Strongmummy · 08/01/2019 18:42

OP - I’d be upfront and tell them although you are grateful for what they’ve done you’ve realised you need space and the close proximity just doesn’t work for you. Sell the house and give them the money back. They sound incredibly manipulative

comebacksoonsusan · 08/01/2019 18:44

Sell it.

abbsisspartacus · 08/01/2019 18:46

Ok, if you try and sell they can be beggars when people are viewing so you won't get a sale renting it will be easier if you go through an agency tell them you need repair work done on your house first then move out then get new tenants in do not let them in your home they will squat there can you get your own parents arrested?

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