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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have never felt more stuck in my life..

63 replies

flowergirl24 · 08/01/2019 17:56

My parents helped us to buy our house. It’s next door to them. Living next door has been driving me and my DH totally mad. They are incredibly controlling and have crossed the line several times about how we raise our children, etc.

As they helped us to buy, we can’t sell it (although we didn’t know this would be a condition of theirs at the time of the sale).

I just want to leave the situation and have decided to rent out the house and move elsewhere. However, as soon as I mentioned this to them, they now have said that they would like to move in to our house while they get work done on theirs! FFS I just want out of the whole situation. They have potentially said they will pay rent but I would feel bad taking it from them as they helped us to buy it.

If they move in to our house, there will be no peace and I just want to move well away! If I could sell it, I would. AIBU?

OP posts:

GherkinsOnToast · 08/01/2019 19:40

This wil ruin your marriage if you don't sell up away from the blackmail. You need to live your own live without constantly being overlooked by them.

We lived next door to the ILs for a while and it was the most horrible stressful year of our lives - we ended up cancelling our wedding and splitting up for a while as they were constantly interfering and we weren't able to live our own lives. the constant questioning of 'where are you going?', 'why were you late from work?' and my very favourite 'Why can I smell bacon, DH says you bought pizza for dinner tonight?'

We got back together and sold the house quickly moving into rented so we had no chain, we now live 10 miles away and it's still too close!

Bunnyfuller · 08/01/2019 19:40

Sell, pay back what they lent you and wait for them to get over themselves (which they will, how can they continue trying to guilt you out/manipulate you if they don’t speak to you?!).

WomanWithAltitude · 08/01/2019 19:51

Wow, just sell it.

If they are controlling/ bullying, then it's no loss if they stop speaking to you.

Either the money was a gift or it wasn't. If it was a gift, it's your call what you do with it. They don't get to run your life just because they have money.

LetsSplashMummy · 08/01/2019 20:07

Can you find a reason to sell, apply for a job further away, for example. Then you aren't moving because of them (which is a bit hurtful, even if it's understandable)?

You then naively throw emotional blackmail back at them (I know you wouldn't want to hold me back from this opportunity...)

Daisy2990 · 08/01/2019 20:35

Your parents sound like mine. Dont make excuses - new job etc. Just tell them you've decided and it isn't up for debate. Otherwise this manipulation and blackmail will continue in some other form.

My parents moved about 1 mile away about 3 years ago so I speak from experience.

itswinetime · 08/01/2019 20:57

It's your house sell it and move the manipulation and control will only stop when you do yes there will be a fight but it's that or this will all only continue to get worse the longer it you let them carry on

adreamofspring · 08/01/2019 21:21

If there are no legal reasons holding you back then sell it. If you want a clear conscience- work put a way to pay back your folks over the long term.

Original poster

flowergirl24 · 08/01/2019 21:44

The money that they gave was a gift. I think this is why I was so concerned about this decision- also to be honest because the gift was a LOT of money. Like, huge. We wouldn’t have been able to buy it without them, so I don’t want to appear ungrateful. But that said, it still doesn’t give them the right to be so controlling.

I’m going to be standing up for myself much more, now and I won’t be allowing them to emotionally blackmail us any more.

It’s not about the gift- I’d happily give it back to them for a quieter/ happier life.

Think I might be calling the estate agents in the morning...

OP posts:

CallMeRachel · 08/01/2019 22:59

I really think you should speak to them about this first. They're not mind readers.

Tell them they're being controlling and overstepping the line and it's upsetting you so much it's making you consider selling the house.

I bet they reel each other in after that.

Smellbellina · 08/01/2019 23:03

Go to counselling and learn how to maintain healthy boundaries, then speak to them. Worked wonders for me.

Purpleartichoke · 08/01/2019 23:41

Renting will make it worse. You will be landlords to tenants that your parents automatically resent. Every time the tenant annoys them you will hear about it.

Sell the house and either give them the money back or stick it in savings so you can return it to them later. Find a place you can afford on your own.

needanappp · 08/01/2019 23:47

Also, just to add, you may not be able to rent the house out. Usually you need a specific Buy-to-let mortgage in order to do this. Worth checking that out before exploring that route.

justilou1 · 08/01/2019 23:51

It’s time to deal with being ungrateful and sell the house. Move. Get out. Go. Pay back every penny they gave you and make a clean break.

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