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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Summer born babies - am I wrong?

749 replies

Sunflowermuma · 08/01/2019 12:31

Hi all, I'm probably BU particularly as my friends plans don't actually have any impact on me but

I have 2DD D1 is 3 and May Born. DD2 is 6m July Born

My friend has 3 kids. DS aged 7Sept, DD 3Aug and DS 5mAug

Our two daughters are both due to start school in September at different schools, my friend told me this week how she is in contact with the school to have her daughter start Sept 2020 instead as she's summer born. I asked why as her daughter is already in nursery 5 days, has no health issues and certainly isn't behind on development. Her reasoning? She just doesn't want a child to be youngest in the year.

Her son is very bright and doing really well at school and she puts that down to his sept birthday.

I queried her and said someone has to be the youngest and surely if she doesn't have any developmental issues the school will just say no. She replied saying that she'll make something up as she'll do what she can to get her DD ahead. Again this made no sense to me as surely having another year at nursery won't be good for her and she may get picked on once the other kids realise? She got a bit snappy with me and told me to mind my own so I now feel bad for questioning her, I was polite and tbh just trying to understand her thinking

Do people really do this? I understand delaying for developmental reasons but just to make your child the oldest instead of youngest?

OP posts:
ravenmum · 10/01/2019 14:38

In Germany children don't start school until age 6, and even then they can delay a year if the parents think they aren't ready Grin. This is not some sort of newfangled snowflake arrangement, just how it's "always" been in Germany.

Angela712 · 10/01/2019 14:40

Ffs

1.Delaying kids IS the exception

2.We're talking about children up to 11 months and 4 weeks behind - a minimum of 7 months behind.

  1. The Govt acted on literally dozens if expert reports and advice. There is not a single piece of research which refutes the findings
  1. Summerborns never catch up. Never.
  1. There will always be cases whi h buck the trend. Some life-long smokers don't die of cancer. By your logic we should all be chain smoking because my nan did her whole life and died in her 90s of old age so it can't possibly cause cancer because she was fine - right?
Sb74 · 10/01/2019 14:41

I know Europe start later. But that’s the norm here. Do what you all what. Not my problem. I just don’t think kids should be held back unless there is a real issue. Bye bye.

chocolatecoveredraisons · 10/01/2019 14:42

There is absolutely no harm in sending your child to school later, especially when they are summer born.
There are many advantages with learning to read and write later and many many studies all over the world. Research has proven this fact, and personally, I wouldn't want my child to be the youngest if I had the option.

You do have to consider it though as it could impact on sports and age groups, starting periods earlier than your year etc. But it is becoming more common as we realise the advantages for children who are born later in the year.

My son is September, thank goodness. He would have fallen behind if he was August born and him being the eldest means he is not struggling and coping with the eyfs curriculum. He is by no means the top for being the eldest but he hasn't started at a significant disadvantage.

I'm all for it. It benefits the child and if a parent chooses not to delay the year, that's fine too!

Sb74 · 10/01/2019 14:42

I’ll leave you to combust on your own Angela. I’ve got better things to do.

chocolatecoveredraisons · 10/01/2019 14:43

Sb47 you seem to have a real issue with this and you sound extremely ignorant and slightly rude.

nojellybabies · 10/01/2019 14:43

I guess sb74 would never wade in to, say, a childbirth thread and pronounce her opinion on caesarean sections on the basis that she couldn't be bothered to look it up but people should just get over themselves.

But on this topic, many feel it's open season.

Got an informed opinion? No? no worries, spout something anyway....

Angela712 · 10/01/2019 14:46

@sb74

No combusting here, happy to answer and all questions but it's a bit silly to have an opinion, be shown evidence that you are mistaken, refuse to look at it and then get angry.

Especially if it has zero effect on your life.

You have a lovely day now.

nojellybabies · 10/01/2019 14:47

"Some kids need it"

any advances on that, or should we bang the gavel?

MrsKoala · 10/01/2019 14:49

I'm actually cracking up laughing here. Never let actual facts or information get in the way of having and expressing your opinions. As long as you are on send and making yourself heard (even if it's something you admit you know nothing about) that's the main thing right? hahhaaahhaaaaaa I fucking love the internet Grin

WYP2018 · 10/01/2019 14:56

Do kids who delay go through secondary a year later too? Or do they need to apply to delay again before starting Y7? This is interesting to me as I have two born at the end of August. There’s never been any problems in primary but I’m starting to see socially my DD is miles behind some wrt maturity, and it’s caused the odd hiccup with friendships. Maybe a year off before uni will serve mine well.

Angela712 · 10/01/2019 14:56

Does anyone want to tell @sb74 that's not how a mic drop works?

Angela712 · 10/01/2019 14:59

@Nojellybabies do we have a winner?

nojellybabies · 10/01/2019 15:09

Hmm, I say no Angela. Too much honesty.

The search for our winner goes on....

MrsKoala · 10/01/2019 15:10

Does anyone know if it's possible to hold a summer born back a year after they've done reception if they aren't ready for yr1? So they do reception again?

Shantotto · 10/01/2019 15:12

mrskoala I believe it’s possible but by this point would be headteacher decision rather than getting LA involved and so on.

Booboo66 · 10/01/2019 15:12

I heard so much when I decided to defer my youngest. ‘But she’ll be behind’ ‘No she’ll just be one of the older children in her year. ‘she’ll get bored not being at school’ No because I’ve picked a nursery that stimulates children whatever their level and interests and I did stuff with her at home. And if bored is the absolute worst thing people can come up with as an argument for not deferring then the deferring argument with all its proven advantages definitely wins - she never did get bored by the way. She loves that she’s the oldest and the confidence that extra year gave her is priceless. My eldest who missed the deferral months by a few days so is one of the youngest if doing just fine don’t get me wrong but I’m certain she’d be excelling had she been in the year below, she’s one of the smallest and though incredibly confident is very kind hearted and young minded and I worry about her at high school. She’d definitely be better suited to the year below

JosieJasper · 10/01/2019 15:13

neverunderfed Unfortunately we weren’t given that option, only the option to miss reception and start in year one, which seemed to defeat the object to me. Fortunately my DD (not DS as I originally put Confused) is coping really well but I know this is different for every child. I feel bad reading all the comments about summer borns never catching up. Should have kept my legs crossed for a few more hours when I’m labour I guess Smile

nojellybabies · 10/01/2019 15:14

I think that could be trickier Mrs K, especially within the same school. More potential for stigma, I think. That said, better to do it at 5 than 10...

CmdrIvanova · 10/01/2019 15:15

mrskoala you could in theory withdraw your child and reapply to start again but its risky

Angela712 · 10/01/2019 15:19

@josiejasper - not the same for all summerborns, fingers crossed for you (not legs though!!!)

DoingMyBest2010 · 10/01/2019 15:20

My DD is second but youngest in her class. Here where we live, you start school age 4, regardless of when your 4th birthday is. You are kicked out of nursery on the day of your 4th birthday (it just doesn't go beyond age 4) and start school the next. So that means you have to keep your child at home for a whole year (at age 5 they must be at school), or you send them to school age 4. Some kids will have a longer year (start September) in reception than others (who will join throughout the school year). Some very young kids may stay another year in reception, as they may not be socially able to go on to a higher class, simply because they are very young. My DD turned 8 in October, but today her friend turned 9! So there are 9 months' age gaps in her class. It's funny, if we had stayed in the UK, she would have been one of the eldest in her class, whereas now she is one of the youngest.

MrsKoala · 10/01/2019 15:21

When we contacted the LA about delaying him they told us we still had to apply and then request the headteacher that we delay. But she wasn't keen and said he should be fine and we could just do mornings if it was to tough for him but that they do a new sound/letter every afternoon so he'd basically miss out on all the learning and then have to start yr1 even more behind.

But now he is really academically behind. This may not be entirely due to his late august birthday but could be to do with SEN (which his brother also has and it looks like he has too). But DS1 is the oldest in the year and is still struggling so I can only imagine what being the youngest must do if he has the other challenges ds1 has.

I think I will address it with them at Easter if things don't improve. Altho they will already have a full cohort by then wont they? He will really miss his friends tho so I am torn.

Racecardriver · 10/01/2019 15:22

The British are really weird this way. I think that a lot of parents like to make up reasons why their kids aren’t doing well (obviously they can’t admit to a lack of parental input or a child just being a bit stupid) so these kinds of myths are born.

Angela712 · 10/01/2019 15:23

@wyp2018

It's technically down to the head of the secondary to decide but they would have to show how it would be in their best interests to leave their peers of 6 yrs, join a class of older kids and keep up despite having missed a whole year of the national curriculum. Not saying it will always be approved but on that basis pretty hard to see how it would be. Most of the secondary heads in our area gave us an unequivocal "we would not make them move from adopted cohort" within hours of my emails to them.
No guarantees of course