Selfish bastard

[Attackofthepoonami]

Mum to a toddler and 25wks pregnant with baby number two.

I have an anxiety disorder that can be quite debilitating when it plays up and last night I had a series of triggers which resulted in a drawn out anxiety attack and I just couldn't switch off and sleep.

DP has been hovering for sex which I wasn't in the mood for, for obvious reasons, but got it out of the way with so I could try to rest.

He returns to the living room next door (it's a flat) to play on his console again at about 12pm, I remind him to get some rest as it's not looking promising for me being able to sleep anytime soon so I'd really appreciate if he was able to get up with toddler in the morning because I'm not feeling great and can't do it on no sleep. A rare lay in would be very helpful. I never get one. He said no problem.

I spend the next five hours tossing and turning in bed unable to sleep, feeling anxious and panicky, mind racing etc. Hearing him on the console in the next room wasn't helping.

I finally go through at 5am and ask him to get some rest because it's not fair on me being the one to get up with DS all of the time if I'm struggling. He says he'll get up with him and he's coming off the console in a minute. I hear that all the time and I always end up being the one to get up for this exact reason when he's off work.

I return to bed and after another hour and half, finally drifting off at 6:30ish am. Low and behold two hours later DS is awake crying, DP is blissfully snoring away as apparently he can't hear him. I have to get up and begin the day after 2 hours of broken sleep, still very much anxious, exhausted and angry whie he's had a nice leisurely night of gaming.

I'm really annoyed. Aibu To be?

I don't mind being told I'm BU but I don't feel like it right now..

No wonder you don't feel like sex if he rolls out of bed afterwards and gets on his game console! WTF?!

Hovering for sex?
Christ.
How convenient that he falls asleep when told it’s his turn to care for his child.
You need to read him the riot act before #2 arrives.
YA certainly not BU.

Also: is your anxiety related to the fact you’re living with an arsehole?

He's acting like a teenager. Not an adult with responsibilities.

I hope I've not made him sound sinister about sex, he's not forceful and I'm in no way intimidated by him. He's as soft as cheese just a pest. He's got a high sex drive and I did too before GAD and parenthood took over.

It’s not normal to stay awake until 5am playing games and it’s quite a teenager thing to do... He needs to grow up, pronto. Also never ‘get sex out of the way’, you shouldn’t have to do it purely because you’re being pestered.

He sounds like a total bellend if I’m being honest.

He got up
After sex
To play on his games console

Why didn’t you elbow him in the ribs this morning to get up with DS. Even if you’d just dozed half listening to make sure he was watching DS you’d have got some rest and he would have been dealing with the consequences of choosing not to sleep all night.

If he shaped up after DS was born, then read him the riot act and tell him he CHOSE to be a father, now he needs to act like a decent partner and Dad.

but you say it as if he is helping rather than doing what he should be doing

You call him a pest - that isnt something to ignore

The sex issue is a huge red flag. Why couldn't you feel able to say no? You should be able to say no at any time, for any reason without any negative consequences.

He's very selfish, he's acting like a moody teenager not an adult. None of this is ok

Is he 15 years old? Otherwise he's a massive dick. I would take up early morning walking as a hobby and he can get up with the toddler from now on. I also wouldn't be having sex with anyone who was hovering around me like a sex pest.

The reason I felt obliged to have sex is because I'm aware that it's slipped alot in recent months and I'm also aware he has a high sex drive, so I don't like the fact he might be silently resenting the fact we don't have it much. I do it for his benefit most of the time.

I got wind of him moaning about the lack of sex when I was pregnant with DS and It made me self conscious and feel like a shitty partner.

I can see there's an irony there.

I hope you’ve gone back to bed now.

Alone I mean

I wonder if he'd be 'difficult to rouse' if he had to manage things on his own.
First, get to the doctors, there may be something they can give you to help with sleep.
Second, next time get a bucket of water and pour it over the fuckwit to wake him up.
Third, take the plug off the xbox.
He can't act like a teenage boy when he's a father.
And this is why I argue sex is a form of labour. Women have to do it so men do their bit. Unfortunately, yours has been a failed transaction because he has taken what he's wanted and given fuck all back.
I'd be thinking of leaving him tbh, he sounds useless.

Grown man in his 30's gaming all night?

🤦‍♀️

This would honestly make me sick with anger.

Yuck.

Firstly, don't have sex when you don't want to.

Secondly, don't parent him. He'll soon learn staying up all night when he's got to get up is a bad idea.

Thirdly, don't let his idiocy impact your anxiety. If he's going to be knackered the next day that's his look out. Put in your ear plugs, ignore him and sleep.

And fourthly, if it's his turn to get up with the toddler and he doesn't hear him, WAKE HIM UP!

He's behaving terribly but you're enabling it a little bit. Start demanding more - you deserve it.

He’s an absolute pig for his behaviour.
He’s got a gaming addiction and you do not “owe” him sex.
That x not needs to be packed away. What on Earth is going to happen when the new baby arrives.
You need to sit down and talk to him today

The more you update, the worse he sounds tbh.
I'd be kicking him to the kerb. He's selfish, thoughtless, childish and deserves nothing.

You should NEVER feel obliged to have sex ffs. That's horrendous. Not wanting sex when you're knackered does NOT make you a rotten partner. Pestering for sex when you know damn well your partner's not up for it, does.

He needs to shape up or ship out.

It’s still the new year. Make a resolution to value yourself. And tell him this, and that as part of it you will never again have sex with a man who doesn’t share weekend lie ins with you.

Jesus christ why are you having another child with him?

Use this as a turning point he needs to step up or ship out as for the sex stuff i would be telling him to sort himself out while you are PG and tired. Nothing less attractive than a man child. MY DH works 5 days a week (most do) but he realizes that the other 2 are not for him to basically revert to a student with no responsibilities.

This guy is an absolute disgrace. He needs to change very dramatically, very quickly and permanently. Otherwise he is baggage weighing you down and making it harder.

'hovering for sex'
FFS

He needs kicking into touch. He acts like an adult with a child or he can fuck off out of it.

Does he not have a job to get up for?

Games consoles are for kids.

He's a grown man.

Give it away, and tell him to grow up or get out.