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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband forgot First time we slept together

99 replies

user1470739004 · 07/01/2019 20:33

Husband has just admitted to not remembering the first time we slept together. Would you be annoyed? We have been together 15 years. Im really hurt but am I blowing this out of proportion?

(We are going through a very bad patch at the moment as he told me 3 weeks ago that he cheated on me (one night stand) 1 year into our relationship. Head is melted.

OP posts:

GabsAlot · 07/01/2019 21:38

i can remember but only coz i good with dates-i would be more bothered why he thought he shold tell you he cheated

Hogtini · 07/01/2019 21:43

We only remember because it was also the day we met

Dahlietta · 07/01/2019 21:44

I can't remember either, but I don't think that's what's significant here. It's the cheating, obviously, and the fact that he told you this, especially when you were already in a bad place. It seems callous.

Hogtini · 07/01/2019 21:44

I agree with pp if his only misdemeanor was 14 years ago through an on off/immature stage of your relationship and thing have been good since then I would definitely consider working through this.

ChillingWithNickDrake · 07/01/2019 21:45

Neither of us will ever forget the first time, we still talk about it. But he did ask me after 3 days what my name was. That was nearly 30 years ago. We’ve forgotten a lot of stuff in between.

lboogy · 07/01/2019 21:45

YAbu. It was 15 years ago

mnbvcxzlkjhgfdsa · 07/01/2019 21:46

I don't entirely remember and I am absolutely besotted with Dh, always have been

bellie710 · 07/01/2019 21:47

I can't remember first time with DH, been together 16 years!

Passing4Human · 07/01/2019 21:47

I only remember ours because he had to get dressed after getting undressed, to go round to the local chemist to get a condom because I'd thought I had some and didn't. He couldn't find the chemist, because I'm spectacularly shit at giving directions and so I was sitting in bed bored for about 45 mins before he got back. It was beautiful man! So that's the only reason I remember it.

A one night stand is certainly forgivable in my book if my relationship was on/off. What brain fart made him decide to tell you now though 14 years later?

Original poster

user1470739004 · 07/01/2019 21:47

@londonrach - I did trust him but I don’t know now. I never in a million years thought he would have cheated on me in the first place as he did ALL the chasing when we met, wanted to make it official very early, told me he loved me very early wanted to move in together etc - (i couldn’t at the time as I was in another county in colllege)

@doctorehosit - that’s exactly what I am afraid of, he has been hitting me with these things and I’m afraid something bigger is coming. nothing has changed in our status/relationship. I worked in the bank but left when our 2nd child was born. He has a successful building business so it’s not that. We had our ups and downs over The past 14 years, but we had an amazing marriage in general - or so I think.

OP posts:

Dizzylin · 07/01/2019 21:50

The only reason DH and I remember our first time together because I farted just as we were getting down to it

Tiredeyes21 · 07/01/2019 21:51

It’s a difficult one as you did ask him if there was anything else.... and he told you......

caringcarer · 07/01/2019 21:53

Just checked with dh and he does remember the first time we had sex. More importantly why is your dp telling you he cheated on you 14 years ago unless he wants you to kick him out? I would be asking him if he has had enough and wants out?

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 07/01/2019 21:56

Going to go against the grain here and say who isn’t able to remember their first shag with their husband?! I can remember the first time that I had sex with everyone I’ve had sex with, and I’ve had my fair share. Maybe I am really odd.

TSSDNCOP · 07/01/2019 21:58

I remember who I've had sex with but rarely the actual sex itself. I'll settle for that.

Momo18 · 07/01/2019 22:01

Has he developed anxiety? When I first developed anxiety I had the compulsion to confess meaningless stuff as it felt way bigger then it actually was. Could this be why he's confessing? How does he seem when he's confessing? Concerned? If not maybe he's trying to scare you a bit as he's insecure or bloody mean.

The sex thing my DH forgot and I was a bit upset for half an hour but by the sounds of the replies here it's very normal. The cheating I get why your upset, it's a bubble burst in a way as security feels like your the only one for them in that way. I wouldn't leave him over it if it was me though, not of you was on and off that year.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 07/01/2019 22:16

I face the reverse problem OP..its me who is useless at times,dates and places! Ask my husband day we met,where,how when he can give you times and dates to the minute,He knows anniversaries and the exact time our kids were born etc,Who died when and what year,,,doesn't mean I care any less about stuff than he does it just means i am bloody useless at remembering! Chill ...enjoy the here and now and what you have with your husband would be my advice...

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 22:21

who isn’t able to remember their first shag with their husband?!
most women who didn't save themselves for their wedding night?

ChesterGreySideboard · 07/01/2019 22:22

I can’t remember the last time, let alone the first..........

Original poster

user1470739004 · 07/01/2019 22:25

@momo 18 - no anxiety. Everything was actually really good and we were really looking forward to spending lots of time together over Xmas.

He said I just kept pushing about the cheating. I was questioning him about it but I didn’t expect him to hit me with something else.

OP posts:

Loyaultemelie · 07/01/2019 22:28

I don't remember the first time with Dh. He does but it was his actual first time. I would be devastated about the cheating too though

Surfskatefamily · 08/01/2019 07:07

The not remembering thing is blown out of proportion...i dont as me n hubbys first week was a whirwind of party, skate surf sex etc blurry memory.
However tge cheating would be a biggie to me. Youv every right to be annoyed

Can you go away for a few days and get some thinking space.
You either need to be fully able to forgive and move on together or walk away.

Sleephead1 · 08/01/2019 07:13

I can't remember the first time with my husband , or what date we met, first date or anything but I'm not romantic at all and we both forget our wedding anniversary ect my mum knows the date she met my dad , their first date ECT I just place no importance on this sort of thing as romance is not important to me.I also used to enjoy one night stands and don't see sex in the same way some people do it doesn't have the emotional connection for me So I wouldn't be upset but obviously you are but honestly I would try not to take it personally its 15 years ago loads has happened in the time he might remember things you forget and vice versa

Original poster

user1470739004 · 08/01/2019 07:20

Thanks Everyone, seems like I am blowing not remembering out of proportion. Think if it had been on its own, it wouldn’t be a issue but my head is melted at the moment.

OP posts:

Lauren83 · 08/01/2019 07:22

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest! The cheating however would

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