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Original poster

Husband forgot First time we slept together

99 replies

user1470739004 · 07/01/2019 20:33

Husband has just admitted to not remembering the first time we slept together. Would you be annoyed? We have been together 15 years. Im really hurt but am I blowing this out of proportion?

(We are going through a very bad patch at the moment as he told me 3 weeks ago that he cheated on me (one night stand) 1 year into our relationship. Head is melted.

OP posts:
HildaZelda · 07/01/2019 20:51

I can't remember the first time I slept with DH. I doubt he does either. It's not something I'm concerned about.
I'd be a lot more worried about your DH's ONS.

ShatnersBassoon · 07/01/2019 20:52

The failing memory fades into insignificance when compared to the failing loyalty.

Dartilla · 07/01/2019 20:52

I can't remember the first time with DH very well either, to be honest.

But was it over a decade ago that your DH cheated, but he's only just told you now? I think it's a cruel thing to tell you if it was so long ago. Really cruel.

sollyfromsurrey · 07/01/2019 20:53

Out of interest, why did he suddenly decide to tell you if the ONS after 15 years?

QueenDoris · 07/01/2019 20:54

I can't remember what I had for breakfast let alone the details of a knee trembler from 15 years ago

kaytee87 · 07/01/2019 20:55

I'd wonder why he felt the need to tell you he'd cheated 14 years ago too, is he looking for an out?

Friedspamfritters · 07/01/2019 20:56

I don't think I can remember my first time with DH, I have a vague suspicion if where it was but I wouldn't put money on it.

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 20:56

I am not sure I would be that upset about a one-night stand, 14 years ago, when you were on and off! If he had just proposed or moved in together, fair enough, but otherwise, is it such a big deal? I would focus more on the 14 years since.

Friedspamfritters · 07/01/2019 20:56

Although I agree with PP that it seems, knowing you're feeling unsure he's deliberately mentioning things he know will upset you.

Tortycat · 07/01/2019 20:57

Nope, 11 years in and cant remember either

starabara · 07/01/2019 21:00

Hmmm I agree with PP, how did the cheating come up now?

Is there something else? A one night stand in your first year, when you admit you were on and off/ not really committed, 14 years ago wouldn’t upset me much now I don’t think.... and I wouldn’t be upset if he couldn’t remember when we first had sex; I can remember but only because of something else happening that day!! I don’t remember my previous DP and I having our first time....

Tiredeyes21 · 07/01/2019 21:01

I vaguely remember it (not the actual sex...) but the going out before hand.
I wouldn’t put anything on to it.... as for the one night stand it is what it is... 14 years ago... you weren’t married and hadn’t settled down together.

A few years into our relationship I found out that my now DH has still being sleeping with his ex wife when we got together (fell into place why she hated me so much...hahah)!! But then it was in the first few months, we didn’t know would then spend our lives together... Get married... have DC together. So in the grand scheme of stuff it really really didn’t matter.

I hope you manage to get to this place OP as the other place is where it will eat you up inside and ultimately break your relationship

Dvg · 07/01/2019 21:05

I cant remember mine and my husbands first time, I remember the first time we met but not had sex and weve been together for 3 years only :D Its just... not something that i tend to remember unless something happened that was out of the usual and having sex with a partner just isnt included in that.

NewYorkDoll3 · 07/01/2019 21:09

I remember mine clearly. So does he.

He cheated on you and says he 'can't remember' when you first had sex.

Doesn't sound good sorry OP.

Honeyroar · 07/01/2019 21:12

The fact that he doesn't remember is not important at all. The cheating is a totally different matter! Do you think him not remembering is only really bugging you because you're just annoyed and upset? And everything else is irritating you as a consequence?

Original poster
user1470739004 · 07/01/2019 21:13

He told me because at my estranged grandmothers funeral the week before Xmas, I discovered he had slept with my estranged cousin a few weeks before we met. (I know that’s nothing to do with me as such but I just wish I hadn’t found out at the funeral) he said he didn’t know she was my cousin but we made regained contact about 3 years ago and he collected the food for our sons communication where she works so I don’t really believe him. (We have 2 children 12 and 7)

Anyway, I was annoyed with him & asked him if there was anything he had forgotten to tell me. So he hit me with the ONS. We were arguing about that last night when he said he gets drunk and doesn’t remember stuff, he doesn’t remember our first time etc. (he wasn’t that drunk)

I don’t think he is looking for an out as he has been bending over backwards trying to make a go of things but I don’t know. He keeps hitting me with more stuff. I don’t know if he was sick of me nagging or trying to hurt me.

OP posts:
Nanna50 · 07/01/2019 21:17

I can remember our first kiss but not our first sex. A ONS during an on off year at the start of our relationship would not concern me either. Maybe it’s because you are feeling vulnerable and low but it’s the years that follow that are important. How have they been? Flowers

Jorgezaunders · 07/01/2019 21:26

I can't remember the first time either, probably because there have been and continue to be so many amazing times since. 15 years in, DC together and we are solidly happy. I wouldn't let it worry you.

ScrumptiousBears · 07/01/2019 21:27

TBH OP you wouldn't d like you're 16. With my last partner I couldn't even remember when we met.

Chewbecca · 07/01/2019 21:28

I can't remember either.

londonrach · 07/01/2019 21:29

It be rare to remember unless its recent history for most people so dont hold that against him op. Thats by the by and not why you on here. However the cheating etc. How do you feel about him op. Are you happy. Can you trust him. No trust no relationship is my feeling. Take time op and think...do you love him, can you live with him for x many years, only you know the answer x

Doctorwhosit · 07/01/2019 21:29

He's told you two very hurtful things in short succession. Why? He could have kept both to himself, so why is he being so painfully honest? Is he trying to punish you because you caught him out on a white lie with the cousin? Have you had a pay rise or another rise in status somehow in the economy of power in the relationship and he's trying to take you down a peg? Or is he trying to get you to say, 'If there's anything else, I don't want to know,' because there's something big he's hiding? Or is he (best case) really trying to make a proper commitment at last and is purging all the crap out to make a really good fresh start? I'd keep a close eye on that boy while you figure it out.

keepsmiling2015 · 07/01/2019 21:32

I've never thought about it before but I can't remember the first time with my husband either. We're together 17 years.

MorganKitten · 07/01/2019 21:36

Current partner didn’t remember my name half way through (yeah we started as a one night stand), and he said some things I embarrass him with now. We only got a few hours sleep and when he woke up he hadn’t remembered taking me home. I remember it because it was funny, but also because I was due a wax and at that point a swamp beast.

Doggydoggydoggy · 07/01/2019 21:38

I can’t remember when me and DH first had sex either.
Or our first kiss.
I bet he can’t either.

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