Evening visitors with baby?

[BackToNeverland]

AIBU to not like when people want to come to visit the baby (2 months old) after work and usually around 6/7pm? By then she's in her pj's and I'm trying to settle her (dark lighting and a warm bottle) so she drops off at her bedtime around 8pm.

I know I can't revolve my life around my babies bedtime, but when people want to come round have a cuddle (and wind them up by trying to make her laugh and smile) they get to leave and I'm left with an overtired, overstimulated baby that I now can't get to bed!

AIBU to hate this?

YANBU to only want visitors at a specific time but if people work, it sounds like they are coming straight from work. They also probably don’t expect a two month old to have a bedtime of 8pm.

Yes but if you don't want people to admire your baby say it's not convenient!

YANBU. Do these people ask first or just turn up? Either way, you can say sorry the baby is going to bed/ is in bed/etc. End of story.

Just say it's not convenient.

Seems reasonable bed time to me and I wouldn’t have visitors then.

Nothing wrong with getting a baby used to a quiet sleep time.

YANBU. My first baby was in a 7-7 routine by that stage so I wouldn’t have been keeping him up for visitors. When people tell you they’re coming tell them when suits. Don’t just let them dictate.

Surely they can come on their days off?

Just say no!

Just say no if it doesn’t work.

I know I can't revolve my life around my babies bedtime

You totally can, you'll be doing bedtime every night give or take for about the next 8 years. How many of those nights will there be visitors, damned few I think.

You have to say no.

My dd was in nothing resembling a routine (hahaha) at that point but I was often frazzled and desperate for a shower, something to eat with both hands and to see dp by that time of day.

I’m not the most sociable person but I think most people would understand why it’s not your preference.

The thing is I've constantly said no because of bath/bedtime but my partner thinks we're being too precious with bedtime and need to not be as strict with it. Funnily I'm the one who does All the night feeds so it hardly affects him. I see his point but I don't want people to think I'm some awkward demanding mum who just stops people from visiting. No one ever wants to take their time out on the weekends to come, but on their way home from work is absolutely fine with their schedule

Sorry but baby's needs come first. DD (4 months) can't keep her eyes open past 6pm and we've managed to get a fantastic bath, bottle, bed routine going so that we all sleep better. Friends are welcome to come and see us in the evening but baby goes to bed. Visitors can come at the weekend if they work.

Every time it happens, hand the baby to him and tell him it’s his turn to settle her. Make sure you stay out of the room and he doesn’t get to try to settle her in the living room.

I have a just over 2 month old - how have so many of you managed to get a bedtime routine in place?!! I'm nowhere near a consistent time misses point of thread

Yes of course your DH thinks you should be flexible when he’s not doing anything!! Ask them to come during the day at the weekend if they working.

@MrsLuther19 lol! I really don't know to be honest. She seems to naturally be a creature of habit and just gets tired at the same points of the day, so for a few weeks now we've just done the same thing every night and it's stuck!

At that point with my first we were in a 7-7 (ish) routine. I don’t tend to mess around with bedtime and the routine otherwise we pay for it later on and over a number of days. My toddler can now stay up on the odd occasion so I’m less strict with odd visits or special occasions but when she gets over tired before bed she becomes manic and then is bloody hard work to get down. My family think I’m uptight but my friends have a similar approach so I don’t think it’s uncommon to prioritise sleep and routine if you’re the one that pays when it is disrupted.

Yeah I never had visitors later than 6pm (as in leaving at6pm), as I liked the routine. I just used to say "can you pop in at the weekend instead as 6pm is like the witching hour in our house".

We had this, on the one hand it's lovely people want to see my DS and it's understandable when people work but on the other hand you know how your child will react to a change of routine or being over tired etc

I have a just over 2 month old - how have so many of you managed to get a bedtime routine in place?!!

I have no idea! I lived with my mum at the time and I think she toys with the dark arts it certainly did not happen with second baby! (Lived on my own)

That would have annoyed me immensely. Bedtime routine started at 6.15-6.30 when DS was that age with bath, pyjamas and last feed to be in bed at 7pm. By 8pm he was (hopefully!) asleep.

YANBU. I've very rarely strayed from our bedtime routine, as a result DS (4) is really good at bedtime & generally sleeps 7-6/7. Like you said, you're the one that is left dealing with an over tired/stimulated child so put yourself first! Surely folk can visit at the weekend?

YANBU. My PILs tried to do this to me once - inviting us to visit them at around bathtime. It was more convenient for them, and their other GDCs, if we came to them then. DS had a massive meltdown and surprisingly they’ve not asked again!

I’d also say no

Or tell DH any visitors and he does bedtime - how does he know what it’s like do he doesn’t do it?

Really surprised at how many people do 'routine'. When my daughter was little I took her places - she was portable. There was lots of heavy feeding. I'd rather put her to bed later - about the time I was going to sleep - because I'd then get more sleep myself before she woke for a feed. (I think we did normally do an early evening bath most nights though.)