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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DC home alone for a week?

72 replies

BonnesVacances · 07/01/2019 16:28

Not me, but a member of my family is planning on leaving their DC (16 & 14) at home while they go on holiday abroad for a week. This has been justified as they will be at school during the day and a friend/ neighbour will be popping round to the house to check they're ok. They are left at home alone of a weekend, and have been for a year or so, so presumably the DC don't mind being left for a week.

Even though we have many differences on how to parent, I'm quite shocked they'd do this. But I know my opinion won't be welcome and I really don't want to walk into a big family row about this. So can anyone convince me that it's completely fine really or do I need to step up and say something?

OP posts:
BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 07/01/2019 16:31

Well if they are family maybe you could "step up" and offer to have them?

Joking obviously and no, it's not something I would do but I think this is something you need to stay out of for the good of family relations. It's not fine in an ideal world, I can't imagine anyone saying it is.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/01/2019 16:31

I agree with you as this is not something I ever would have considered, but you need to wind your neck in. This is none of your business.

StereophonicallyChallenged · 07/01/2019 16:39

Depends on the kids, the neighbour, the house, their routine and a whole load of other considerations imo.

I wouldn't judge in a bad way on the ages of the dc and the fact they're going on holiday (rather than engaging in life saving charitable deeds) Smile

Singlenotsingle · 07/01/2019 16:43

I'd worry about parties, drop outs and squatters moving in but I'm probably overthinking it! Hmm

Original poster
BonnesVacances · 07/01/2019 16:45

I don't live close enough to be able to help.

Another family member and I were just wondering today whether we had a responsibility to the DC in question to say something. It does feel a little bit like my business because they are family and I feel like the DC are being put at risk being left on their own. But equally there are other people who should say something but probably won't, so I'll let them take on the responsibility.

Funnily enough, I get a lot of this person's opinions, that I don't ask for, and often say they need to wind their neck in. So it was funny to have that said to me. Grin

OP posts:
abacucat · 07/01/2019 16:45

16 year old fine if sensible, 14 is too young. But nothing you can do.

SongforSal · 07/01/2019 16:47

My youngest is nearly 14. No way would I do this!

adaline · 07/01/2019 16:48

If they're at school all day and have a neighbour dropping in on them every evening I don't really see it as a problem tbh.

Topseyt · 07/01/2019 16:51

If the oldest is only 16 then no, I wouldn't go away for that long. I might consider going for one night, but not much longer.

My youngest is 16. Her two older sisters are 23 and 20. Last September they did all stay here together while DH and I went to Spain for two weeks to celebrate our silver wedding anniversary. No way that I would have left a 16 year old actually in charge for that long though. I think most (probably not all) are still just a little too immature.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 07/01/2019 16:53

No chance. Too much responsibility on the older ones shoulders should anything occur.

RollaCola84 · 07/01/2019 16:58

My parents left me for a week when I was 15. An aunt phoned the first two days to check I was up for school and my grandma checked in a couple evenings as well. It very much depends on the kids but not your business IMO.

mrsm43s · 07/01/2019 16:58

I think the 14 year old is a little too young. But a 16 year old should be fine on their own for a week. I think the issue I would have is the 16 year old being put in the position of being responsible for the 14 year old.

Personally, I would have tried to arrange for the 14 year old to stay with someone else, and left the 16 year old alone.

That said, a responsible 14yr old and 16 yr old will undoubtedly be fine, and I'm not sure I think this is a big a deal as you think it is, especially if they are used to being left at weekends, and so presumably have experience of looking after themselves.

AlpacaLypse · 07/01/2019 17:01

One of mine would have been fine left in charge at 16. The other I still wouldn't want to leave in charge now, and she's nearly 19.

GalacticChickenShit · 07/01/2019 17:03

I don't think I could do this with my two kids (though they are still younger, so who knows how they'd be in a few years time), and probably would have judged someone who did.
Then, this year, my best friends left their 14 and 16 year old's home whilst they went away abroad for a long weekend (4/5 nights). They are very, very sensible kids, I am just round the corner, they know what to do in an emergency. It was all fine. In fact, the kids have grown from the opportunity to do what they did.

So yeah, depends...

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/01/2019 17:04

I don't have teenage kids, so clearly don't know what I am talking about. However there is NO WAY I would leave kids while I swanned off on holiday and left them - is this good parenting (genuinely asking!) - because it sounds wrong to me...

Doctorwhosit · 07/01/2019 17:05

Left my DD (16) in charge of house for 10 days this summer while on a research trip to Kazakhstan with DH. My Best Mate is down the street and dear friends literally around the corner. We've also known the neighbours for 15 years.

It was the making of her. Her confidence zoomed through the roof as she did her own laundry, cooked and cleaned and looked after Dog, Cat and the fish.She also went out and got a job as a barista... and started it while we were still away! She had a rough time in school during her GCSEs and is now totally rocking A* ALevels.

She's very sensible and I knew she would be fine. It was also her choice not to come along. With the above scenario, my only worry would be about the 16 year old looking after the 14 year old. It seems to be a conflict waiting to happen. I'd also be a bit worried about it being term time... that's a lot to organise, if the 14 year old doesn't have themselves together.

It's also legal to leave children over 15... so...

I think every parent knows their children and their abilities best. But I think I'd probably offer, if I were you, to have them or at least have them to dinner midweek.

agnurse · 07/01/2019 17:06

My parents left us alone for a week when I was about 15 or 16 - and I had 5 younger siblings depending on me, the youngest of whom was no more than 7 or 8! It depends on the child.

junebirthdaygirl · 07/01/2019 17:07

In our neighbourhood dps did this. A fight broke out over something simple and after a big tussle the younger child was killed. The parents were abroad. It was truly awful. I would not do it.

fourplusfour · 07/01/2019 17:07

So much depends on personality and routines of the children tbh . My eldest is 18 and DD2 is 14 I have left them overnight but probably wouldn't leave them for a week. Not convinced the 14 year old would actually make it to school for a start.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 07/01/2019 17:07

My sil left her 16 and 17 year old ds and they had a massive house party,she came back to condoms on the floor and blinds torn down etc.Far too young imo id say over 18

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 17:08

My parents left us alone around that age, we very strongly rebelled against a babysitter to look after us!

A responsible 16 year old is more than old enough to stay home with a 14. Hopefully they have family friends close enough to call if needed and be warned strongly about out of hand parties.

I would be uncomfortable if it's an isolated house in the middle of nowhere, but otherwise, you have to trust them at some point.

PolkaDoting · 07/01/2019 17:13

I think it sounds fine.

jessstan2 · 07/01/2019 17:14

I don't think you should say anything, not your business. What the parents are doing isn't illegal though my opinion is the kids are a bit too young to be left home alone. Another year or so and they'd be ready. Still, like I said, not illegal and nobody else's business.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 07/01/2019 17:14

If there’s no family to help out who’s the point of contact if something happens at school? If they fall ill? I can’t imagine leaving one dependent on the other but my oldest niece is nearly 17 and she gets left alone. But she’s only expected to take care of herself, school will contact us if they needed to. Maybe I worry to much

WhoNose88 · 07/01/2019 17:16

I left home at 16 and had already traveled through several countries, partly alone and partly with a friend by that age, so really don't see a problem with the older one being on their own if they trust them.

The 14 year old would be more of a grey area, and it would depend on their level of maturity and ability to be independent, as well as how responsible the person popping in is for them. Personally I'd err on the side of caution, but it's ultimately the parents' decision.

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