Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To leave DC home alone for a week?

72 replies

BonnesVacances · 07/01/2019 16:28

Not me, but a member of my family is planning on leaving their DC (16 & 14) at home while they go on holiday abroad for a week. This has been justified as they will be at school during the day and a friend/ neighbour will be popping round to the house to check they're ok. They are left at home alone of a weekend, and have been for a year or so, so presumably the DC don't mind being left for a week.

Even though we have many differences on how to parent, I'm quite shocked they'd do this. But I know my opinion won't be welcome and I really don't want to walk into a big family row about this. So can anyone convince me that it's completely fine really or do I need to step up and say something?

OP posts:

CantSleepClownsWillEatMe · 07/01/2019 18:05

Mine did when I was @ 14, my older siblings were 15 and 16. We were fine but we were maybe more mature than a lot of teens today, lived in a very settled neighbourhood, were very used to doing things around the house ourselves - grocery shopping, cooking and so on. We wouldn't have dared have parties as the neighbours would all have been asked to keep an eye and definitely would have told on us.

So I think it very much depends on the dc themselves and I imagine if they've proved capable in the past when left for 2 or 3 nights then they and the parents are confident they'll be ok for a week. In all honesty if you have a dc who's happy at 16/17 to let their parents come home to a trashed house and used condoms walked into the floor then I doubt another year or two will see much improvement! As regards the fights/accidental deaths well, those are terrible but unless you'd never leave your teens together without you or another adult for even 30 mins then that could happen anyway.

NerrSnerr · 07/01/2019 18:22

It depends on the child. I was left at that age for a few days here and there (from about 14-15). This was after my siblings left home. My brother couldn't have been left as he'd be on the computer all night and miss school and my sister couldn't be left as she'd have a party.

I was very boring and liked the quiet and being able to eat what I wanted.

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 18:26

thinking about it, if my daughter was at risk of being killed by her brother over a remote, I wouldn't be safe left at home with them either!

RandomMess · 07/01/2019 19:17

I wouldn't, a few friends around turning into an all out party via social media. Burning the house down being careless in the kitchen...

One night is very different to a week!!

Two of mine are far more trustworthy than the other two!

I hope the neighbours are fully on board that does make a huge difference.

redyawn · 07/01/2019 19:25

I would be worried about this. I also have a 16 and 14yo. I went away recently for 3 nights. I asked my mum to babysit because my 14yo is of a nervous disposition and I knew they would be scared to be sleeping with no adults in the house. The 16yo is chilled and sensible and may well have been perfectly ok alone...... although I couldn't be sure.

DCs and I were happy for DM just to come for the night although in the event she was there for the afternoon/evening too.

WickedGoodDoge · 07/01/2019 19:35

We’re going away for a week in May. DS will be 17 and he’s staying home with the dog. DD will be 14 and we think it’s still a bit too young for her to be left so she’s going to stay with PIL’s.

14 is a bit of a grey area - I’d be OK leaving her overnight but not for a full week, especially when we are overseas.

Original poster

BonnesVacances · 07/01/2019 19:35

Thanks for all the comments.

I have no desire to get into an argument with them about it. Just wasn't sure if I had a responsibility to look out for these DC and raise it, if I thought they were at risk. But as it seems that they're not at risk anyway, that's fine and I'm more than happy to stay out of it.

DH said that if he found out one of his Y9 form group was alone for a week with his Y11 brother he'd have to report it immediately to the Head of Year under safeguarding. So if it comes up at school, someone will deal with it anyway and determine if it's an issue or not.

OP posts:

Nighttimenope · 07/01/2019 19:45

Just chipping in to say that my mum and dad left us home alone for a week while they went to Canada- my brother was 18, I was 17, and had 3 other siblings at home aged 14, 11 and 4. My older brother did very little except ‘keep in line’, I mainly took charge of the 4 yo and the 11yo and 14yo had school every day. We made simple dinners, took turns clearing up. Dad was away on business for 2 weeks, mum had been offered the week as paid for with him (she would never have afforded it if his work hadn’t paid, and they used to live in the location so she was keen to see old friends.) Our parents can’t believe it now looking back, but we had family and friends checking in with us every day and lived in a safe area with known neighbours all around us. I’m sure there was pearl clutching from folk who knew us at the time but nobody said.
Mum hated every minute of the trip and couldn’t wait to get back

cadburyegg · 07/01/2019 20:09

14 is too young and the 16 year old shouldn’t be left in charge for that long.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 07/01/2019 20:18

I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy my holiday

LakieLady · 07/01/2019 20:42

A couple of weeks before my 17th birthday, my mum took my brother to stay with my DF in Germany for 6 weeks (DF was working there). I had my boyfriend stay over and we had a few drunken gatherings, so not the most sensible 16/17 year olds, but nothing untoward happened.

So much depends on the children involved. If they're relatively mature and sensible, and get on well, I think it's fine, but if they're not ...

My friend's DDs got on so badly at that sort of age that when she went into hospital for 10 days, the oldest one came and stayed with me. Although they would only have been alone together for a couple of hours before their dad got home from work, there was every likelihood that it would have ended in violence. They had such a bad row once that DD13 threatened DD15 with a carving knife - when their mum was there! (They get on fine now, are really close)

Coyoacan · 08/01/2019 00:35

I had left home at 16, but then we were so much older then.

SharkBrilliant · 08/01/2019 00:37

My mum regularly used to leave me alone with my younger brother (6 years age difference) once I hit 16-17.

It’s actually really hurtful being left behind like that while the parents have a holiday without you. Personally I think 14 & 16 is a little young

pineapplebryanbrown · 08/01/2019 01:11

My mum left me home alone for a week when i was 15. I was delighted to have the house to myself so that my much older boyfriend and I could have sex in her bed all week.

Bufferingkisses · 08/01/2019 01:19

You realise this "But equally there are other people who should say something but probably won't, so I'll let them take on the responsibility." Is the someone else's problem approach which is a massive cop out?

If you think it's not ok report it to the relevant authorities. Child endangerment is everyone's problem. If you don't think she's endangering the children what's your point?

whatsthepointthen · 08/01/2019 02:28

I think its fine my sister
lived alone in a flat with a baby at 16 so surely a 16 year old will be ok with a 14 year old for only a week.

WaxOnFeckOff · 08/01/2019 07:07

There is a big difference between being responsible for your own baby at age 16 and being responsible for a 14 year old.

budgiegirl · 08/01/2019 08:01

I left my two boys aged 16 and 15 for 5 days to go away with my DH and younger child. It was the boys choice not to come away with us.

However, they’re both sensible , they don’t argue (anymore!) and neither really drinks.
Also my MIL lives a 2 minute drive away, and could pop in at any time, and the neighbours were also there in case of emergency.

My MIL kept saying she thought they were too young to be left, until my DH pointed out that MIL left him and his younger brother alone for two weeks when they were 14 and 12 !

I probably wouldn’t have left my sons when they were 14, that just feels a bit too young to me, but I can see why some people might.

WH1SPERS · 08/01/2019 08:18

At 17 my child went to university on the other side of the country. So yes, there’s no reason why a 16 year old cant be left for a week. As always, it depends on the individual.

Some men apparently can’t be left home alone aged 40 without a meal cooked for them .

Pinkprincess1978 · 08/01/2019 11:07

I'm not sure I would leave a 14 year old that long but 16 is fine. My mum was married at 17 and it is legal to get married at 16 - can we really say it's fine to get married but not live alone with support for a week?

I think whether I left a 14 year old with a 16 year old would depend on their maturity and how they get on. Their parents know better than you though so I would stay out of it.

whatsthepointthen · 08/01/2019 13:07

There is a big difference between being responsible for your own baby at age 16 and being responsible for a 14 year old.

Really?! so you think 14 year olds are harder to look after than babies 😂 only on MN

Original poster

BonnesVacances · 08/01/2019 14:13

The oldest will be just turned 16 (15 now but will have a birthday just before the parents go away). The other is already 14.

I do wonder though (as I have done in the past re these DC) where we're supposed to draw the line about getting involved when you see other parents doing things that you perceive to be putting DC at risk. If something happened to one of them, people would surely be wondering why the rest of the family said nothing about them being left, if they felt it wasn't appropriate.

So I'm not sure that it's "none of my business" as they are family and of course I don't want harm to come to the DC, but at the same time, as I've said before, there are other people in this who really should say something and I'll leave it to them. It's not an argument I want to have!

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread