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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave DC home alone for a week?

72 replies

BonnesVacances · 07/01/2019 16:28

Not me, but a member of my family is planning on leaving their DC (16 & 14) at home while they go on holiday abroad for a week. This has been justified as they will be at school during the day and a friend/ neighbour will be popping round to the house to check they're ok. They are left at home alone of a weekend, and have been for a year or so, so presumably the DC don't mind being left for a week.

Even though we have many differences on how to parent, I'm quite shocked they'd do this. But I know my opinion won't be welcome and I really don't want to walk into a big family row about this. So can anyone convince me that it's completely fine really or do I need to step up and say something?

OP posts:

StreetwiseHercules · 07/01/2019 17:19

I would leave the 16 year old, no problem at all but I wouldn’t leave the 14 year old in the care of a 16 year old for a week. Maybe a day and night at a push.

formerbabe · 07/01/2019 17:20

No, I don't agree with this. A week is too long. Overnight occasionally I think would be fine.

DubBeGoodToMe · 07/01/2019 17:21

In our neighbourhood dps did this. A fight broke out over something simple and after a big tussle the younger child was killed

A fight broke out between the siblings? What ages were they? How did the younger one die exactly? How absolutely horrible for the parents.

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 17:21

who’s the point of contact if something happens at school?

it could be any of their friends or the kids friends parents. It is easier to ask people for help in case of an emergency than to "babysit" or host 2 teenagers for a week. Presumably the neighbour checking on them will be available.

Some kids have a baby at 16, others have a job, it's far too young but staying at home is nothing.

Til89 · 07/01/2019 17:21

My mum used to leave my sister and I at that age. I hated it, I would never do it.

ShalomJackie · 07/01/2019 17:25

one word - partaaaaay!

whiteroseredrose · 07/01/2019 17:27

I'd leave the 16 year old, but not give them responsibility for the 14 year old. In the past DS (then 18) stayed home alone but DD (14) stayed with my mum.

Both are really sensible but it's not fair for either of them if the older one is "in charge ".

WaxOnFeckOff · 07/01/2019 17:31

Not so much about whether they are old enough to be left, but I think my DC would be devastated if we were going on holiday without them! But accept this is probably why at 18 and 19 this summer, they still want to come on holiday with DH and I! I don't think I would leave a 14 year old, even with a sensible 16 year old. You are sort of making the 16 year old responsible for a younger sibling I suppose and I don't think that sits right with me.

BrokenWing · 07/01/2019 17:32

Dh's parents left him and his brothers (13, 15, 17) home alone regularly. The problem is they get less careful and push the boundaries when they realise what they can get away with.

One weekend they decided (after a few drinks) to have a snack. Forgot the frying pan and set kitchen alight, extensive damage, fire brigade called out, but thankfully noone hurt. His parents got a call but still didn't come home until the next day.

Not something I would do, but someone who is going to do this won't listen to your anyway,

legolimb · 07/01/2019 17:33

Depends on the DC. Some are way more mature and competent than others.

It isn't illegal. It is for the parents to judge how responsible the DC can be

As long as there are enough contacts nearby just on case then I see no issue.

DubBeGoodToMe · 07/01/2019 17:33

I also agree that leaving the 16 year old in charge of the 14 year old is problematic - it’s tii much responsibility and can also cause resentment. I also think 16 is too young to be left alone for a week.

Bordercollies · 07/01/2019 17:34

At 15 i stayed at my grandmother house for 2 weeks to look after her 7 dogs (she was a breeder) whilst she and my mother went to turkey on holiday. At the time i wasnt bothered and everything was fine but i look back and im a bit pissed off. I was never given the option to go with them. My first holiday was when i was 17 and my dad took me to centreparks!! I wasmt even a particularly mature 15 year old although my aspergers meant i would never be the kid to throw a wild party i suppose!! And i was too terrified of my mother to put a foot wrong. I dont think id do it to my dd. Although shes an only so i just wouldnt like to think of her alone. Id maybe leave her for a few days if she had a close aged sibling.

TheBigBangRocks · 07/01/2019 17:35

Ring the NSPCC and ask for advice. They will help.

Both are still minors and the sixteen year old shouldn't be expected to parent.

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 17:45

Ring the NSPCC
seriously?

No wonder people complain about parents holding the hands of their children starting uni nowadays. It's ridiculous.

Raggedyaine · 07/01/2019 17:46

Similar to the story above, a couple went out to the local pub for an evening leaving their 15 and 18 year olds at home in Dublin a few years ago. They fought over, apparently, the remote control and the 15 year old (boy) killed the 18 year old (girl). It's made me wary of leaving mine (though I do, for hours rather than days) as I remember violent fights with my siblings at that age. Extreme cases of course but even still it would be the element of them fighting rather than external factors that would worry me.

Coyoacan · 07/01/2019 17:47

It really depends on the kids.

But maybe we should also raise a voice about the children being raised with too much cotton-wool around them, ill equipping them for adulthood.

Notmytelescope · 07/01/2019 17:49

My parents left us when 15 and 17 for a week at a time. Once they didnt even know their destination and we had to wait for them to phone with details. Obviously this was before mobiles so no way of us reaching them. We had our DGM at the end of a phone but 400 miles away IRL.

We did have a party, but our frinds were are safe and sensible as we were ( boring?) and no one thought to bring alchohol!

TimetoChange2017 · 07/01/2019 17:50

I think a lot depends on the kids. 14 year olds vary hugely. I was a bit of a nightmare and it would've been totally unfair to leave my (very well behaved) 16 year old brother in charge of my misadventures, leave alone what I've have done with no parents around. But I've taught some very mature and responsible young teens I could envisage leaving with intermittent supervision.

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 17:51

They fought over, apparently, the remote control and the 15 year old (boy) killed the 18 year old (girl).

OMFG

how old will you trust your child to be left alone then? 25? 30?

AnotherPidgey · 07/01/2019 17:52

It's not a completely new experience to them and they have support which is positive.

A lot depends on personality. DM left me and DB at 15 & 22. He was back from uni, but she felt happier having responsible me in the house than leaving him alone! (He was awful for locking up, and she knew I'd remember to feed the pets) We got on particularly well that week as there was no one else to play up to. She was a widow and had a rare chance for a holiday with other adult friends.

It's quite a grey area as there are so many variables. Hypothetically the 16 yo could be living alone with a baby. A sensible 14 year old with a good relationship is much less responsibility than that. (Assuming they get on well...)

PolkaDoting · 07/01/2019 17:54

They fought over, apparently, the remote control and the 15 year old (boy) killed the 18 year old (girl). It's made me wary of leaving mine (though I do, for hours rather than days) as I remember violent fights with my siblings at that age

Well obviously if the siblings have violent fights they shouldn’t be left, I don’t think anyone would say otherwise

Tartyflette · 07/01/2019 17:55

We left DS at home for a few days when he was 16; he was and is sensible and reasonably responsible, we said he could have a couple of friends round but NO parties.
It worked well, I think he had three or four 16-17 yr old friends round one evening, they had a couple of beers and went into the garden to smoke. We had agreed he could take up to four small beers and if anyone smoked they had to go outside. There was no evidence of anything else!
So it all depends on the child.

tinytreefrog · 07/01/2019 17:58

The 16 year old maybe if they are sensible and happy to be left. The 14 year old, absolutely no way, not old enough. Not even for one night let alone a week.

RedTartanLass · 07/01/2019 18:00

Blimey you can get married, have kids and join the army at 16! I think they can be left alone for a week! The parents know their own kids and if they think the 16 year old can look after a mature 14 year old, why not?

You should keep out. I'm shocked that people even think this is too young! 🙀

ThomasRichard · 07/01/2019 18:02

Well the Famous Five were much younger and got sent off in a horse-drawn caravan for the summer and they were fine...

I think it depends on the children. If they’re responsible, used to a decent measure of independence and aren’t bothered about being left for that long then it’s fine. If they’re worried, fight like cat and dog or don’t know how to look after themselves or what to do in an emergency then not fine. The parents are best-places to know so I’d stay out of it TBH.

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