To check my dd's phone

[BradleyPooper]

My dd is 14 and pretty sensible and mature for her age. She is on Instagram and messaging someone she met online. Seems to be general teen chat, insta account seems legit for another teen girl (don't they all?)....

Dd is upset that I checked her phone, has asked me to trust her and has changed her passcode. She knows all about grooming, what should not be communicated or sent online and said that she should be allowed to have friends.

Aibu to keep checking her phone or should I let her have privacy?

nope you are right

Keep checking!

My DD is a bit younger than yours, but a requirement of her having a smartphone is that we know her passcode and can check her phone.

As the adult it is your responsibility to make sure she is safe not accept her 14yo hunch.
And as guessing you pay the bill the account and its safety is your responsibility too.

A 14yr old has no right to privacy on a phone or device. Any good parent would be checking phones and all social media accounts.

I check my dc's randomly. I would be cross if they were messaging a stranger. I would take the phone away if she won't give you the code.

I don't read all their messages so they do have privacy I just have a quick scroll through and make sure what I see is age appropriate and that they have good privacy settings.

It's always been a rule since my 14 year old had a phone at the start of year 7 that we must know the passcode and will check it.
Another rule is she is her Instagram and snapchat are private profiles and she must know everyone who follows her. I used to do random spot checks!
Over the years her friends have had mishaps online and via messages which we have discussed and she has learnt from via their mistakes.
I do check her phone now but very discreetly, I don't read messages which she hasn't read first so the notifications don't change. This does mean that I don't check a lot of her messages on Instagram or snapchat. I've accepted I need to trust her more as she gets older, if I interfere too much I figure she'll just find another way to message and she will hide more from me somehow.

All experts say that you have to have access to their phones . It's to keep them safe. Can u look up some teen friendly videos advice from police etc that show dangers of online friendships ?

Op Google Breck Beckner

Sorry its Breck Bednar. Steel yourself it's a horrific story of a boy who made a friend online who groomed him and murdered him. The mother now campaigns to support and inform parents and teens

Both of mine know that the deal is that we require that we have access and oversight upon demand/request, and that we do not have to justify said demand/request to them.

They do not have to agree to these terms and conditions. If they do not, we will resume possession of said devices, and of course, stop paying for any data/plans. Any attempt to impede any oversight requested or required will also result in loss of possession.

Be upfront and clear about the terms and conditions, about what your rights are, what their rights are, what your responsibilities are as a parent with reference to their safekeeping and wellbeing, and what their responsibilities are, as well.

I wouldn't dream of invading my 14 yo dds privacy live this.It is her own phone and she pays for it herself, but I wouldn't anyway

keep checking - log her instagram in on your phone if she doesn't want you actually looking at her phone!

We have caught some pretty bad bullying from a so called friend this way and been able to step in before it went too far.

I take it you pay for the phone? maybe have a deal, you look, you pay - you can't look and she cant have it paid for her!

The thing is grown adults get groomed. It doesn't matter how old or grown up you are these people are really clever. Often only the people outside can see it.

Losetwostone it's about protecting a child from predators. L

She gives you the passcode or she gives you the phone

Keep checking - she is 14, she is still a child.

I have a friend who never checked her kids phones. Then she discovers that her 15 year old had been in a sexual relationship with a 28 year old man. He is now in prison. Friends marriage is breaking up due to blame, guilt, utter devastation..
the 15 year olds mental health is not good
If they could have their time back that phone would have been checked rigorously

I wouldn't dream of invading my 14 yo dds privacy live this

That's a shame. It's your job to protect her.

What's to stop kids messaging everybody through snapchat where it disappears once read?

Thanks all, message received loud and clear. We will keep checking.

What's to stop kids messaging everybody through snapchat where it disappears once read?

Nothing. But that doesn't mean we should not check phones.

I don't have a teen so it's not an area I'm familiar with yet, but I do have to say I'm surprised this is such a common and accepted thing. I understand predators and online bullying but I think a 14 year old should have some sort of privacy, it's a very sensitive age.

OP your DD might know about grooming but she is not mature enough to deal with it and groomers and paedophiles are very very clever. Some adults are fooled by them so YANBU to go through her phone.

I understand predators and online bullying but I think a 14 year old should have some sort of privacy, it's a very sensitive age.

Mine had lots of privacy at 14. I still looked at their phones occasionally. Privacy can come in various forms. So many teens have been groomed, raped, murdered even, simply because nobody saw, nobody stopped it, nobody protected them.