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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does being in a hospital exempt you from having manners?

79 replies

PookieDo · 07/01/2019 12:46

I spent the AM in a hospital department (by myself, no friend or partner to accompany me). Last week I was there for 6 hours and it was also very busy but today I was really fucked off by the behaviour of the people in the waiting area. Firstly I completely appreciate people can suffer from hidden disabilities but bearing in mind the majority of people arrived in 2’s or 3’s, not all of the people in attendance were the patients waiting for treatment.

I arrived early and it was fairly quiet at that point so took a seat. Over the next 2 hours it got very very busy where there was no seating at all.

An elderly couple came to check in at the desk so I indicated to the lady that she could sit in my seat and I would stand. At this point a man I presume to be her son came out from behind her (in his 50’s) and dived into my seat with the reflexes of a cat. As he was now sitting down before his mother, another patient had to get up to make room for the elderly mother next to him. Annoying Son then proceeded to very obviously leer and peer at all the patients being treated in the main clinic room including someone being wheeled out on a trolley, and discuss them all with his mother. Confused Angry The elderly father stood in the corridor for over 1.5 hours.

I then watched even more elderly or visibly ill (on oxygen!) patients have to stand whilst everyone else completely ignored them. This got to the point where the receptionist stood up to demand in a stern voice that only patients should be sitting and visitors should stand. At which point only 2 people begrudgingly stood up!

Are people not embarrassed of themselves?? I think there was something similar about this on here last week - well this behaviour is alive and kicking i can reassure you!

OP posts:
Graphista · 08/01/2019 05:45

I think people like this should be publicly named and shamed! It's disgusting!

I'm disabled but it's mainly invisible but anyone observing would see I have a slight limp and am not exactly speedy! Weirdly many chairs are unsuitable for me so I'm often standing/pacing as sitting is too painful/likely to cause numbing.

I've occasionally had to explain this to people who've noted the limp and offered me a seat, who are being quite insistent that I sit in a chair I'd likely need an hour and an injection to get up from again!

Clearly the man in the op's example is plenty fit enough to stand and just a rude git!

I'm a gobby cow though and if I see clearly fit (eg I've just seen them do a little jog or something else that indicates it) people taking up seats they don't need I'll tell them to get up! It's basic good manners.

My aunt has an invisible disability (heart condition means she can't walk far) she got so sick of older BUT fitter people having a go at her for sitting at the front on buses she's started taking her blue badge with her (even though not needed for buses) and silently holds it right up to their faces.

Personally I think if they do it in medical places they should be fined! Especially if they get rude/aggressive. Unfortunately the nature of nhs employees (caring, understanding) generally means they're reluctant to deal with these idiots (that and the very real threat of violence).

Fluffymule - Re chemo - I'd go as far as to say anyone obviously ill/infectious shouldn't be admitted at all unless a patient. That's not just ridiculous that's potentially fatal!

Celebelly maybe it's the cantankerousness of age but I'd have told him to "turn that off! The midwife needs to hear the equipment!"

I do think if more people complained and told off these arses they'd be less likely to do it. People weren't better mannered in the past because they were better people but because there were consequences.

I've a lot of military in my family and knowing them well I honestly believe it's more the case their manners improved because when they were in if reports went to their bosses of poor behaviour it wasn't just a bollocking it affected promotion prospects!

Ditto schools now not properly disciplining pupils, when I was at school if we misbehaved in school uniform we got in trouble off the school AND parents (school would tell the parents in full expectation there'd be consequences at home too) and we'd get (depending on the severity of the "crime") litter duty, extra homework, detention, stopped from going on next school jolly.

Too many people don't behave well altruistically but to avoid consequences for themselves. We seem to have forgotten this.

Here's an idea - what about patients get a (reusable) wristband and only those with wristbands can sit when seating ltd/busy. Then if necessary staff can check periodically and tell any non wristband wearers to get up!

And on buses/trains hard barriers across seats that only disabled/pregnant passengers (who'd have an appropriate barcode or something on their ticket) can access.

actually what I'd like is each seat wired to provide a small electric shock and if a staff member spots a non patient sitting can give em a jolt! Would also be good to apply on buses & trains

Chocatoo - herein lies the difficulty though. Dd appears fit but has a hidden disability (eds) and standing on buses in particular can result very easily in injury if the bus stops suddenly or she's jostled. We ended up getting a disabled ID thingy for her cos she was constantly getting berated for not standing. She does though get friends/acquaintances to stand for others and will stand at a push if she can "anchor" herself and they're more disabled than she and no other fucker will

Rarfy and others re wards. Long time since I've worked on one but for patient rest ALONE I think doing away with strict visitors rules was the worst idea ever!

"We see this dreadful entitled behaviour going on yet we continue to facilitate it by tutting, sighing, complaining afterwards but not calling the guilty people out at the time!" Exactly!

MrsAriadne - personally I think security should have been called to remove those men. That's utterly disgusting behaviour!

On "but they might have an invisible disability" if that's the case they usually have no problem saying so, most of the time they don't, they're just lazy, selfish, entitled arses - and yes usually men!

PookieDo · 08/01/2019 07:08

It just doesn’t seem likely that all of the relatives you see in waiting rooms ALL have hidden disabilities. Perhaps the odd person does

OP posts:
Batteriesallgone · 08/01/2019 07:27

Funny the person who mentioned the bus from the hospital full of students. Student doctors are the worst here for giving up seats.

When I was pregnant and wrangling two small children and a baby bump, I was always offered a seat on the bus. EXCEPT when coming from near the hospital when the bus was full of student medics. The entitlement is real.

Polarbearflavour · 08/01/2019 13:05

AnoukSpirit - I too have been an NHS patient on a number of occasions and have never felt the need to be rude or unpleasant to healthcare professionals. Hmm

As a nurse in a walk-in centre, I was regularly sworn at for not giving people antibiotics when they had no need for them. I was threatened and told they would be waiting for me after my shift once. I also had a chair thrown at me by a teenage girl. There is never any excuse. And I was always pleasant and polite and I still got abuse.

DH and I are are constantly griping about entitlement! We go to Waitrose for our shop on a Sunday and some of the other customers are really entitled, God knows how they treat the Waitrose staff.

When I was a student nurse I spent some time in an antenatal clinic. I too was shocked by the husbands/partners sitting whilst pregnant women were standing or sitting on the floor. There were signs around and midwives and receptionists would ask men to stand up too. Sure, a few of them may have had hidden disibilities but not all of them.

I feel lucky that DP is honourable, kind and has lovely manners, a true officer and gentleman!

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