Does being in a hospital exempt you from having manners?

[PookieDo]

I spent the AM in a hospital department (by myself, no friend or partner to accompany me). Last week I was there for 6 hours and it was also very busy but today I was really fucked off by the behaviour of the people in the waiting area. Firstly I completely appreciate people can suffer from hidden disabilities but bearing in mind the majority of people arrived in 2’s or 3’s, not all of the people in attendance were the patients waiting for treatment.

I arrived early and it was fairly quiet at that point so took a seat. Over the next 2 hours it got very very busy where there was no seating at all.

An elderly couple came to check in at the desk so I indicated to the lady that she could sit in my seat and I would stand. At this point a man I presume to be her son came out from behind her (in his 50’s) and dived into my seat with the reflexes of a cat. As he was now sitting down before his mother, another patient had to get up to make room for the elderly mother next to him. Annoying Son then proceeded to very obviously leer and peer at all the patients being treated in the main clinic room including someone being wheeled out on a trolley, and discuss them all with his mother. The elderly father stood in the corridor for over 1.5 hours.

I then watched even more elderly or visibly ill (on oxygen!) patients have to stand whilst everyone else completely ignored them. This got to the point where the receptionist stood up to demand in a stern voice that only patients should be sitting and visitors should stand. At which point only 2 people begrudgingly stood up!

Are people not embarrassed of themselves?? I think there was something similar about this on here last week - well this behaviour is alive and kicking i can reassure you!

It’s awful, and I’m afraid to say that in-patients can be just as bad.

was in hospital 2.5 years ago when another woman was checked in on my ward. She was perfectly capable, up and down and to the day room and so on and so forth, yet when it came to dinner time she actually buzzed a nurse to come and move her fork to the other side of the tray. called a nurse at 3 AM for a cup of tea and shouted “look at me when I speak to you,” loudly across the room at the poor unfortunate individual who had the misfortune to have attended to her. Shouted, complained, tutted etc because the window was open (I had been specifically moved to that room because it had an opening window and was struggling in a warm hospital ward but no, was too cold for her and she then told me in no uncertain terms that I was going to just have to get used to it because someone has to compromise and it wasn’t going to be her.

Fortunately for her I was discharged that afternoon or the bitch would have got a piece of my mind.....

I remember ten years ago I had broken my arm in two places, had a massive cast with a sling, and no one offered me their seat on the standing room only bus. I guess from their point of view I had two legs and an arm so could stand but I would have thought it would be obvious that I’d struggle to keep my balance and would be in pain. I wouldn’t have kept my seat if the roles had been reversed. Yes it was only a broken arm but I still think someone with no broken arm should offer up their chair in that scenario! I was too shy to ask for a seat but the bus driver refused to leave until someone let me have theirs.

I had this at the antenatal clinic (you know the one where the midwife takes your blood pressure and you pee in a pot). Nothing interesting, no scan and totally didn’t need to take anyone with you, but full of random relatives cluttering up the waiting room. I used to ask the nearest youngish guy for their seat. They always moved sharpish and pleasantly though, so no real complaints

When I was walking with a stick after an accident I found people were lovely and I was usually offered a seat on the bus. However, I have seen it so many times, especially on the tube, that an elderly or pregnant or person with crutches / sticks gets on and the people in the "priority" seats pretend to be asleep / engrossed in their book. Assuming I'm already standing, I have no qualms about saying to them in a loud voice, "If you're not disabled, please can you give up your PRIORITY seat for this person?" I'm well aware that they might have a hidden disability but most of them don't, they're just cheeky fuckers.

It's nuts, isn't it? Some people just seem to be in their own world.

I was in the maternity ward a few weeks ago for reduced movements, and in the bed beside us, the man of the couple was watching something on his laptop at full volume in a communal ward (his partner had been taken off for some tests or something I think). I was gobsmacked –we had a CTG on and the midwife could barely hear our baby's heartbeat over the sound of the film he was watching. My DP was furiously muttering about headphones. It would never even occur to me to watch a film at full volume on a communal ward with other people present, but obviously this chap had no issues with it.

Tbh I think the midwives should probably have asked him to turn it off, but we had quite a young student midwife who might not have felt confident enough to do so. But surely it's just good manners and people shouldn't have to be asked?!

And then while we were waiting, a couple came to complain that they had been waiting for a consultant to speak to them before they were discharged. They were apologised to and told that there had been an emergency that the consultant had been called away to, but he would be with them as soon as possible, but they kept grumbling and huffing and puffing and sighing and making snide comments. All I could think was 'Be bloody thankful you aren't that emergency'.

YANBU It's an absolute disgrace! No one has any shame anymore. People don't know how to behave in public spaces, all space is there personal space and it's two fingers up to everyone else. Makes me rage!

I always ask people directly to move. When I was pregnant and starting to struggle to stand for long periods of time, I would just ask people if I could sit down. If they said no, then I'd ask someone else. No one ever said no though. I think the very direct question while looking in someone's eye does help. I've done it on behalf of other people too.
"Excuse me, hi, sorry, hello? Can this lady please have this seat? She is pregnant/unable to stand/disabled and needs to sit down"

It's shitty that we have to do this but I find that asking generally to a crowd of people means they are less likely to move.

This was happening in antenatal clinics when I had DC1 back in 1986.

Perhaps it's time hospitals had a "patient only" waiting room, if companions can't behave.

It doesn't help when everyone gets the same appointment time so you have more people there than necessary. This is something hospital managers could address. I've had a lot of hospital visits over the last few years and there are rarely enough chairs for people waiting to be seen. The oncology clinics are really bad for this and always packed. Then you get an elderly couple glaring at you because you are sitting, when you are a patient and one of them isn't.

Our chemo unit has clear notices outside saying "One visitor per person" Space is very limited. However we have witnessed a woman come in with her husband, her mother and her two children, one of whom ran around all over the waiting area, climbed on the chairs and tables and spread his germs throughout. In a room full of immunocompromised people. Horrible.

It's so selfish, but so common these days.
You see it in threads on here all the time - not just hospital waiting rooms but people refusing to give up seats on buses and trains, people who don't need them using disabled spaces, people basically just not giving a flying fuck about anyone other than themselves.

It's becoming a laudable rarity when someone does something nice and kind! Look out for it on a Facebook video page - "lad does kind generous thing for older person" or similar - because it's noteworthy now when people do the right thing.

So bloody sad.

They'll probably end up banning family members and partners from waiting rooms altogether. And no doubt the loudest complainers will be the rude, ignorant and inconsiderate pigs whose behaviour caused the ban in the first place.

Thing is I can see how people justify public transport for themselves as they have paid for it (no excuse, but still)

But in a hospital there is often a fairly clear distinction between ‘patient ill or needing treatment’ and ‘relative of patient in good health’ in comparison and that people can’t see it makes me despair

Yes I wish I had said something but as it was only me who moved voluntarily and I didn’t know how many more hours I would be stuck with them I stood blocking the view of the TV instead

I feel that as mothers the future is to some extent in our hands - do you ensure that you teach your children to stand in these circumstances? I certainly do and am 99% confident that DD would stand.
Do you teach your children to be kind and considerate? I do, but the reason that I ask is because I observe so many of DDs cohort behaving in a way that I think their parents would be shocked if they saw. So many parents wear rose tinted glasses when it comes to their offsprings' behaviour.

I'm into my fourth week in hospital and can confirm that some of the patients and their visitors are down and out rude with no thoughts to other patients whatsoever.

Fortunately i have had my own side room on and off due to the duration of my stay but on the days i was on the ward i had to deal with people talking on loud speak to families and children past 11pm at night and bringing in children and letting them play on their tablets with the volume full wack for hours at a time amongst other things. Some were not friendly at all either which i found difficult when having to spend so much time with them.

I had to ask a couple of children to vacate the seats they were sprawling in the shoe department of a store, their mother wasn't pleased, 'they were there first'.

People may be anxious and a bit less goood humoured, but no excuses for rudeness. Should be more seating, waiting times are ridiculous.

I'm old enough to recall 'visiting hours', usually an hour in the evening for hospital patients, and heaven help anyone who sat on the bed, the word sister would be down like a ton of bricks. When Mum was in hospital many years ago Dad would come home from work and change into clean clothes to visit her, my brother fell over as we walked up to the hospital and he was taken away to wash his hands thoroughly. When she was in hospital in her later years I was appalled at the scruffy visitors who treated the place like a social club.
I'm sure that the constant visiting must be exhausting for the patient, I'd hate it.

When I've been on crutches with my MS people have generally been really good st offering me a seat.

I simply ask people to move - either for myself if I am the patient or if it’s a different situation and I see somebody disabled or elderly who needs a seat I will quite happily ask children or able bodied people to give up their seat.

We see this dreadful entitled behaviour going on yet we continue to facilitate it by tutting, sighing, complaining afterwards but not calling the guilty people out at the time! We need to stand up for ourselves more!
Re the OPs tale - I would have told the selfish son to move himself immediately as I gave my seat up for his mother not him. Why didn’t you tell him? You would have been well within your rights.

We need to stand up for ourselves - not just threaten to ‘give them a piece of our mind’ after the event has been and gone!

YANBU it gives me the rage. I do seem to see the worst behaviour in hospital waiting rooms.

I don't see why people would offer seats to ladies though? (unless the lady in question was infirm). I teach DC to offer seats to anyone less able to stand than them. It would be stupid for a 5 year old to stand up for an able bodied 30 year old who ls less likely to fall over (although I'd always put a small child on my lap to free another seat).

I am annoyed with myself for not saying anything to that bloody son, trust me!

I think I was gobsmacked at him doing it that you inadvertently miss your moment - I was anxious about my own health at the time and as time ticked on I stood there thinking ‘what do I say?’ It wasn’t just him, there were multiple men hogging seats. I will say something in future though - venting has helped me to see I should do this

My DD stood up for an elderly lady on the bus going to a friend's house after school. She was basically jeered by all the other kids on the bus and her friend said she'd embarrassed her, it wasn't the done thing apparently.

I don't think DD was particularly bothered though; said she had a nice chat with the lady and the other kids were all losers.

I'm disabled though, so my kids are more aware than most of this type of thing.

I think a lot of it is down to parents not teaching their children to stand up for elderly, infirm and pregnant people or even middle aged women with bags of shopping.

This was drummed into us as kids, and it really annoys me when I see young people hogging seats while elderly people stand.

It’s my biggest bugbear about antenatal appointments.

Fair enough, there’s plenty of women who need someone else there- high risk pregnancies, 12 or 20 week anomaly scans, health anxiety or there’s a language barrier etc. Totally understand.

But when I go to the low-risk clinic at my MLU, I’m very much in the minority being on my own- the place is full of men spreading themselves over the waiting room seats with no shame when a heavily pregnant lady has to stand.

Why so many men are keen to sit in a stuffy waiting room to wait for someone else’s routine urine tests and blood pressure checks is beyond me.