Does being in a hospital exempt you from having manners?

[PookieDo]

I spent the AM in a hospital department (by myself, no friend or partner to accompany me). Last week I was there for 6 hours and it was also very busy but today I was really fucked off by the behaviour of the people in the waiting area. Firstly I completely appreciate people can suffer from hidden disabilities but bearing in mind the majority of people arrived in 2’s or 3’s, not all of the people in attendance were the patients waiting for treatment.

I arrived early and it was fairly quiet at that point so took a seat. Over the next 2 hours it got very very busy where there was no seating at all.

An elderly couple came to check in at the desk so I indicated to the lady that she could sit in my seat and I would stand. At this point a man I presume to be her son came out from behind her (in his 50’s) and dived into my seat with the reflexes of a cat. As he was now sitting down before his mother, another patient had to get up to make room for the elderly mother next to him. Annoying Son then proceeded to very obviously leer and peer at all the patients being treated in the main clinic room including someone being wheeled out on a trolley, and discuss them all with his mother. The elderly father stood in the corridor for over 1.5 hours.

I then watched even more elderly or visibly ill (on oxygen!) patients have to stand whilst everyone else completely ignored them. This got to the point where the receptionist stood up to demand in a stern voice that only patients should be sitting and visitors should stand. At which point only 2 people begrudgingly stood up!

Are people not embarrassed of themselves?? I think there was something similar about this on here last week - well this behaviour is alive and kicking i can reassure you!

I was there one day with my mum in A&E (she being the patient), and a girl was sick into a bowl. So I had a packet of tissues in my bag, so I took a few out and handed them to mum, for the girl to wipe her mouth. Mum said thank you, took them off me, and blew her nose in them!

I feel that as mothers the future is to some extent in our hands - do you ensure that you teach your children to stand in these circumstances? I certainly do and am 99% confident that DD would stand.
Nope. I feel that parents should teach this to their children. Fathers are just as capable and responsible.

I saw this at the GTT clinic while I was pregnant. I was the only woman there who hadn’t taken a partner.

There were 40 odd seats in that room and the staff had to ask that the men give up their seats to the pregnant women as they were supposed to sit and relax after having the drink.

I’m still not sure why you would torture your partner with a 2 hour wait to be honest.

DH attended every scan with me but always stood if there wasn’t enough seats.

I remember being hugely pregnant and got on a busy bus at hospital.(it had come from the uni and was full of students)I had a seat, then a young woman got on with her partner and carrying a tiny baby. Not one person moved. I got up and loudly said, "please sit down here as everyone else seems to be ignoring you." Cheeky twat of a partner nipped in and didn't even offer to take the baby. She looked close to tears. I leant over and said quietly " I didn't mean you, you lazy arsed git. The man sat next to him smirked and I said "you could move too mate" he called me a fat lazy cow, I reported him to the driver, driver kicked him off and had a right go at all the passengers.

I can confirm that some patients/relatives are rude. I used to be a nurse. I no longer work with the public!

People have got more entitled.

When travelling on the tube/bus/train in London with a crutch recovering from a fracture, other passengers were nice most of the time. A few times they just stared at me or ignored. Same when I had an elbow fracture in a sling.

People eh? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't agree that the seats should be restricted to patients. Just because you are not a patient of that clinic at that particular time, it doesn't mean you are totally healthy and able bodied. I was in the hospital with DD a couple of weeks ago and while she was the patient and I was accompanying her, I can't stand for hours either!

Jesus what is wrong with people?! Reminds me of a time on a train where I was sitting with 2 family members and some strangers on one of those long seats that are a bit like seats on the tube. There wasn't really enough room for another person but a little girl got on and wanted to sit. So I budged up. She then decided she wanted to stand next to her mum. So called her dad over to sit where she was. He plonked himself down practically on my fucking knee. When I got up he looked a bit put out like I was implying he was rude(he was). Obvs this wasn't as serious as when people are ill. My point is people are selfish...

Have a look at the comments seemingly normal people leave on refugee charities on facebook. This is the way people are all going.

Patients can also be extremely self-centred, especially those who have been in a lot and think they own the place. Trust me. It happens!

I can confirm that some patients/relatives are rude.

Hmm, people also legitimately feel seriously disrespected by the healthcare system and therefore are less likely to feel any mutuality of obligation in that respect.

Case in point, massively overbooked appointment slots; being kept waiting for hours in waiting rooms that don't even have enough chairs (how fucking basic is that); people ill and vulnerable on overheated, noisy wards with staff who can't be bothered to advocate for their patients and ensure it is quiet for them or that they're not overheating...

You really think people feel respected in that context?

The only thing that's surprising is that more people don't overtly express their frustration at being treated as less than human by our hospitals.

I honestly don’t know where the chairs are supposed to go though in many of these places they are just too small for the volume. I was in an assessment unit where there were no time slots it was on an order of arrival basis. You can’t change every system

The fact is most people can stand for a period of time unless they are frail, injured, ill or disabled. Standing up for a while during your day is often seen as the focus of how awful things are - especially in the NHS. “I was treated for my urgent medical problem all in the same day and home again but my husband had to STAND UP! Disgusting. State of England nowadays”

Also to you other points

1. An unbelievable amount of appointments are not attended. Over booking is dealing with the demand and also factoring in DNA. Unless you are able to run a 24 hour fully functional radiology unit (for outpatients) then it is inevitable there will be a lot of squeeze if people do turn up
2. Usually if you are kept waiting this is because the gov have cut the budgets and there is no staff, people should know by now there is no nursing burdary and training as a doctor is one of the hardest and most difficult jobs known to man. or there has been some kind of emergency which has been deemed more important than your care at that moment
3. Chairs. There is only a finite amount of space for chairs, no one is not buying chairs and leaving huge areas unfilled. The other areas are filled with beds, equipment, consultation rooms etc
4. What is actually wrong with people having to stand for a while? What will happen to a relatively normal person (unpregnant, not elderly, not on crutches and not acutely unwell) if they stand up. Sore feet? I have a bad back - ruptured L4/5, standing isn’t fantastic but someone 40 years older than me may take a lot longer to recover from their aches and pains

I hate to say it but from this thread did confirm a lot of posters. It’s usually men who do this isn’t it? In my own experience it’s far more likely to be a man who won’t sfand for a woman. Fucking depressing

anoukspirit I agree that hospitals are underfunded and staff are overworked but that doesn't give anyone the right to be rude or inconsiderate to other people who are also sick and struggling (or to overworked hospital staff).

That's v odd @TinklyLittleLaugh! When I was at school (I finished y11 in 2011) it was the done thing to stand, even the hardest of lads was known to stand for old ladies. It was a point of pride for them, they were men, why would they want to be seen as less able than an octogenarian?

I think lots of people struggle to stand for a long time though. DH used to work in a lab and could stand for hours. Then he had ten years in a desk job. Now even though he is super fit and does triathlons he struggles to stand for a couple oh hours. Basically he can run for longer than he can stand.

This thread has reignited my rage about bringing the whole family along to antenatal appointments. I went to all but my scans on my own, god forbid I even went by myself when I had reduced movements (not the wisest move as I was kept in so my car was in the car park, but that’s fine). I remember the guys in our Nct group essentially shaming DH that he hadn’t been to all of the appointments, as he pointed out he is a teacher and exams are just around the corner, watching me have my blood pressure taken and have my pee tested wasn’t as important as the 30 kids gcse grades, if I needed him then he would come (as he did on the 3 occasions they threatened to evict DD between 28-32 weeks)

Tinkly Lab work is standing up in one spot for many hours. Standing up in a waiting room can involve a bit of walking around, leaning against the wall, etc. I do think most adults can manage that for a few hours.

July 2018 at a London antenatal clinic:

Middle of summer, tiny stuffy waiting room, men spreading out over the chairs next to the windows, enjoying the cool breeze and drinking the bottled water clearly labelled ‘for patient use only.’

Heavily pregnant women sitting on the floor fanning themselves, sweating like mad and and two of them fainting. Midwife appears and shouts at the men sitting down to move.

Not one fucker did. How could you feel anything but utter shame at being accompanied by one of these selfish cretins? I’d have been mortified if my DH behaved that way!

I often have to take my frail, blind father to appointments. He has dementia and i have to sit beside him or he will be terrified.

MrsAriadne, that is actually shocking!

@thighofrelief101

If anyone should be sitting in a seat beside someone, it’s you

Thanks Ariadne what a lovely thing to say

@PennyMordauntsLadyBrain

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Men lined up alongside the windows feeling refreshed, pregnant women slumped against the wall opposite.

But those men in chairs were accompanying women they left to sit on the floor! How people can be so selfish and unkind I’ll never understand.

I was tapped gently on the arm by a delightful young schoolboy while on the metro in Barcelona last year.
He had been using his phone screen with his pals, doing whatever young folk do with their phones, then looked up and saw me standing so leapt out of his seat to give it to me.
I was both touched and mortified at the same time.
I'm clearly older than I think.
What a lovely young man.

@abacucat

At least you are not married to the awful men who sit while pregnant partner stands

But unless you know them very well you do not know if they may or might not have a reason.

When I was pregnant and went places with BIL we had several people comment about him sitting while I stood. People did not see that BIL does have a disability and walking and standing is painful for him while I do not mind standing in the middle stages of pregnancy, in fact I hate sitting on anything but my sitting ball in the middle stages of pregnancy. I do not know why.

You do not always see if a person is disabled. Not when he is sitting. BIL is young and looks sporty.