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Original poster

WWYD? I can't prove anything

51 replies

Ameliel · 07/01/2019 10:58

I have had a lady cleaning my house every week since about September. I found her on Facebook and she seemed good so I went with it. I work from home and been so busy last few months that I needed the help. So I have pretty much given her free range, I'm not watching over her when she cleans.

Anyway, I recently lost my much loved gold bracelet. I hadn't seen it for few days but didn't really worry, as I thought it was somewhere in the house. When I had more time over Christmas, I turned the place upside down looking for it, and realised it has really disappeared. I brushed it off with being careless and having dropped it on a night out or something. But then I realised my necklace had also disappeared. This was a fairly pricey piece given by my husband, big tanzanite on it. I wore it only rarely as it's not really my style, so that one should have definitely been in my jewellery box.

Now I've just been looking through everything to try to find it, and doing so realised that another necklace has disappeared too. This one was 100% certainly in the jewellery box, I always keep it there as it's delicate. This pendant was a vintage piece, not huge value financially but sentimentally very valuable to me. I'm devastated.

it's impossible that I would have misplaced all these items myself, I'm a bit ocd with my stuff and haven't lost anything for many years. They have been taken from my jewellery box.

The only person who has been in our house apart from family and friends, is the cleaner lady.... I haven't got a shred of evidence, so cannot confront her. But there simply isn't another explanation, it must have been her.

I've not noticed anything else missing.. she's due to come again this week, but I've totally lost trust with her now. I don't want her back in the house. I'm gutted as I feel like I've been robbed and taken for a ride! I have always been quite generous with her, with Christmas presents etc so this feels so low...

I know it's only stuff, I'll need to let it go but I was quite attached to the bracelet and the second necklace , and was hoping to pass them to my daughter one day... what would you do in my position? I think the police would laugh me out so guess there's nothing I can do apart from learning from it! Does anyone has any advice? Thanks for bearing with the long post!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 07/01/2019 11:01

Oh that's horrible. I've never had a cleaner and don't know how you'd find someone to be in your home alone who you could absolutely trust, unless you knew them beforehand. From what you say it sounds likely she's taken your jewellery. I've no idea how you'd get them back, but would have a look on eBay and contact local jewellery shops to see whether they've been sold to them.

Hoppinggreen · 07/01/2019 11:03

Maybe she took it and maybe she didn’t
Unfortunately you can’t prove anything and in any case the Trust has gone so you need to sack her. When I last had to sack a cleaner I wasn’t there when she arrived and asked her not to clean but paid her and asked for the key back. It’s possible she may have a copy though so consider changing the lock/alarm code

Yinv · 07/01/2019 11:04

I think you should say to her that you don’t need a cleaner anymore as you are less busy with work now. You’ll have to pay her a couple of weeks notice or whatever you think reasonable.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can do IMO. Like you say you don’t know whether it was her or not.

Some people are pure evil, you will have to chalk it up to experience imo.

BovrilOverkillOhMyInsides · 07/01/2019 11:06

I would consider putting a large obvious note in the top of the jewellery box which says "I know what you've taken, and if you replace the three items quickly, I won't go to the police".

Seeline · 07/01/2019 11:06

The only person who has been in our house apart from family and friends,

You've got no proof it wasn't one of these people either.
Have you definitely used all three pieces since September?

PleaseJustSayNo · 07/01/2019 11:08

I know it doesnt help with sentimentality but could you not claim on house insurance?

You could maybe set up a piece that looks expensive in your jewellery box and monitor each time your cleaner comes? If you really wanted proof she's taking things you could get a camera. It depends how far you want to go and how much effort you feel it's worth

lostinjapan · 07/01/2019 11:09

You can't prove anything yourself, but it's possible the police could prove it, if for instance there had been numerous reports from different people she'd cleaned for. She might be well known to the police already for all you know.

So I'd be tempted to report it, but only if I was absolutely certain that she was the culprit.

alansleftfoot · 07/01/2019 11:13

Hidden camera

Disfordarkchocolate · 07/01/2019 11:13

I'd go for some hidden CCTV looking at the jewellery case, however, don't be so sure it's not family and friends as that is also a possibility.

reallyanotherone · 07/01/2019 11:13

I’s ask her if she’s seen them/moved them while cleaning, because if not you’ve had a sneak in burglary or one of the tradespeople you have had in has stolen it.

If she hasn’t seen them you are going to need to make a police report for the insurance claim.

Maybe say you’ve got a couple more people to ask before you do so, or you’re going to give it a couple more weeks to look in the loft or hope they turn up in a pocket or something, but you’ve only got 21 days to report the theft, and could she keep an eye out while she’s cleaning the next few weeks. Give her chance to sneak them back in of found them and took them home by accident.

Check ebay/gumtree etc as well in case she’s sold or is selling them.

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 07/01/2019 11:14

I had friends round once and a bracelet went missing. Please don't assume the cleaner.

Original poster
Ameliel · 07/01/2019 11:17

Thanks for your replies. I will have a look in EBay and local jewellery shops.. the vintage locket has inside the little curls of my children's baby hair, so sentimentally it's invaluable. I know I've used the pieces since September as I used to wear the bracelet daily and the vintage necklace quite often too, but could not say exactly when last...
I'm sure it's her, as friends and family have not been to our bedroom, and they just would not take them.
Obviously I cannot say anything to her but I'll end the cleaning arrangement saying that I have no more work for her.

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 07/01/2019 11:22

Oh, that's devastating.

Maybe if you tell her you no longer require her she'll give something away (if it was her). Not sure she'd flat out admit to it but she might look guilty or get defensive or something.

Or you could ask 'innocently' if she's seen/moved them.

Jenny17 · 07/01/2019 11:22

I remember being accused of taking a £10 as a kid. It was really horrible being falsely accused. When the perpetrator owned up they admitted that because I was the only non family / long term friend I would be blamed.

You don't know for sure it's the cleaner or someone taking advantage of knowing the cleaner will be blamed. However time for a new cleaner and cctv for any high valuables.

Sicario · 07/01/2019 11:23

Can I suggest you do speak to her something along the lines of this:

"I'm not suggesting for a moment that it's anything to do with you, but some of my jewellery has gone missing and I have to list all the people who have been in the house for the police report and insurance claim so I'll have to give them your details. I don't suppose you've seen anything? I'm still hoping they will turn up somewhere."

I did this when a pair of earrings went missing. Miraculously they turned up a few days later.

FuckingYuleLog · 07/01/2019 11:24

I’d be tempted to set her up. Buy a costume ring and tell her your dh got you it for Christmas then leave it on the sink with a camera on it. Make sure she leaves the house with it before you confront her so she can’t say she was going to put it away or anything. When you’ve got your evidence you can tell her you want your missing items back or you’ll be going to the police.

SlothMama · 07/01/2019 11:25

If you want to catch her I'd hide a camera where the jewelry box is. When I lived at home my parents had a cleaner, and my Dad noticed food was going missing and the house didn't seem clean. He hid a camera in the kitchen and living room, he then watched the cleaner come in, clean for around 30 minutes, make herself a sandwich with our food and then she'd sit down watching TV and share the food with our dog. We couldn't believe her cheek!

Returning2thesceneofthecrime · 07/01/2019 11:29

Tell her that some jewellery has gone missing. Ask her to look for it and say that you if it hasn’t been found within say one week, you will have to file an insurance claim and get a police reference for that. If she ‘finds’ it, problem solved and no more cleaning. If she doesn’t, report the theft to the police and insurance company and, again, no more cleaning.

silvercuckoo · 07/01/2019 11:29

Don't discount a sneak in robbery as said above. I have nanny cams at home with a 3 months log, and when I noticed something missing (looking expensive /exotic, but really less than £50 in value), I checked them and to my horror saw someone coming in through the back garden door (opening the lock literally in 3 seconds), walking casually around and collecting stuff - they also took a mobile charger and a bottle of vintage port from the kitchen, which I even did not notice missing. Closed the door politely behind themselves when leaving. I had absolutely no idea someone's been in.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 07/01/2019 11:30

slothmama I bet your dog was gutted when she got found out!

ravenmum · 07/01/2019 11:31

Before she arrives, leave a piece of jewellery where she'll find it but it looks lost, e.g. under the bed. Check when she's gone, before anyone else could have found it. If she's honest she'll say she found it. If it vanishes you know she isn't honest.

Whocansay · 07/01/2019 11:31

I'd ask her directly if she's seen the jewellery. No need to confront. She may have tidied it away and you haven't found it. My cleaner has done this (not with jewellery mind you).

If she has pinched it, she may be guilted into 'finding' it when she cleans if she knows the sentimental value? It's worth a shot.

Be in when she cleans though.

trulybadlydeeply · 07/01/2019 11:31

I like Sicario's idea, and would keep her on just to give her the opportunity to return things. I would also set up CCTV in the room where your jewellery box is, and if you can then get evidence of her stealing something you can go to the police. Whilst I'm sure you don't want her anywhere near your home again, this may at least give you a chance of getting your things back, if she hasn't sold them. This may also stop her doing it to others, as it's pretty much guaranteed that you're not the only one she's done it to.

Magenta46 · 07/01/2019 11:31

I would keep an open mind about this but still report the theft/disappearance and get a crime number for insurance purposes.
It may or may not have been the cleaner; it might be have a child whos curiosity got the better of them. ( know from experience)

Birdsgottafly · 07/01/2019 11:32

Set her up?

Don't overdo it but leave a bit of jewellery or a 'dropped' £5 and see what happens.

Think really carefully if any of your Family or Friends have had access.

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