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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WWYD? I can't prove anything

51 replies

Ameliel · 07/01/2019 10:58

I have had a lady cleaning my house every week since about September. I found her on Facebook and she seemed good so I went with it. I work from home and been so busy last few months that I needed the help. So I have pretty much given her free range, I'm not watching over her when she cleans.

Anyway, I recently lost my much loved gold bracelet. I hadn't seen it for few days but didn't really worry, as I thought it was somewhere in the house. When I had more time over Christmas, I turned the place upside down looking for it, and realised it has really disappeared. I brushed it off with being careless and having dropped it on a night out or something. But then I realised my necklace had also disappeared. This was a fairly pricey piece given by my husband, big tanzanite on it. I wore it only rarely as it's not really my style, so that one should have definitely been in my jewellery box.

Now I've just been looking through everything to try to find it, and doing so realised that another necklace has disappeared too. This one was 100% certainly in the jewellery box, I always keep it there as it's delicate. This pendant was a vintage piece, not huge value financially but sentimentally very valuable to me. I'm devastated.

it's impossible that I would have misplaced all these items myself, I'm a bit ocd with my stuff and haven't lost anything for many years. They have been taken from my jewellery box.

The only person who has been in our house apart from family and friends, is the cleaner lady.... I haven't got a shred of evidence, so cannot confront her. But there simply isn't another explanation, it must have been her.

I've not noticed anything else missing.. she's due to come again this week, but I've totally lost trust with her now. I don't want her back in the house. I'm gutted as I feel like I've been robbed and taken for a ride! I have always been quite generous with her, with Christmas presents etc so this feels so low...

I know it's only stuff, I'll need to let it go but I was quite attached to the bracelet and the second necklace , and was hoping to pass them to my daughter one day... what would you do in my position? I think the police would laugh me out so guess there's nothing I can do apart from learning from it! Does anyone has any advice? Thanks for bearing with the long post!

OP posts:

wednesday32 · 07/01/2019 11:36

I have had cleaners on and off my whole life and have never come across this scenario, so this must be devastating for you. I personally would mention on her next visit what her process is cleaning in that particular room and explain that you have mislaid two items of jewellery and has she seen them or moved them to a safe place. She will say no either way wont she? So then say going forward you will be changing the locks on the doors and as you work from home you will let her in and out. Go with your gut instinct though, if you really think she has taken them then giver her four weeks notice and say your circumstances have changed and you no longer require her services.

imamum21 · 07/01/2019 11:38

i would set her up also, i would mention one piece of jewellery saying it was made specially as it contains someones ashes or something along those lines, a small white lie but i would do it face to face and see what her reaction is, but dont make it look like you know its missing.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 07/01/2019 11:39

@Sicario is right, do this OP.
This happened o my elderly mother, like you, I knew it was the home help.
I was there for her next visit, welcomed her warmly, took her on one side, held her hand as I looked her in the eye, more or less said the above, and how distressed my mum was. I told her that I'd wouldn't be letting it drop, and hoped she might come across the rings, and left her to it.
The were returned, she found them, must have nipped home when she went for the shopping.
I really hope you get your jewellery back.

CoperCabana · 07/01/2019 11:42

Definitely what @sicario said. This is genius.

abacucat · 07/01/2019 11:45

To those talking about an insurance claim - insurance are unlikely to pay out in these circumstances.

MumW · 07/01/2019 11:45

Think I've been reading too many detective novels over Xmas as my first thought was to get a tempting piece with a gps tracker installed.

BeanTownNancy · 07/01/2019 11:47

In all honesty I would just ask her if she has seen the pieces while she has been cleaning because you can't find them. There's still a tiny chance that you just misplaced them, in which case your cleaner might have seen them - alternately, if you make it obvious you know they are missing and she did take them, she might return them because she knows there's a chance you might report them stolen and she will get caught up in it. So you might get them back that way.

Birdsgottafly · 07/01/2019 11:48

If it does show to be her, involve the Police.

If the vintage necklace shows up anywhere they will track who sold it.

Check local places like cash converters. All their stock is online. Also, pawn brokers.

Marmitelover24 · 07/01/2019 11:52

I once lost an ornament I very much valued and I asked my cleaner if she had seen it. She promptly told me exactly where it was (down the back of the cupboard). I am afraid I suspected that she has hidden it to see whether I would notice, and if I hadn’t she would have taken it a week or so later. Obviously this might not be your case but I do think you should try asking her, along the lines of “I have lost xxxx have you seen it”

DubBeGoodToMe · 07/01/2019 11:55

yy to what Sicario said.

It sounds like your cleaner (if it's her who's thieving) is getting bolder and taking more pieces because she got away with the first theft as you never mentioned it. Your only hope of getting them back from her (if it's her etc) is to do this, and to ask for her full name and home address if you don't have them as you have to give these details to the police.

Doggydoggydoggy · 07/01/2019 11:57

How upsetting.
It certainly sounds like she has stolen them.

It’s no good now of course, but we have cctv through the whole property, inside and out.
I wouldn’t hire a cleaner, dog walker, anyone who don’t intimately know without it tbh as unfortunately there are so many awful, deceitful people out there and without outright proof they can carry on with no repercussions.

snowie01 · 07/01/2019 12:02

www.networx.com/article/suspect-cleaner-is-stealing

advises you what you should or shouldn't do

purpleelk · 07/01/2019 12:12

I’d be texting her that you’ve had 3 necklaces gone missing and on her next visit, instead of cleaning you’re going to need her help turning the place upside down to look for it, just to make sure it didn’t fall down behind a dresser/into drawer and any weird non-obvious places before you file a police report with photos of the missing pieces.

If she took them, she may bring them back and “find them” falled behind furniture. She may not have actually taken them out of your house yet,just hid them behind a piece of furniture and was waiting to see if you missed them and asked about them.

wHatTheH · 07/01/2019 12:15

Honestly set up a hidden camera and buy a necklace that looks expensive and see what happens from there

daisybank2 · 07/01/2019 12:16

Similar happened to my mum. She noticed money was going missing from her purse and also weirdly noticed that chicken was going missing from her freezer!
She left a £10 note as a bait in a drawer just before cleaner arrived and it was gone just after she left. Next time the cleaner arrived my mum was there to meet her at the gate and demanded her keys and told her what she thought of her (my mum is 80 by the way and is not to be messed with!) Cleaner denied it but ran off. Didn't involve police as there was no proof as such. But with jewellery I would report as there could be others she's doing it too, and if they report it then a case surely starts to be built.

LilQueenie · 07/01/2019 12:17

set up a mini camera inside the box.

LMDC · 07/01/2019 12:19

Tell her that some jewellery has gone missing. Ask her to look for it and say that you if it hasn’t been found within say one week, you will have to file an insurance claim and get a police reference for that. If she ‘finds’ it, problem solved and no more cleaning. If she doesn’t, report the theft to the police and insurance company and, again, no more cleaning.

This^

MatildaTheCat · 07/01/2019 12:22

I would tell her you have lost some very valuable jewellery and ask her if she has any idea at all where it might have been put. Mention that you are going to involve the police who will need to fingerprint her to ‘rule out ‘Any involvement. This could be by text.

Hopefully the jewellery will reappear. It worked for a friend of mine. Her dh made the call and phrased it in terms of concern.

Then sack her obviously.

( MIL had all her jewellery stolen from her in her nursing home one Christmas which really proves you can trust nobody and the odd person has no moral compass).

VivaDixie · 07/01/2019 12:28

I like either @purpleelk or @sicario idea. Make the point about the sentimental value over any financial value and hopefully if it is her then she will be shamed into returning them

Good luck

Aridane · 07/01/2019 12:30

What would the purpose be f the pie fingerprinting sher in is (fictional) scenario? Cleanser 's finger prints will e everywhere!

Finger prints only relevant only if missing jewellery is found

m00rfarm · 07/01/2019 12:31

Put a message in the jewellery box saying "hello insert name - can you please put back everything you have stolen"

Oysterbabe · 07/01/2019 12:40

Just get rid of her, you've decided it's her and won't feel easy about her being in your home.

Personally I wouldn't be so sure. She'd know she'd be number 1 suspect if things went missing so it would take some balls. It could be a friend or family member. I went to a wedding last year and the father of the bride had a very expensive camera taken from his table. The reception was in a village hall they'd hired, no bar staff or anything only friends and family there. One of them took it, there's no other explanation.

EverlyNow · 07/01/2019 12:48

Ask if she’s seen them and if she can have a good look about. I had a similar situation with a pair of earrings I’d left in my baby’s room when he was a few days old. I asked the nanny to help me find them...turns out she had “thought” they were hers and had taken them home!!! She brought them back the next day. Then I told her we didn’t need her help the following week.

Your cleaner may “find” (return) the items if she thinks she’s been rumbled.

Sunkissedbeachdream · 07/01/2019 13:13

I wouldn't mention anything at all to the cleaner about how things have gone missing, as if you do she'll assume you're 'on to' her and could be setting her up to be caught in future.
I would say nothing, act my normal self, but leave out other items (as well as jewellery) such as money, or expensive perfumes, and bide my time. I would have hidden cameras around also.

If she's a thief she'll soon be helping herself to other items and you'll likely catch her with your CCTV evidence.
I also suggest you don't mention anything about things going missing to your friends either, it could also be one of them stealing from you, when they nip to the loo etc.

Just keep your eye on everyone really untill you get to the bottom of this.

diddl · 07/01/2019 14:15

That would be very bold of her to be taking stuff from in a jewellery box whilst you're in the house!

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