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AIBU to feel insulted for having to pay for Christmas dinner at my SIL?

360 replies

Headwir3 · 06/01/2019 21:05

My SIL said she would host Christmas this year as she has a big new house and plenty of room for us all. I asked if I should bring something and she said she would just do a shop and split the cost. She did suggest we bring our own alcohol. I thought it was a little odd, as did my hubby but he reminded me that she was cheap and the food wouldn’t cost that much anyway! Best to just agree with it instead of making a fuss.

Anyway we had Christmas, I took up 5 bottles of wine (only drank one and my hubby didn’t drink any). Left them there when we left. We were given cereal for breakfast and tinned soup for lunch and a basic Christmas dinner. No puddings and just a little cheese for desert.

We just got the bill... it came to £40 each! AIBU to feel angry and insulted by this all? It doesn’t seem right to hand over money. Especially to family. Also I feel really ripped off! I don’t want to upset my husband, but his family are a new level of cheap. If I did that to my brother, he probably wouldn’t speak to me again!

OP posts:
dippydeedoo · 08/01/2019 18:38

Just pay it - host Christmas at your house next year and charge her a massive amount then tell her it will pay the deposit on your holiday!!
Or offer her £10 a month until November !!

Rachand23 · 08/01/2019 18:45

Pay up and NEVER EVER go again to theirs for a meal.

OutPinked · 08/01/2019 18:46

Honestly I don’t think you should offer to host if you can’t afford the food. Fair enough asking people to bring alcohol but if you’re hosting a dinner party, the food should be on you.

She has probably spent closer to £15 pp judging by what you have said, that’s including the soup and cereal as well. She’s a CF of the highest order, I wouldn’t pay it and wouldn’t go there again.

woodhill · 08/01/2019 18:48

Don't pay, just stingy and cfs.

Sounds horrible if there was no deserts or nibbles

Norfolkenchancemate · 08/01/2019 18:58

We've hosted 20, for a week, including 5 of us, starting from complete scratch, as in buying everything down to the butter and milk, as it was in our holiday home, and it's cost £95 per head, FOR A WEEKS WORTH OF FOOD AND BOOZE!!!!
@Headwir3 you're getting shafted, she's having your pants down, mugging you off, having you over a barrel... etc etc etc.

You're invited to spend Christmas with us this year.

eurochick · 08/01/2019 19:09

We probably spent around 500 quid, although that includes booze. We had turkey ham, bacon and pigs in blankets from the farm shop, homemade cranberry sauce, sprouts with bacon and chestnuts and all the other usual accompaniments.

We had 6 on Xmas day (was supposed to be 9 so admittedly we were a bit over catered) and 7 on Boxing Day.

Our shopping didn't include desserts as the grandparents always want to bring something as we host every year rather than alternating so one made a Christmas cake and the others brought a Christmas pudding. It easily adds up even without dessert.

CoraPirbright · 08/01/2019 19:11

Pay up as agreed this year but NEVER go again. Plus next year, offer to host and when Tightarse says “how much should we pay?”, say “oh goodness I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone who I had offered to host to pay money!! That would be so crass and lacking in class!” You could employ the MN tinkly laugh if you like. Passive aggression at its best but I think this really stinks!!

Catsinthecupboard · 08/01/2019 19:18

My dh's family: 8-12 including dh, 2dc qnd myself. We pay. I cook everything from scratch and nobody cleans up except me. Someone may bring wine (one bottle, cheap stuff).

Dinner (many extras)

I would like flowers once....ok, everytime would be delightful. But. I don't even get a Christmas gift.

I hope that they move away. So does my family as they make work for us on what could be a relaxing day and seem to think i enjoy it. (Of course i smile, i'm .the hostess!)

Gresley · 08/01/2019 19:23

I wouldn't dream of asking a guest to pay for their meal, let alone a brother. My brother used to give me a tenner when he came for Christmas dinner, and I was more than happy with it, especially as I hadn't asked.

Unless you can get your husband to discuss this with his sister, I'm afraid you will have to pay up, or you will be labelled by her as the wicked witch of the west, especially if you put your oar in. Take it on the chin and don't accept their invitation next year. If you're feeling like revenge, ask them to yours next year and charge them £40 each - or £50 for inflation - either that, or shame her by showing her how Christmas should be done!

delboysskinandblister · 08/01/2019 19:23

Our turkey £56 and sausagement £3 from local butcher, Lidl parsnips 29p, sprouts £2 and £1 cranberry sauce, £1 chocolate balls for the table, Aldi stuffing 59p, £3 lots of table crackers, table £1 napkins, (but bought in Jan sales), Christmas fruit (3 x pomegranates, crate of satsumas, 3 tubs of grapes, pineapple), bar of chocolate between us, two types of icecream, tree chocolates. No booze.

I gave mum £25 cash but I also bought the Christmas pudding, more sausagement from butcher, Finest butter pastry, Lidl mincemeat, shop bought mince pies (some bought and some i made), 3 bottles of non-alcoholic drinks and some chocolate coins to add to the table decoration.

There were three of us. so in this instance it probably was £33 per person.

Depends how many people there were. If there were more than three adults then I think your SIL has just had the quarterly electricity bill for her new mahoosive house and divided it up between you all!

Ask for an itemised bill and how many this is between. Don't hand over any money until she does. Pay what is reasonable and don't go back or invite them to yours.

Betterthanbrave · 08/01/2019 19:26

Just ask for receipts. Then work out how much you actually owe.

SuziQ10 · 08/01/2019 19:34

Can't quite get my head around this.
If I am hosting Christmas I pay for the meal and every thing else anyone wants to eat / drink in my house.

People contribute wine, dessert, crackers maybe ... no money is divided / expected / required. Be sure to do your own thing next year ... I'd never go there for Xmas again.

Thebelleofstmarys · 08/01/2019 19:48

Hmmmm. Have been in this situation previously . Invited for long weekend , offered to help hostess shop - declined . Hostess appeared to have bought eleventy tons of booze for her and her other guests consumption and very little in the way of actual food yet have us a huge bill for "groceries" . Paid bill, noted "friend" was an alcoholic chancer and have had nothing to do with her since .
Don't need that sort of BS in my life and neither do you .
Simply do your own thing from now on .

Thebelleofstmarys · 08/01/2019 19:54

And suzyq10 has exactly the same attitude as us. We invite , we provide the bones of a lovely Christmas celebration to which family are invited to share, and we 're delighted to receive little luxuries and extras the invitees inevitably bring . After all - turkeys and puddings don't come in extra small so we're only providing extra veg and trimmings .

FloatingthroughSpace · 08/01/2019 20:01

Hmmm. I have a different perception here. As the owner of the largest house it invariably falls on us to host. This year we had 13 visitors staying for between 2 and 4 days each. Last time we paid for everything and it was well over 1000 for food, alcohol and accommodation. This year I did ask family to contribute, both in terms of sharing cooking and contributing to food. I think if the host regularly rotates that is different. But if the same family members are expected to stump up for everything every year that isn't fair either.

Teacher22 · 08/01/2019 20:06

To avoid trouble with the rest of the family who will take sides pay up this time, say nothing and never agree to anything of this nature again.

A lot of money per se but cheap as a lesson learned about human nature.

Passenger42 · 08/01/2019 20:10

I think what she has done is taken all her food shop receipts which include food, drinks, alcohol, condiments, crackers, buffet food, tin foil, bog roll, basically everything she had to buy to cover Xmas and spilt the bill 4 ways. My total costs where around £160 but covered everything including booze but I didn’t charge my family a penny. I think she has charged you for absolutely everything she bought regardless if you ate or drank it. Not nice thing to do if you contributed 5 bottles of wine. If she has charged you for everything point out to her she didn’t bag up your share of the whole food and drink to bring home!

delboysskinandblister · 08/01/2019 20:15

p.s My mum never asks for any contributions. The way I see it she is doing all the work and it's nice to pitch in especially as I took it for granted for years.

I wouldn't host and then bill people though. Either I would say I am hosting you are all invited (I pay) or I am hosting and can we all contribute a dish or booze or something. Or bring me something nice that inconveniences you too Grin

Willbeatjanuaryblues · 08/01/2019 20:15

The other side to this is being invited to Xmas in person or couples home whereas you know cash is in short supply. In the that instance I actually brought all the Xmas shopping myself, including booze and lots of presents for the host.

They put us up (family of four).
We throughly cleaned up after our selves and took sheets off ect.

However the host didn't ask for this.... She also provided some bits... She was very grateful for our offer... And our contribution but she never asked.

Isn't this what's supposed to happen?

Willbeatjanuaryblues · 08/01/2019 20:17

(we didn't thrust it on them by the way just said we know your a little short, we're very grateful to be able to stay with you in a lovely part of the country, can we buy the Xmas meal etc)

Cauliflowersqueeze · 08/01/2019 20:24

Either she invites people and pays or she doesn’t invite anyone. Pathetic to charge family for a meal.

I’d pay it and not go again.

delboysskinandblister · 08/01/2019 20:33

i forgot peeled chestnuts £2 roast potatoes £2 frozen Aldi duck fat they were medicinal


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Headwir3 · 08/01/2019 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ineedtostopbeingsolazy · 08/01/2019 20:47

She wants £80 from you and your dh? There were others too is she charging them £40 each too because the whole Xmas dinner wouldn't come to that amount!
If she's going to present you with a bill you should ask what it includes

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 08/01/2019 20:52

Do you have a plan for how you would like to do Christmas next year?

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