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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or was this really insensitive?!

58 replies

mmmgoats · 06/01/2019 19:58

I genuinely don't know if I'm being a bit too quick to react here. For reference - I had to have a TFMR at 20 weeks last year due to a serious defect. It was a horrible time, all family members know about it and I still don't have any children despite being pregnant twice.

Out for a coffee with a family member and during chat I made a comment that I needed to finish taking the decorations down today as we've been ill in our house and were behind.
She was a bit shocked and said it was really bad luck to leave them up past the 5th and wasn't I worried about that sort of thing.

I was a bit surprised as I didn't realise she was superstitious so I made a joke about how we ended up leaving our [white] fairy lights up over the fireplace last year as they looked cosy, so we kept them up all year, and the sky didn't fall in.

She then said flippantly 'well you did have a that thing with the pregnancy - I would say that was bad luck, if it was me I wouldn't chance it!'

I don't know if I'm being oversensitive but it really seemed like she was saying I could have caused that 'bad luck' by leaving those lights up? Even though I know that's insane and would have had NO impact at all, the more I mull it over, the more I think it was a really horrible thing to say.

OP posts:
Strongmummy · 06/01/2019 20:00

It was a really fucking stupid and insensitive thing for her to say. I’m so sorry for your loss

Urbanbeetler · 06/01/2019 20:01

She’s a twat. Sorry you have had such a hard time recently.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 06/01/2019 20:01

Jesus christ what an utterly crass thing to say. YANBU, I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

BeatNickBeamer · 06/01/2019 20:01

YANBU that's incredibly insensitive.

SneakyGremlins · 06/01/2019 20:03

How vile of her.

Celebelly · 06/01/2019 20:03

What a tosser.

angelopal · 06/01/2019 20:03

Not sure I could get past someone saying that. I lost a baby neonatally so have experience with loss. Sorry for your lost.

Jimpix · 06/01/2019 20:04

So sorry for your losses 💐.

It was an incredibly insensitive and twattish thing to say. Unbelievable 😡.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 06/01/2019 20:04

She is stupid and very cruel to say that to you. Of course leaving the lights up had nothing to do with baby's defect. I'm so sorry OP for what you've been through.

SpotlessMind · 06/01/2019 20:09

It’s massively insensitive on every level - describing such a difficult situation as flippantly as ‘that thing with the pregnancy’ is as bad as the implication that you could have done anything to prevent it. I’m so sorry for your loss

Subtlecheese · 06/01/2019 20:12

That was a dickish thing to say. Sorry for your losses, and that you have such a person to deal with right now.
I am sure you know no amount of salt thrown over shoulders or baby related twaddle will change the past or effect the outcome of a pregnancy.
I hope 2019 brings you some peace joy and maybe a year of silence from that relative. (Maybe you'very realised it is bad luck to have coffee with aunts/ cousins/ sisters/ mothers without a close sciency friend who will scoff audibly at their idiocy and criticise their social skills).

dontneedthedrama · 06/01/2019 20:16

What sort of idiot believes in superstitions like that , even if you did to say something like that to you is just cruel.

mmmgoats · 06/01/2019 20:17

Thank you, it probably seems stupid to come and post on a forum about it but I didn't want to tell DH because I didn't want him to get upset or outraged on my behalf and have it turned into a huge family drama as I think he would feel he had to say something. But the more I thought about it, the more I was getting a bit upset and stewing on it.

I know that the lights wouldn't have had any affect at all, I just can't believe she would think to make the connection and actually voice it as though it was reasonable? It was said so flippantly it had me thinking maybe it wasn't a big deal [I know sometimes I do get a bit oversensitive]. I really wish I'd said something now.

I'm so sorry @angelopal x

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 06/01/2019 20:19

Bloody hell! What did you say to her? I would have gone fucking ballistic at her for that piece of rampant stupidity!

Springfresh · 06/01/2019 20:21

Has she got form for being a total bell end?

crackerbaron · 06/01/2019 20:23

That's not insensitive it's fucking ridiculous and cruel. I'd not be seeing that person ever again and I don't think that's an overreaction. Sorry to hear what you've been through Flowers

AppleKatie · 06/01/2019 20:23

😮that is an outrageous thing to say. I would tell your DH. She deserves to have him shout at her.

HouseOfGingerbread · 06/01/2019 20:28

Not only crass, but also inaccurate in her superstition; decorations are supposed to come down on Twelfth Night (the might the three wise men/kings arrived) which is today, 6 January.

HouseOfGingerbread · 06/01/2019 20:29

(Sorry, I know that's a bit irrelevant)

Pachyderm1 · 06/01/2019 20:30

YANBU, that was a really shitty comment

OKhitmewithit · 06/01/2019 20:30

People are fucking stupid. Flowers

Oomph · 06/01/2019 20:30

The woman denotes very low intelligence and zero sensitivity. I’m very sorry for your loss.

LadyBunker · 06/01/2019 20:31

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

MimiSunshine · 06/01/2019 20:31

Stupid, insensitive and just idiotic thing to believe and say.

But I know someone who genuinely believes it’s bad luck to take decs down on NYD or do any cleaning etc so no dishwasher or washing machine on.

She really believes it causes bad luck for year. Nutter

allupsidedown · 06/01/2019 20:31

Wow! That is horrendous. I am so sorry for your loss.

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