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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or was this really insensitive?!

58 replies

mmmgoats · 06/01/2019 19:58

I genuinely don't know if I'm being a bit too quick to react here. For reference - I had to have a TFMR at 20 weeks last year due to a serious defect. It was a horrible time, all family members know about it and I still don't have any children despite being pregnant twice.

Out for a coffee with a family member and during chat I made a comment that I needed to finish taking the decorations down today as we've been ill in our house and were behind.
She was a bit shocked and said it was really bad luck to leave them up past the 5th and wasn't I worried about that sort of thing.

I was a bit surprised as I didn't realise she was superstitious so I made a joke about how we ended up leaving our [white] fairy lights up over the fireplace last year as they looked cosy, so we kept them up all year, and the sky didn't fall in.

She then said flippantly 'well you did have a that thing with the pregnancy - I would say that was bad luck, if it was me I wouldn't chance it!'

I don't know if I'm being oversensitive but it really seemed like she was saying I could have caused that 'bad luck' by leaving those lights up? Even though I know that's insane and would have had NO impact at all, the more I mull it over, the more I think it was a really horrible thing to say.

OP posts:
carrotflinger · 06/01/2019 22:48

Maybe don't say anything this time but plan ahead what you would say if she says something again which she probably will.

JeNeBaguetteRien · 06/01/2019 22:58

Poor you OP having to hear such a ridiculous, crass, insensitive comment.
I'm so very sorry for your losses 💐

It's not in the same league but I wore pearl earrings when I got married and a relative said they were bad luck and so and so who wore pearls had a very unhappy marriage. ~nothing to do with the fact that her DH was a twunt~.
I'm glad you've told your DH and the two of you can think up something appropriate to say as I suspect carrotflinger is correct in thinking they may come out with further idiotic comments.

powershowerforanhour · 06/01/2019 23:07

I went for a 12 week scan a few weeks ago...that really long appointment where the midwife fills in all those boxes that they've informed you about current guidelines on vit D and folic acid, smoking, drinking, eating soft cheese or prawns or soft boiled eggs or shark meat, whooping cough and flu vaccines, testing for gestational diabetes, hypertension, anaemia, HIV, hepatitis etc etc.
They never mentioned the risks of leaving one's Christmas decorations up. I think the peer reviewed evidence is probably a bit thin.

Sorry for your loss OP, and sorry she was such a thoughtless arse about it, even if she is bats enough to believe it. If she is bats enough to believe it, I hope she drops a mirror and smashes it to bits.

DameSquashalot · 06/01/2019 23:13

💐 for you OP. So sorry for what you've been through.

YANBU.

Sproutsandall · 06/01/2019 23:53

Don’t be embarrassed, OP. You’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Your shit relative should be embarrassed at her own behavior.

Hugs to you. Flowers

sirmione16 · 07/01/2019 00:11

Chriiiiist I cringed just reading that response from her!!! YANBU that was way out of order. Hope she feels awkward for the rest of her life.

Marshmallow91 · 07/01/2019 00:15

What an absolute twat.

I'm so sorry for your loss, OP Flowers

Lisabel · 07/01/2019 00:18

Wow, how terrible! You are definitely not being unreasonable.

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