AIBU or was this really insensitive?!

[mmmgoats]

I genuinely don't know if I'm being a bit too quick to react here. For reference - I had to have a TFMR at 20 weeks last year due to a serious defect. It was a horrible time, all family members know about it and I still don't have any children despite being pregnant twice.

Out for a coffee with a family member and during chat I made a comment that I needed to finish taking the decorations down today as we've been ill in our house and were behind.
She was a bit shocked and said it was really bad luck to leave them up past the 5th and wasn't I worried about that sort of thing.

I was a bit surprised as I didn't realise she was superstitious so I made a joke about how we ended up leaving our [white] fairy lights up over the fireplace last year as they looked cosy, so we kept them up all year, and the sky didn't fall in.

She then said flippantly 'well you did have a that thing with the pregnancy - I would say that was bad luck, if it was me I wouldn't chance it!'

I don't know if I'm being oversensitive but it really seemed like she was saying I could have caused that 'bad luck' by leaving those lights up? Even though I know that's insane and would have had NO impact at all, the more I mull it over, the more I think it was a really horrible thing to say.

It was a completley cunty (not to mention pig ignorant) thing to say.

She’s an idiot with no malice. You just have to eye roll, try not to punch her in the tit, have a cry, and move on.

So sorry to hear you’ve had a really tough time though . Please can be such insensitive idiots

Insensitive and daft.

You missed a trick should of said "yes I have bad luck i have you as a relative".
It's difficult because if you dress it it causes a massive drama .Think i would let them know next time that the upset you as leave it at that .But Would never feel the same about them again .

What a complete and utter fucking bitch!

Wow.
When I was at school one of my friends had a disabled brother. My friends grandma told her it was because her mother (grandmas dil) was wearing an opal ring when she gave birth, which apparently means bad luck.

Massively stupid, cruel inaccurate idiotic what have you, thing to say. I've heard lots too, being in the same situation as you but nothing quite like that ever!

That's a nasty comment to make. Very callous. I wonder if she realised how cruel she sounded?

Anyway, lots of people have fairylights up all year round, draped around window sills and mantelpieces.

I'm sorry for your loss, OP.
I'm also sorry that you have someone so stupid in your family. It was a thoughtless and unkind thing for her to say.
I am very very unsuperstitious and my tree is still up and decorated - I'm not taking it down until I have time to pack everything away properly, which won't be until Weds at the earliest.

Weird! My whole Christmas thing is still up - it might come down tomorrow. It might not. We used to leave them up an extra week as children as it was my Mum's birthday! Every year!

PS Hope you're OK.xx

She’s a fuckwit.

Frankly, good for you for not succumbing to stupid and nonsensical superstitions. Although, if you wanted to, I wouldn’t blame you after having miscarriages and TFMR myself because I do understand the temptation to cling on to any slice of hope or irrational explanation.

Local superstition here would say that if you forget one of your decorations when taking them down, you must leave it up all year - so you did the right thing with your fairy lights, anyhow.

Wow she actually said that?
Awful. What a stupid woman.
I’d tell her how insensitive it was tbh. And elect not to spend much time with her from this point on

What an awful thing for her to say. Flippant and insensitive

That’s horrendous. Bloody hell, I can’t believe anyone is so thoughtless.

Dreadful thing to say. And wrong - decorations come down on 6th or left up all year, which you did with your lights.

Dreadful thing to say. It clearly didn't pass through her brain.

What an awful thing to say.
And the decorations are supposed to come down on the 6th, on the Epiphany not the 5th so she has no idea what she is talking about.
She sounds completely dense to be honest.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

She is a raging tit and she's wrong anyway. Jan 6th is fine if anyone subscribes to that sort of thing.

YADNBU.
Sorry OP, she is a twat.

What a complete bitch. I think you should have a massive go at her. Otherwise she'll probably think it's fine to say these sorts of things to you and others.

I am gobsmacked! What an awful, awful thing to say

Nasty comment and so flippant. Tell your dh, someone needs to tell the person that said it that they are a nasty piece.

Im so sorry for your loss

thanks so much for the lovely posts and for not making me feel like I’m overreacting. I’ve told DH but played down how upset I was about it and have said that if anyone speaks to her I will do it. but I’m not sure whether to just leave it now I feel like maybe the moment has passed.

some previous posters asked me what I said at the time - I’m
Embarrassed to say I said nothing I just sort of changed the subject because I was so taken aback.