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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want him to watch TV with me?

102 replies

SunLover53 · 06/01/2019 19:53

Been with husband 10 years, married 3, 5 year old son. He's always played video games since I met him (something I've never been interested in) but only when I wasn't around. We've been living together 7 years, and since we moved in together his video gaming has been a bone in contention between us. We've had another argument this evening over him playing video games every evening as soon as our son is in bed. He will play until around 1am every night. I'm sick and tired of spending every evening on my own and going to sleep on my own. His answer is he doesn't have any interest in watching tv/movies even though that's what we used to do with our evenings and gaming is his hobby and what he likes to do. I'm really frustrated and angry with him!!! AIBU to expect him to watch a movie or TV with me in the evenings like we used to?? I'm not saying all night every night, that's not what I expect, but surely he should want to spend some time with me??

OP posts:

masterandmargarita · 07/01/2019 11:18

On a side note, well jealous you earn a living working so few hours, that's the positive side of this story!

adaline · 07/01/2019 11:28

Time they grew up and did grown up hobbies.

Why? What's wrong with video games?

Is going out for nine hours to football games more acceptable? Or spending all day playing cricket? Why is it only video games that seem to attract such vitriol on here?

ALL hobbies are problematic when they start taking over family time and couple time - plenty of adults play video games in their free time and manage to spend time with their partners and children without a row ensuing!

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 12:02

Can't you find something else than watching tv? It really doesn't sound appealing at all I am afraid, your child is only 5 years old, you can't be a couple of pensioners yet.

Can't you have diner after putting your child to bed, so you can both sit down and have a chat then.

I don't call watching tv together "spending time together", so I would be concentrating on families activities early evening with your son or at the wekend. It also sound like you are bored because you are home all day. Doesn't your child go to nursery or preschool? They should start sleeping at that age, how can you be too tired to pop at the gym early evening for example? you could be home by 8:30-9pm.

MissionItsPossible · 07/01/2019 12:06

@Boswellox I was absolutely gutted that IMDb took down their message boards. Yes, there were problematic trolls on the boards of newly released blockbuster films but I loved visiting the boards of older movies or shows and chatting with like minded fans and finding out behind the scenes trivia and sharing theories etc. If that site goes under, I will not care (and secretly be pleased at their stupid decision to shut them down)

@ShortandSweet96 I thought that was a pic of your son! 😮

I like gaming too but couldn’t imagine spending every single night until 1am doing it. But equally, I don’t understand how people can binge watch TV shows. I can’t watch more than 3 episodes of something in a row before I start to get bored and want to do something. When people say they get through an entire season of a show in a weekend I’m like 😱

MoreCheeseDear · 07/01/2019 12:18

Is going out for nine hours to football games more acceptable? Or spending all day playing cricket?

Of course not. Equally unacceptable. But the thread is about video games.

sherrysfortea · 07/01/2019 12:21

Some of the replies on this thread are ridiculous. Liking video games doesn't automatically make you a hopeless manchild. watching tv isn't exactly the height of culture either

I think you're being a bit unfair. Is it preventing him going to work/ contributing to the house/ being a good father or is it just that you would rather do something together?

If it's the latter, you could join him by getting a multi player game, if you don't want to do that then that's fine but you should respect his wishes to not want to watch tv.

adaline · 07/01/2019 12:22

Of course not. Equally unacceptable. But the thread is about video games.

But your post referred to him getting a grown up hobby. What hobby would be more acceptable to you?

It's not the video games that are the problem. The fact that the DH is addicted to his hobby is the problem. And it would be the same problem if it was the gym, football, rugby, cricket or naked modelling!

So why the need to refer to video games as being childish?

MoreCheeseDear · 07/01/2019 12:39

So why the need to refer to video games as being childish?

Because they are. Real life sport is exercise and good for a person's health. Video games are just toys and grown ups need to limit the time they spend playing them.

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 12:41

and the time they spend wasting on forums like MN

Theunsungsong · 07/01/2019 12:46

@shortandsweet , I am loving your photos - they are making me laugh loads!

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2019 12:46

Because they are. Real life sport is exercise and good for a person's health. Video games are just toys and grown ups need to limit the time they spend playing them

Yeah, because slobbed watching the tv is so much better, arguably people need to limit the time they spend watching tv or playing games. But each to their own, you don't get to be so judgemental about how people spend their time. Especially not when a keen mumsnetter.

The issue isn't how the op or her husband spends their time, the issue is neither wishes to spend time doing what the other does. She doesn't want to game and he doesn't wish to watch tv.

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2019 12:48

Of course not. Equally unacceptable. But the thread is about video games

Arguably it's about the fact she wants him to watch tv with her and he doesn't wish to sit and watch tv.

adaline · 07/01/2019 12:54

Because they are. Real life sport is exercise and good for a person's health. Video games are just toys and grown ups need to limit the time they spend playing them

Why is watching TV any better than video games?

mrsm43s · 07/01/2019 13:08

I don't think watching TV is any more worthwhile than gaming. I'm not a gamer myself, but I'd be livid if my husband was trying to force me to sit and watch TV evening after evening, just because he wanted to. Very controlling behaviour, leave the poor man alone.

Nottsangel2015 · 07/01/2019 13:16

Gaming widow here too

My husband (34) plays probably 5 nights a week and we have 2 nights to watch tv together. He also watchers gamers playing games on YouTube!

He is great with our youngest and our oldest are into gaming too so he plays with them too sometimes.

I don't mind it as it gives me time to watch my trash tv and chill after work. He doesn't it drink or go out socially often. One of my friends her husband is at the pub every night after work - I couldn't be bothered with that.

He works part time and does the bulk of childcare and housework so is a fair trade for me to be honest.

He also has the gaming chair, headset and 2 screens a better set up than my home office for work lol

What does annoy me is the constant shouting when he's playing - I have to go watch tv in the bedroom or I can't bloody hear anything! Anyone else got a shouty one or is it just mine?

MoreCheeseDear · 07/01/2019 13:20

But each to their own, you don't get to be so judgemental about how people spend their time.

Yeh, I do get to be judgemental. I'm judgemental about a lot of things, it isn't always a bad thing to be judgemental.

I play video games, I mumsnet, I watch TV, my DH takes me to National Trust places and we go out for lunch and to see friends.We do a variety of things, not just sit playing with toys every evening.

I have health issues which limit what I can do now but if I was young and had my health I wouldn't be wasting time playing with toys every evening. And I do judge those who do to the neglect of their families.

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2019 13:21

Yeh, I do get to be judgemental. I'm judgemental about a lot of things, it isn't always a bad thing to be judgemental

Generally yeah it is.

NotACleverName · 07/01/2019 13:26

So many man children. Time they grew up and did grown up hobbies.

What exactly is a "grown up" hobby? Watching shite on television? Getting pissed on gin? Complaining on MN about others' hobbies that don't pass some kind of arbitrary adult test? Do tell.

IncomingCannonFire · 07/01/2019 13:30

Ah. Grown up hobbies like going to the pub instead. That's for over 18s only.
My dh goes through phases of gaming online with friends but he asks if I mind or would stop if I suggested something else.
I usually read a book or watch TV. We also both have lots of hobbies we enjoy but can't do together any more due to having young kids.
Watching TV isn't a group activity. It's sad you're dc is sat watching your dh game though.

MoreCheeseDear · 07/01/2019 13:37

So many defensive posters. Game players, I imagine.

Anything done to excess and to the detriment of family life is a bad thing. If adults can't control the time they devote to any hobby to the neglect of their family life then there is a problem.

PinkFizzz · 07/01/2019 13:57

I'm not a gamer, nor does it interest me in the slightest. DP used to play a game for 6, 7 hours a night with a headset on and it drove me up the wall. We had no time together, barely had sex, he ignored DS and I and we had limited use of the bloody living room because he was using it.

Life got infinitrly better when he went off the new version of the game. He now plays for a couple of hours at a time, and not every night. I actually welcome this time as I can read, piss about on mumsnet or study in peace and the rest of the time is spent talking, walking, playing a game together (board game or cards etc).

Id sit him down and say youre happy to do your own thing on X,Y, Z night but that you want some time with him too.

Stick to your guns and he'll soon find something else he wants you to do together, otherwise he'll be staring at the wall with fuck all.

adaline · 07/01/2019 14:00

Anything done to excess and to the detriment of family life is a bad thing. If adults can't control the time they devote to any hobby to the neglect of their family life then there is a problem.

Exactly. So it's not gaming that's the problem, is it?

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2019 14:01

I've never gamed in my life. It's not my scene. But i still know it's not acceptable to be so judgey about how others spend their time.

Quite frankly if it came to it, I'd chose to be a gamer before I chose to be judgey and negative about others. Because it's an inherently unpleasant character trait.

Hedgehoginthefog · 07/01/2019 14:06

If his gaming is leaving you feeling neglected then YANBU. Of course he should have time to spend on his hobby but you should also spend time together. My DP is a big gamer, but he always asks if I mind before he starts playing. I rarely say no, but I might say "I thought we might watch..." and we might compromise on him playing for an hour, and then watching. Are there any other hobbies you might enjoy together? Would you be interested in 2 player games? Board games? Doing crosswords?

I would suggest you have a talk focused on how to spend more time together (rather than on him spending less time gaming). Agree on a reasonable amount of couple time (two/three evenings a week?) and different things you can do (perhaps not always watching TV if that is not his thing) and go from there.

MoreCheeseDear · 07/01/2019 14:22

Exactly. So it's not gaming that's the problem, is it?

It is for this poster - remember?

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