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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want him to watch TV with me?

102 replies

SunLover53 · 06/01/2019 19:53

Been with husband 10 years, married 3, 5 year old son. He's always played video games since I met him (something I've never been interested in) but only when I wasn't around. We've been living together 7 years, and since we moved in together his video gaming has been a bone in contention between us. We've had another argument this evening over him playing video games every evening as soon as our son is in bed. He will play until around 1am every night. I'm sick and tired of spending every evening on my own and going to sleep on my own. His answer is he doesn't have any interest in watching tv/movies even though that's what we used to do with our evenings and gaming is his hobby and what he likes to do. I'm really frustrated and angry with him!!! AIBU to expect him to watch a movie or TV with me in the evenings like we used to?? I'm not saying all night every night, that's not what I expect, but surely he should want to spend some time with me??

OP posts:

Ragwort · 06/01/2019 21:13

But you’ve put up with this for seven years (& your DS is 5??). Did you honestly think he would change?

I agree it sounds horrendous but surely after the first few months you must have realised what he was like?

lovely36 · 06/01/2019 21:17

Wow I can completely relate except my DH plays all fucking night!!! He wakes up at about 3pm and stays up literally all night on fifa. It's absolutely ridiculous and it's an addiction!! that's all he talks about and when he plays during the day he lashes out on anyone around him if he's losing. Absolutely horrible.

lovely36 · 06/01/2019 21:19

@ShortandSweet96 that gaming chair!!! And headset. 😫 does every video game player have these?! My dh has the exact same thing and now is going on about getting a monitor to improve his scores. 😡

rackhampearl · 06/01/2019 21:19

I absolutely hate DHs gaming. I don't understand it ,
Can't get on board with it. Goes over my head when he talks about. But I have my vices too so like i say we have our arrangement in place for the 3 nights. If he tried sneaking in more nights or into the days I'd be gone. I agree with PP who said it's like teenage anti social behaviour. Totally bugs me but he's fab in every other way! Such is life. Playing every night though? Fuck that noise.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 06/01/2019 21:21

It must be like living with a teenage boy.
Not on at all. I can't believe im reading about grown women having to negotiate spending time with their adult partner.

I think it ultimatum time. Life is too short ... don't waste it playing second fiddle to a bloody game.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 06/01/2019 21:22

lovely when does he go to work?

ShortandSweet96 · 06/01/2019 21:24

@lovely36 don't get me started on the bleeding chair. Our living room isn't very big and this pile of ads crap has been either in the middle if the room or to the side again the wall for at least 6 months! He refuses to put it in the so are bedroom.becauee it's so bully and heavy to take up and down stairs! I keep knocking my leg into the sharp glass corner of the coffee table trying to squeeze by the pissing chair.

Would it be obvious if I accidentally light a match and set the damn thing alight?!

ShortandSweet96 · 06/01/2019 21:27

DP has gone for a toilet break, maybe I should make my move and press the off button!?

Also, take note if the massive f@#king remote control truck he won on my living room floor, muddy wheels dangerously close to the walls I spent so long painting!

Karenoid · 06/01/2019 21:35

I could have written this post myself. It was DHs day off today and he has been on and off the PC all bloody day. He didn't want to go out for the day to have some family time before the kids go back to school. He doesn't want to watch TV with me because he doesn't like what I want to watch. He is a serious gamer and I know it's his hobby which I would never want to take away from him but he just can't seem to grasp the effect it has on the family and our relationship. It's like talking to a brick wall sometimes!

Original poster

SunLover53 · 06/01/2019 21:36

Yes I have put up with it for years, he promises to change and will for a while but goes back to it, we moved in together when I was pregnant (our son turns 6 soon). He used to spend some evenings with me, it didn't used to be every single night but it is now. But as others have said this is his only vice so I feel like walking away from our marriage would be a bit ridiculous over this one thing wouldn't it? He doesnt smoke, drink, take drugs, he is a truly fantastic father and he's a lovely guy, gets on well with all my family etc if we have family events or functions he always comes, it's just every evening he's glued to his computer.

OP posts:

lovely36 · 06/01/2019 21:46

@BlaaBlaaBlaa we have an online business which we both manage through the day. Luckily it does quite well so we only spend a few hours a week ordering merchandise, checking orders, and the shipping is all done through amazon. Highly recommend for anyone who doesn't like a 9-5 job. However all this free time means video games for him

StreetwiseHercules · 06/01/2019 21:49

Hi SunLover. I’m sure he is indeed a good guy at heart, but he needs to compromise a bit on this one thing too. When you are a partner and father you have to compromise every part of your life so that you can meet your family’s needs. That includes your other half.

Spending every night playing computer games is just too much in the circumstances.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 06/01/2019 21:58

lovely so it's literally sleep, work for a couple of hours then game? No couple of family time?

Op i don't think it's ridiculous to leave a relationship that's making you unhappy. If he was out of the house the number of hours he spends gaming then there would be a chorus of LTB.
He might be a good dad but he's a pretty piss poor partner.

bridgetreilly · 06/01/2019 22:02

Designate one night a week as date night at home:

Don't eat dinner with your son. After he's in bed, have nice dinner together (maybe get a meal for 2 for £10 or takeaway?), wine, chat. No TV and no gaming. Find things to talk about together.

Bluntness100 · 06/01/2019 22:03

It's as unreasonable for you to ask him to spend his evenings doing something he doesn't wish (watching tv) as it is for him to ask you to spend your evenings doing something you don't wish (gaming).

So you can only compromise, you spend one night gaming with him and he spends one night watching tv with you.

Original poster

SunLover53 · 07/01/2019 09:09

I understand the thought that if he's doing something I want to do then I should be willing to game but my reasons against this are I've never done this, so it's nothing something we did in the past, like watching TV and movies together, and then I've just stopped and also as I said for me to game with him I'd be in a different room, on my own, not spending time with him, so can't see how that would make me feel any less lonely???

OP posts:

ShalomJackie · 07/01/2019 09:13

Arrange to go to a friend's once a week - it could be just to watch tv, or to a class or the pub - after all he isn't going anywhere so your son has a parent at home. Maybe he'll get the message that there is more to life!

masterandmargarita · 07/01/2019 09:22

He's an obsessive man child who, for the period of time it took to woo you, pretended to be vaguely normal and into the same stuff as you, thereby tricking you into thinking he'd make a great life companion. Now he doesn't have to try anymore he's reverted back to his true nature. He's an arse.

Pinkhorses · 07/01/2019 09:43

Reading this has made me appreciate my DP. I understand the feeling and don’t think Yabu. You don’t need to spend every evening together but as a couple you need a couple of evenings together , to connect. We have hobbies we do in other rooms but not every night , and we’ll often meet for a cup of tea together around 10pm. I wouldn’t like your situation at all, but have never been out with or known a ‘ gamer’

Bluntness100 · 07/01/2019 09:51

Why would you be in a different room to him to game with him? You just do a two player game and do it together.

JanuarySnowdrops · 07/01/2019 10:18

My ex's constant gaming and refusal to spend time with me was a lot of the reason why he's an ex. He worked shifts, I was used to that, but when he would be playing games and totally ignoring our toddler dd because he was gaming and preferring to eat meals one handed while playing with headphones constantly on leaving me to be both parents and all the housework I protested and he told me to divorce him if I didn't like it.

I didn't and did.

JanuarySnowdrops · 07/01/2019 10:20

There were many other reasons too but this tipped it over the edge.

adaline · 07/01/2019 10:54

I said for me to game with him I'd be in a different room, on my own, not spending time with him, so can't see how that would make me feel any less lonely???

Eh, why? Get him to download or buy some co-op games and you can play together. Why would you be in separate rooms?

BovrilOverkillOhMyInsides · 07/01/2019 11:03

Mine is meant to be using today to make several important phone calls he can't make otherwise because of his work patterns.

He has been meant to make these calls for nearly a month.

He's sitting in the lounge, playing on his laptop games.

We do game together and watch things together but in the last few months he hadn't been putting his games down, they're on his phone, iPad, laptop, and theres our consoles.

We like to do out own thing sometimes but I miss being more together. When we go watch something, he's usually in his phone at the same time. I've spoken to him about how that makes me feel.

Your OH is addicted and needs to cut right down. He's also not modelling very healthy or pleasant behaviour for your son.

MoreCheeseDear · 07/01/2019 11:16

So many man children. Time they grew up and did grown up hobbies.

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