DH taking DS (3) away for the weekend alone

[MissSusanScreams]

I am totally prepared to be told I am being precious.

Background: DH and I are currently undergoing fertility investigations for secondary infertility after a miscarriage two years ago. I am finding this quite hard.

I’ve got a friend coming for a weekend in Feb to go out on the Saturday night. DH been invited to stay with another friend who has child the same age that weekend and is planning to take DS on his own. It’s a three and a half hour trip. And he’s never done much in the way of solo child care before.

AIBU not to want him to take DS away for the whole weekend? Or am I worrying too much and letting my stress about maybe not ever being able to have another child cloud my judgement?

You are being totally and utterly unreasonable and you should really be welcoming the break.

Honestly, no offence intended but get a grip and enjoy some peace.

Eh?!

You are being completely unfair and wrong. Whatever anxiety or upset you might feel at the prospect suck it up and don't let either of them know you are feeling it.

I’m possibly missing something but how are these two things related?
Also, if you want to have another child with this man, isn’t it a GOOD thing that he wants to do this? Confused.

Has he not done very much solo child care because you don't really let him or because he doesn't bother..?

You’re being completely unreasonable, fucking hell. He’s the other half of this child! As much of his DNA as you are and equally responsible for him.

Um, what do you think will happen?

Well it’s high time DH learned about childcare, OP! At 3, your child should be able to ask for anything they need, such as the toilet or a drink.
And if the other friend has a child the same age, they should be doing age appropriate activities, one assumes.
Just keep your phone with you to field any queries from DH, and make sure he takes any essentials with him, such as medication, inhalers, favourite teddy etc.
I’m sure he’ll be fine, and it may give him confidence to be more hands on in future. Good luck!

How old is DS?
I would be thrilled if my DP was actively suggesting to take our DS (10m) away overnight, bit of peace for me, and if my friend was coming even better, I could have a good time and focus on the friend!
I would totally lecture DP on how to look after DS properly, mind. And I’d miss them. But I would like DP to be able to look after DS alone.

Totally BU. He's your husband and your child's father.

What exactly are you worried about?

I'm suprised you even have to ask, of course you are being unreasonable! Massively so in fact. He is his parent too

You're being oversensitive. I say this gently and with empathy. I
I'm sorry you're having a tough time - in these circumstances it is not unusual to lose perspective.

I had a number of miscarriages before DD stuck. I'm still anxious she'll be taken away from me somehow. I work hard not to let it overwhelm our family.

Be brave, send them off to have fun, explain to DH how you feel and agree a plan with him so you know when and how you'll see/hear from them. Make a plan for you to have fun too; do something you couldn't do it they were around!

It becomes easier to let the feelings go as time passes. Take care.

YABU. They’ll have a great time, he will have the opportunity to do some solo childcare, and you’ll have a break and a chance to spend some quality time with your friend.
I’m not sure how the secondary infertility is relevant to this scenario but it may be making you feel more emotional.
Let them go!

You feel that he may be the only child you'll ever have and he's only safe when he's with you.

I slightly get this (very sad and difficult journey to my daughter, would love another, it probably won't happen) but it is catastrophic thinking, not common sense. Let your husband take him away and enjoy your time with your friend.

I’m generally not good at leaving my kids but at the age of 3 they would have a wonderful weekend away with their Dad. It’s been really good for him to do solo childcare (and all the packing and planning for the trip) and really helped them develop a good bond. Let them go! Maybe get him to do a whole day a few weeks beforehand to practice. I didn’t like ‘letting go’ but it was good for everyone. I made sure we had a quiet day the next day to reconnect!

Right, thanks. I thought I might be but I’m really anxious about everything at the moment.

I had PND after DS and that was just starting to get better until the miscarriage. I’ve really struggled since then so I’m not always sure if I’m being too worried about things.

DH does a lot with DS just not alone for that length of time before. They go swimming and he does bath and bed every night so he does know what he’s doing.

Thanks for the head wobble.

I think he should go. Great opportunity for bonding and a break for you.

I can see why you’re worried if you’ve done all the childcare. Does he go to nursery or anything? How much time does your DH spend with him? It will be fine of course. I think my DS was 4 when DH first took him away without me and it was great to have a break!

Oh, cross posted. He does plenty with him then, they’ll be fine!

I get it OP I really do but this is a good thing. If you're worried make sure DH gets as much 1-1 time with DS as possible before hand. Having one on one time is so important - especially when you're not the primary carer. It's so easy to always run to mum when you need a cuddle or help with something difficult etc. It might be funny at first when only dad's available but he'll soon realise dad is more than capable of kissing scraped knees and helping him ride his scooter etc. It will be great for both of them. No doubt DH will do things slightly differently to you but that's a massive advantage for DS to have different approaches and the benefit of two parents not just one parent and an occasional helper.

I don't think your being that unreasonable. That's a long journey for anyone let alone a 3 year old. Plus 3 is very young too to be without his mum for a whole weekend. (IMO)

That said, he is with his dad and it'll give him a good chance to find out what it's really like having a 3 year old 24/7
And you a good chance to let your hair down and relax! Sorry I'm 50/50 .. no real advice!

I had to leave dd for 3 days at that age. I was attending a funeral and just wasn’t up to bringing her with me. She cried like crazy when I left, but DH said she was fine within an hour. When I came home I got a hug and she was extra cuddly, but she was really unphased. DH was exhausted. He got a good lesson in just how much work I was doing that was invisible to him.

Thanks @Purpleartichoke. That’s helpful to hear.