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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH taking DS (3) away for the weekend alone

74 replies

MissSusanScreams · 06/01/2019 18:30

I am totally prepared to be told I am being precious.

Background: DH and I are currently undergoing fertility investigations for secondary infertility after a miscarriage two years ago. I am finding this quite hard.

I’ve got a friend coming for a weekend in Feb to go out on the Saturday night. DH been invited to stay with another friend who has child the same age that weekend and is planning to take DS on his own. It’s a three and a half hour trip. And he’s never done much in the way of solo child care before.

AIBU not to want him to take DS away for the whole weekend? Or am I worrying too much and letting my stress about maybe not ever being able to have another child cloud my judgement?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 06/01/2019 18:48

I think this is a great thing for both of you long term. He can have some quality time with his son and you can learn that it’s ok to let go a little and trust him. You could just spend the whole weekend anxious but when they get back you’ll be able to tell yourself it was all fine in the end so when things like this crop up again or even just letting go a little on the day to day stuff, you know it’s ok.

StreetwiseHercules · 06/01/2019 18:49

“Plus 3 is very young too to be without his mum for a whole weekend.“

My goodness. 😯

ISmellBabies · 06/01/2019 18:49

I wouldn't be separated from my first baby for the weekend at age 3. Or any of them really. Why should she "welcome the break", she's entitled to prefer time with her children than time without! If you don't want it to happen op then just say so, change plans somewhere and do things differently, you don't have to spend a weekend away from your 3yo if you don't want to.

HirooOnoda · 06/01/2019 18:50

@MissSusanScreams of course YABU. Be grateful he wants to spend such precious time with his child 🙄

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 06/01/2019 18:50

They should totally go. A weekend to relax will do you good. It is good for them to have some time together, maybe they can build up to it by having a few days out locally/ you go out in the evening with friends so he settles him. Besides you know what a sick sense of humour the world has - first weekend for three years when you can drink as much as you like and don't need to get up in the morning to a toddler ... perfect timing for positive test.

gamerchick · 06/01/2019 18:50

He'll be fine. I'd be doing handsprings me, the whole weekend off duty? Come on, get planning. You'll enjoy it and it'll be nice have different things to talk about when they get back.

Plus it'll be good for your bloke to parent by himself for a few days. Good practise.

Allthewaves · 06/01/2019 18:52

They both will be fine. Great opportunity for you to relax and for dh and ds to have some alone time together

SoyDora · 06/01/2019 18:53

Would your DH prevent you from taking him away to a friends for a couple of days?

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 06/01/2019 18:54

Completely 100% unreasonable. Why would it even cross your mind to object?

StreetwiseHercules · 06/01/2019 18:54

@ismellbabies, that is absolutely shocking.

The dad and 3 year old should hang around the house and miss out on a great bonding experience and playing with other children just because?

As for having a break, it is a normal and healthy thing for well adjusted people to do. Well adjusted children require well adjusted parents, which the OP clearly is.

YogaWannabe · 06/01/2019 18:54

You are being unreasonable but you know that already.
Some of the comments are too harsh though, he’s only 3 and by the sounds of it hasn’t been away from you for that long before so while you are BU, I get it Flowers
Enjoy it!

Poodloo · 06/01/2019 18:55

Ismellbabies fair enough but I hope the tables are reversed and you never take your babies 3 year olds away from your partner too.

Op. Yes YABU. They'll be fine. :)

WhatNow40 · 06/01/2019 18:56

YABU but you have not had much sympathy here either. We had our DS after infertility for 5 yrs and 2 IVF attempts. It's taken a long time to come to terms with it, accepting my DS is my one and only. I love him so much it was hard to comprehend at first. I have more love for him than I've ever felt before in my whole life.

He was 12 months old when he first spent time away from me. I had breaks but always in a different room, not a different house. I knew he would be fine, it was me that wasn't.

DS is 7 now, I spent my first night away from him a few months ago. Spa weekend with the girls, amazing! Grin

I totally get how you are feeling. It's normal for you to feel like this, even if others don't. Your feelings are legitimate. Embrace them in such a way as you can then move forward more positively. The sheer enormity of your love for him means you do not want to be apart. Your DS will be absolutely fine and his relationship with DH will benefit hugely from the 1 on 1 time. You're giving DS a really great opportunity, because you love him so much.

Enjoy your night out and enjoy your snuggles with DS when he gets back, those reunion hugs are the best hugs in the world. Thanks

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 06/01/2019 18:56

plus 3 is very young too to be without his mum for a whole weekend

Why? He will be with his dad.
My and DH have had weekends away from DS since he was 10 months old. I went away for a week with work when DS was 2. No problems at all.

QueenofmyPrinces · 06/01/2019 18:58

He will be fine OP, please don’t worry.

When my son was 2.5 years old my DH took him to Spain for a week without me and it was so, so, hard for. They now go abroad without me twice a year (DH is a teacher so gets lots of time off) and I have come to relish the break!!!

When I was 36 weeks pregnant with DC2, my DH and DS1 went to Turkey for a fortnight!

It’s going to feel very unnatural for you to be parted from your son and you are understandably anxious and upset at the thought but they really will be fine.

It will be a great learning curve for your DH and a wonderful bonding experience for them too. My eldest son has an amazing bond with his dad because of all the boys holidays they go on.

As has been said, you cant really stop your DH taking your son away but do be honest with how much you are struggling with the idea. I was a crying wreck when my DH took our youngest son away, it felt really horrible so I understand why you feel the way you do.

You are obviously feeling more delicate too because of your fertility issues so don’t apologise for feeling so anxious about being away from your son.

Wave them off with a smile, have a little cry when you close the door and then enjoy the rest Flowers

ISmellBabies · 06/01/2019 18:59

Just because? Just because ds will miss his mummy all weekend and be sad? Just because op's feelings matter too? Or just because they're supposed to be a team who decide things together based on all their feelings about it as well as what's in the child's best interests?

Oldraver · 06/01/2019 18:59

Well he needs to get practising on the solo child care.

Is the reason he is going away to let the other person take over childcare ?

SoyDora · 06/01/2019 19:02

How do you know he’ll ‘miss his mummy all weekend and be sad’? He’ll be with his dad, his other parent. Plus with a friend his own age.

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 06/01/2019 19:03

Just because ds will miss his mummy all weekend and be sad?
Or he'll have a great time with dad?

You can't win on here.....either dads are unreasonable for not doing their fair share of childcare or they're unreasonable for wanting to do too much.
Absolutely ridiculous

brownbananainthebowl · 06/01/2019 19:04

I did say it was my opinion.
Some would, some wouldn't.
I just wouldn't leave mine for a whole weekend

Poodloo · 06/01/2019 19:04

oldraver really? Can't we give this dad credit. it sounds like it'll be a lovely weekend.

Poodloo · 06/01/2019 19:05

Also op is going on a night out so won't even be in, they just as well be away having fun..

Howdoyoudoit31 · 06/01/2019 19:05

I don’t even understand how you could think you were not being unreasonable.

It’s his child! Of course he can take him away for a weekend.

Summerisdone · 06/01/2019 19:06

If you don't think DH is capable of looking after your 3 yo child without your support for a couple of days, then why on earth are considering having another child with him?

Of course YABU, he is the child's father and he should be able to take him away for a weekend. I'd suggest he should be actually doing a lot more of the childcare if he's not done much so far, but tbh by the way you're panicking over just a few days, it makes me wonder if you've been so full on that he's not been given a chance to do more solo childcare 🤔🤷🏻‍♀️

StreetwiseHercules · 06/01/2019 19:07

@ismellbabies, those are a litany of excuses for being controlling. Doesn’t sound like there would be much of a Team Decision in your case.

Well adjusted 3 year olds would cry all weekend because they “missed their mummy” if they were away somewhere with their dad.