Accused of something I didn't do

[mortifiedmama]

DH, who is normally fair and reasonable is being a total dick about this. AIBU that I shouldn't be accused of something with no evidence?

I got home after taking DS out to DH saying "go and look at what you have done to the TV". I went in the lounge to find the TV broken- dead pixel line down one side and a crack. Bugger.

Went to DH to ask how it had happened. DH says I did it. That I must have done it removing the Christmas decorations. I say, no, I'd remember that, plus I used the TV after doing that and it was fine. DH says it wasn't him so must have been me. I say it could easily have been DS (3) or one of the cats. DH says no, much more likely I hit the TV with the Christmas lights.

He will not let it drop and I am fucked off with him for the accusation and the refusal to believe me. I'm now not talking to him (not sulking just fucked off) and think he should apologize.

AIBU?

He either did it himself accidentally and is trying to cover that up rather than admitting it, or he failed to supervise the three year old adequately, so toys or similar got thrown and the TV was smashed.

Either way, he is being an arse, and spectacularly immature. I'd be leaving him in no doubt about that.

I'd be tempted to tell him that you don't appreciate him trying to cover up his own inadequacies by gaslighting you, and that you find his behaviour very disappointing.

@ClaireElizabethBeauchamp blimey, are you paid per word?

@mortifiedmama

Attack is the best form of defence. That's what he is doing. He knows dam well either he broke it or your ds did and he's blustering to save face.

hmm have I got this right he was at home with dc & tv got broken - am I being cynical - could he have got cross with dc & thrown something at tv himself or knocked tv down???

You have a tv in the bathroom? 🤣🤣🤣

Defo gaslighting you. My DH does this (what a cunt!) and I must admit I don't engage/argue anymore. I just say 'you're so insistent it's me, that it's clearly you! Shove your gaslighting up your arse you fucking twat.' Then I walk off and refuse to discuss it.

Took me a long time though. Me not being so bothered these days has made him do it less, but he still does it occasionally. Blames me for all kinds of shit, even stuff I KNOW was not me.

As I said though, I pretty much ignore it now. Some men act like such cunts sometimes, it makes me wonder why we put up with it!

@AlexDrake1981

Tbf I'd have asked him who the fuck he was talking to when he ordered me to 'look at what I'd done!' You deserve a medal for not lamping him one right there!

DH used to do this to me. He would come into the lounge (after he had been in the kitchen or bedroom or whatever,) and say 'come HERE and beckon me into said room, like a naughty child. Now I say 'what the fuck am I meant to have done now?!' with a look.

'Come HERE' he says again. I now say 'fuck off, I'm not a child' and I look away.

Again, took me a long time to do this.

@ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser

‘Your refusal to listen to me, or to accept my reassurances that I have nothing to do with the tv breaking. Is making me think that you know fine well that I didn’t break our television because you broke it. If that is the case then you are gaslighting me and if you are, you should know that is a form of abuse. I refuse to tolerate it anymore! I am an adult and have absolutely no reason to lie to you!

If you continue to gaslight me, then you may as well leave this marriage right now. Relationships need to be based on trust and your behaviour either suggests you have no trust for me, or that you are trying to gaslight me, into thinking I have done something that I know I have not! In which case I can no longer trust you! So consider what you are saying VERY carefully!

What ClaireElizabeth said is very good, but it's too much to blurt out in one go. I would have to email it to him LOL!

TV in the BATHROOM? I missed that!

We only have one in each bedroom, one in the lounge, one in the kitchen, one in the dining room, one on the landing, one under the stairs, one in the conservatory, and one in the study. I feel pissed off now! I want one in the bathroom!

I am kidding obvs! We only have one (big one) in the lounge, and a small portable in the kitchen.

Plasterboarding the ceiling.
So he was in the house with tools and equipment yet he says you broke it with some Christmas lights?

Bluntness100 yes. Recently got a new bathroom and got it installed. Prior to that we used to pop the laptop on the loo but in the new configuration that doesn't work!

mumsastudent no, DH was home alone. He watched TV whilst having lunch and noticed it was broken. It, in his eyes, got broken at some point between yesterday lunch (last time he watched it) and lunch today.

Has anyone ever read Agatha Christie's The Murder of Roger Ackroyd?

Just to double-check, OP, you didn't actually break the TV, did you?

ChesterGreySideboard to be fair, completely separate rooms (and floors).

At the end of the day though it doesn’t really matter - you need a new TV that I assume will be coming out of the household budget?

Yes, it matters hugely. It matters because it shows that her DH holds her in contempt.

Butchyrestingface no, I didn't. I'd have been pissed off with myself if I had but would have owned up and replaced it.

It, in his eyes, got broken at some point between yesterday lunch (last time he watched it) and lunch today.

So he doesn’t believe you when you say you watched it earlier and it was ok.

And when you said "I watched the TV after taking the decorations down. It wasn't broken.". What did he say?
ChrisjenAvasarala nothing. He just ignored that.

So ask him again. Make clear that you require an answer.

when I had DS he had awful nightmares about us dying but didn't tell me at the time. I'm wondering if the same thing is going on. What about asking him?

Yes, it matters hugely. It matters because it shows that her DH holds her in contempt.

This.

Plus what I'd consider reasonable cost to replace and what he would are very different.

So he doesn’t believe you when you say you watched it earlier and it was ok. I don't think so. Or he's broken it so us just ignoring that.

What about asking him? Until he calms down there's no point talking to him about anything. I will once this blows over.

@treehugger13 why on earth would you stay with such an awful man?! What are you getting out of that marriage?

@pollypocket don't act like I am the only woman this happens to.

That should be to @pollypockett

Has there been any football on this weekend? Like a home team losing?

Or has he been bugging for a new bigger telly for a while?

It might be covered under household insurance in any case. Just make sure, if it is, that you get a straight replacement, not one of the new, fancier and larger ones.

Some men act like such cunts sometimes, it makes me wonder why we put up with it!

don't act like I am the only woman this happens to

I was going to ask the same question that Pollypockett asked. Saying it's happening to you is interesting phrasing. I know it isn't straightforward to leave but from you've said here, I'd be making serious plans to get out. Yes, other women go through this. That doesn't mean you have to.

Think you need to call or join the ‘A Team’ ...