I can’t cope anymore (sleep or lack of)

[NotCopingWithThis]

This is probably going to be long and rambling but please bear with me.

My son is 4 months. We are in the depths of sleep regression and have been for about a month. Every time I think things are improving for a couple of nights it gets worse again. He gets tired and wants to be in bed at about 7 but then wakes every 30-90 minutes until 10/11 ish and then 1-2 hourly thereafter. On good nights we might manage a 4 hour chunk but I’m not managing to sleep through it because of all the other wakings I just feel stressed and tense and lie awake worrying. He doesn’t even feed for that long but the constant waking has taken its toll on me. We’re up for the day about 7. I am miserable and not coping at all.

Please don’t tell me this is normal. I know it’s bloody normal but I can’t do it any more. I’m exhausted and my mental health is declining. The only way I can get him back to sleep is feeding so I am solely responsible for this. My husband does everything he can but there is only so much he can actually do. It’s all very well saying ‘sleep when he sleeps’ but his daytime naps last 30-40 minutes unless I lie next to him and feed him to sleep between sleep cycles. I try to get him to have three naps - two short (30-60 mins) and one long (1.5-2.5 hours) in the middle and he’s generally okay at these.

He is in a co-sleeping cot (full size cot) next to me in bed. He bedshares for part of the night most nights but because I am so shattered I don’t feel particularly safe doing it and lie awake worrying. He is also a very big boy and I just find the whole experience really uncomfortable and can’t get comfy.

I’m absolutely at the end of my tether. He won’t take a bottle so I can’t spend more than 2 hours away from him and get any kind of proper rest. I’m starting to consider trying formula at bedtime which is ridiculous because he won’t even take expressed milk but at least I wouldn’t have to try to find time to express (when do you actually do it?!) and it might make him sleep - I’m aware that there are no guarantees, I just don’t know what to do. I desperately wanted to get to 6 months EBF but I just feel like it’s all too much. The responsibility is crushing me.

What do I do?

@TinyMystery - I'm so happy with your name change, must mean things are better

Thank you so much for replying. I don't know how to message you directly but it means a lot to hear from someone who really gets it. I'm so sick of people who don't know telling me not to worry. Or offering advice that doesn't help, like 'put him down drowsy but awake'. I can't tell you how hard I've tried that but nothing but the nipple will work.

I am exhausted and low. I am not only physically tired, but mentally because with the short naps I never get a break. I love him so much but some days are so hard. I am so so worried about what effect this extreme lack of sleep must be having on his development xxx

Your baby is programmed to suck on your nipple every 20 minutes or so around the clock. This provides food, the comfort of the presence of the primary carer and reassurance that the hunter-gatherer mother hasn’t moved on without him/ her.

Honestly, I've seen some shite on here but this Fuck me. Did the 'hunter-gatherer' mothers just, what, forget they had a little computer-baby if it wasn't programmed to attack their tits every 1200 seconds on the dot?

OP so glad things are looking up. Just came on to say that when my DS went a bit bonkers with the wakings, it turned out to be an ear infection. Worth considering for anyone else in a similar boat.