To be terrified of dying

[Myheartbelongsto]

There is nothing I can do about this but I am petrified!

Anyone else feel the same?

Is it dying? Or being scared of life after death?

Anyone fears the unknown, and it doesn’t get more unknown than death I guess. This is ( my theory anyway) why we have no idea when it will happen or how, very often. No wonderful solution. No one gets out of this life alive! One thing- we have no recollection of life before birth- none at all. Maybe we will have no recollection of this life once we leave it. One thing we do know is that we get one life. Make the best of it.

YANBU. I am scared too...but it is because I think it will be dark, and I don't like the dark!

I used to be really scared of dying, to the point where I would lie in bed weeping in to the darkness that death will not inevitably bring. But then I realised... there's no point in being afraid. It is what it is, and worrying won't change it. Be at peace with who you are and what you've achieved in your life and know that when your number is up there's fuck all you can do about it. You won't know about dying once it's happened, so why worry? I certainly don't. If I died tomorrow my only concern would be for my children, not the passing of what's been a wonderful life.
And for the record, I strongly believe that when you die that's it! I'm an atheist, which is very comforting to me. You only have a me life... The here and now, so make the most of it before you fall into a slumber from which you'll never awaken.

*one life.

The dying itself? No, not overly, it's inevitable.

The pain it'll leave my children in (on the assumption I have good relationships with them when they're adults also assuming I live until they're adults)? Yes, because it fucking hurts like hell. But, again, I don't dwell on it because it's not going to help it.

I think a lot of people probably do feel like you though & I do sympathise

Yup, I fear the dying rather than the being dead. I only have twatty ex to advocate for me, what if I'm left rotting in a bed with some degenerative disease, slowly dying in agony.

I regret bringing kids into the world tbh, it's very selfish to create a being that has to die alone, in hindsight.

You are not alone - I'm absolutely terrified to the point that I avoid thinking about it as otherwise I start to panic.

It's not the dying itself, as a PP said, is the fear of no being.

I have a terminal illness. I'm not scared of dying, but I am scared of the pain, and of leaving my loved ones. Mostly I try not to think about it.

I think it is common to find this terrifying, and it’s not something that many people feel able to talk about or admit to. Also because, if this is a fear you feel and you are not religious and so don’t believe that there is life after, there is no comfort to be had from talking about it. No one can tell you it will be OK because it cannot be avoided or mitigated in any way. What terrifies me most is not leaving people behind, but it is the not existing, if that makes sense. Of everything being gone and no longer having any feeling or existence. The only comfort I found is when I had general anaesthetic a few years back for a major op - where you are sort of in a coma and have no dreams and no sense of time while you are unconscious, and there is no sensation or thought. I imagine death would be like that too.

I have a horrendous fear of it but more so about leaving my kids without a mum. I have awful anxiety and often convince myself that I will die this year but I have to try and keep it under wraps or it will control my life!

Not as such, of course I worry about being in pain, and the things I'll miss. I do believe in God, but I don't know where I stand on afterlife. The way I think about it is, I can't remember before I was born, so assuming it'll be the same after.

BitOfFun

I'm the same, to the point where I think about death probably every hour of everyday.

You should get some help for that. That is excessive.

I have a terminal illness. I'm not scared of dying, but I am scared of the pain, and of leaving my loved ones. Mostly I try not to think about it.

Same here. Sorry to hear you're in the same boat as me. It sucks, but it is what it is. We'll just have to keep our fingers crossed that we get as long as possible, and fucking good pain relief if needed at the end.

Thanks, Motoko- I'm so sorry to hear you are facing this too. You are right though- there's nothing for it but to hope for the best

I was always afraid of death until l sat with my father as he died. I had always adored him and could never imagine what my life would be like without him. As a child l was often terrified of my parents dying.
But being with him there and seeing how peaceful it was really helped me. Although l missed him terribly life went on and the same when my dm died. Knowing they have gone through it has made it easier for me.
I'm not sure if its in the Bible but somewhere it says " Who of you, by worrying, will add one day to your life?"
Please get help for anxiety. Its bad enough to know life will end but to waste the one life you have worrying about that is a terrible thing.
I don't think its possible to never think about it or be blase but letting it take over is not good. Chat to your GP or have some counselling.

I am fine with the actual dying part.

I am much more scared of what could happen before I die. Having cared for people who have had big strokes, people with dementia and so on, what could lead up to my death and old age scares me more than death itself ever could.

I did go through an awful couple of years of health anxiety related to my children's dad dying. I was petrified I would die too and they would lose both parents. I still struggle with the health anxiety at times, but it is still related to the same thing, not the fear of actually dying itself.

BoF Motoko

I wasn't bothered at all as a teen. Used to have the attitude of - well I won't know so it's fine! I was quite depressed as a teen though. Would have been happy not to have been born!

When I was about 21 I got on a plane to New Zealand from U.K. And started worrying it would crash and then had the realisation that for the first time ever I was actually now happy and didn't want to die. From then on I've feared death because I love life.

I now have two gorgeous DC and the thought of leaving them terrifies me. What worries me most is them growing up without their mum, and how they'd cope. I just dont want to go yet. My kids need me and I have a lot more loving (and living - phone autocorrected to 'loving' but I like it! So leaving it!) to do.

I get more and more fearful of death as time goes on, but DH can usually reassure by saying that when the time comes, hopefully when I'm old and have had all my adventures here on earth, death will be the next big adventure.

I worry about this. Not the pain and the process really but the not existing. Where will I be? What will I be thinking? Will I be capable of consciousness?

I try to think, seeing as I was born in 1978, what it was like for me in 1975. Or 1963, 1854 and so on, but it blows my mind and makes me feel anxious. I can't imagine being nothing. I want to be something. I'm not the kind of thinker who can adhere to religious tenets. I just don't believe them.

I nursed my Gran (who was like my mum) through terminal bowel cancer at home with me and seeing the whole process of dying made me incredibly phobic about it for many years. I would have deeply distressing flashbacks about her last days and the sounds she made and I was literally paralysed by fear - I ended up seeking help for ptsd and anxiety.

Years on I’ve mostly come to terms with it all now. We all have to go! I hope whatever happens to us all isn’t painful but all you can do is live every moment without fear. Fearing things doesn’t stop them happening. By being so anxious about it you’re just wasting the time you have- easier said than done I know!

I don't fear the physical act but I worry myself silly about dying before my kids are adults. A friend of mine passed away suddenly last year leaving three young children from 13 down to 7. It's that pain I'm worried about and not being there for them. I drive myself silly at times thinking about it.

Yes me too, I used to have really bad panic attacks too and it was always worse in stressful situation like exams or after my DS was born.
I rarely if ever get them now and when I do my coping mechanism is to touch something wooden, something that came from the earth originally and it settles me for some reason.
Hope you are ok.

Not me but I'm terrified of my parents dying - and now also my DS. In fact I don't even want to live myself if he was no longer here.

There's a wonderful book called How We Die by Sherwin Nuland that is well worth reading - as in all things, knowledge is powerful and enlightening and helps much more than head in the sand or obsessing impotently. It's no spoiler to say that the greatest takeaway is to focus on how we live and make that our driving force day to day.

I used to be, but more out of concern about what would happen to my children as their dad is not a responsible parent.

Now they are adults, I'm OK with it.