Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Did I cheat on him?

52 replies

lexidexi · 05/01/2019 13:07

Been having problems in my relationship for a while. DP moved out temporarily just after Christmas, but we are just getting some space from each other and we were then going to sort through stuff.
I never go out but went out on New Years and had a few too many and went a bit overboard. Me and my friend linked up with a group of guys and kind of stuck with them. I was flirty with one of the guys and I knew at the time it was wrong. DP has now seen photos/videos of me having a piggyback by this guy, standing at the bar with his arms draped round me, him stroking my hair etc. Affectionate but didn't kiss him or anything and he knew I had a partner. It was over the line but DP has gone crazy and said I cheated and he doesn't know if he can forgive me which I don't necessarily agree with? Who's being unreasonable?

OP posts:

RedSkyLastNight · 05/01/2019 13:09

I think different relationships have different boundaries and I suspect some will think this is fine, and others not.
Would it bother you if he did the same with another woman?

AnduinsGirl · 05/01/2019 13:10

I knew at the time it was wrong
He's not being unreasonable then really, is he?
I'd be gutted if my boyfriend acted like this.

Ironingboard · 05/01/2019 13:10

Think of it from his point of view. If I saw photos of my boyfriend like this during a break, I’d be absolutely gutted.

CarolDanvers · 05/01/2019 13:10

Yes I think that’s cheating but I also think your relationship is over and was in your mind so you should probably just make a clean break now. I’d say exactly the same to a man.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/01/2019 13:10

Not exactly but....

I wouldn’t be able to accept this from my partner.

Amanduh · 05/01/2019 13:11

No, standing with another man stroking your hair, arms around you surely isn’t a boundary anyone would think was acceptable.
I’d have trouble forgiving my husband for it. And so would most people I know.

Bacardi101 · 05/01/2019 13:13

It sounds like hard work OP I don’t know enough about your relationship but you have one life and you deserve to be happy if your DP is not doing this maybe it’s time to move on

TooTrueToBeGood · 05/01/2019 13:19

I knew at the time it was wrong

What exactly do you mean by that? Did you feel within yourself it was wrong or do you mean you knew your DP would disapprove? They're not the same thing.

I suspect you're focusing on the wrong issue. What are the problems in your relationship that caused you to split up and are you really sure you want to try and fix it?

Original poster

lexidexi · 05/01/2019 13:23

@TooTrueToBeGood both. I knew it was wrong and I wouldn't like him doing it but at the time it was just really nice to feel single, that sounds awful I know!

There's so many problems in our relationship now. We get on great 50% of the time and it'd be seen as a perfect relationship but the other half, I'm snappy at him, he can get quite controlling, and we generally don't trust each other even though we try. It seems that no matter how much we try and make it work, there's just something that means in never does!

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 05/01/2019 13:24

Time to pull the plug on this relationship, Regardless if you cheated or not. It's over.

greendale17 · 05/01/2019 13:25

Yes I would consider it cheating and I would finish with you

supersop60 · 05/01/2019 13:28

It sounds like you are unhappy in your relationship. That alone is a reason to end it.
I wouldn't be happy if my dp did what you did.

JoeLycettsSparklyArmSling · 05/01/2019 13:29

You crosssd a line as far as he’s concerned and I don’t think he’s unreasonable to feel that way. My ex used to behave this way with other women in front of me and honestly, it’s humiliating when it happens over and over and other people know about it. If my current partner acted like this I’d be really upset.

JoeLycettsSparklyArmSling · 05/01/2019 13:30

Given your latest update I think you should call time on the relationship. Sounds utterly miserable.

Pachyderm1 · 05/01/2019 13:32

I’d be really devastated if my partner behaved that way so I think YABU.

JagerPlease · 05/01/2019 17:17

I'd say not really acceptable behaviour but not actually cheating

BlueJag · 05/01/2019 17:19

To me it isn't cheating but it's not appropriate either.
You had a fun night got a bit drunk and relax your relationship rules.
You may want to rethink your relationship it doesn't sound like you are having fun.

PinkHeart5914 · 05/01/2019 17:19

I think it shows a lack of respect for your dp and relationship but I wouldn’t say cheating

XiCi · 05/01/2019 17:49

Its not cheating no but not appropriate behaviour if you are in a relationship . However, as far as I m concerned if my partner moved out and said he wanted space I would consider us both single. Sounds like from your description that your relationship wasn't functioning anyway. Maybe this is what you both need to get closure on it and move on.

TacoLover · 05/01/2019 17:54

I knew at the time it was wrong

This is all it comes down to. If it felt wrong and you wouldn't like it the other way around then it's cheating in my view.

BruceAndNosh · 05/01/2019 18:00

There's so many problems in our relationship now. We get on great 50% of the time and it'd be seen as a perfect relationship but the other half, I'm snappy at him, he can get quite controlling, and we generally don't trust each other even though we try
Doesn't matter how "great" that 50% is, it means the rest of the relationship isn't.
What you did at New Year is irrelevant. I don't think this is a relationship that is worth saving

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 05/01/2019 18:07

I'd personally finish with you. If my partner did that I would be gutted and would never be able to trust him.

MitziK · 05/01/2019 18:12

If he's controlling, he will not stop bitching on about this to get his own way at every opportunity. It will be used to stop you doing anything - go out? Not after the way you behaved. Have a drink? Not after the way you behave. Get your hair done? It's obviously for somebody else after the way you behaved. Go to the shop alone? After the way you behave? Go to your own retirement bash? Really? After the way you behave?

Seriously, it'll be a weapon for the next 40 years if he deigns to accept you promising you didn't really do anything and you're sorry you did wrong when all you did was have a good time with friends after escaping a controlling relationship

See it as proof you're better off being free. And take the opportunity.

Oblomov18 · 05/01/2019 18:20

Wouldn't be ok for me. I'd finish with you, if I were him.

BaconPringles · 05/01/2019 18:25

Yeah I think if I was him I’d finish with you

And the fact you lapped up all this affection from a man who isn’t single himself?

You need to have a few words with yourself

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread