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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask those of you who have given - or are planning to give - your DC money for a house deposit

69 replies

RevokeRemainReform · 05/01/2019 09:23

If you're not worried that a present or future partner will benefit from your generosity if the couple split up.

And what, if anything, you've done to protect your contribution.

OP posts:
williteverend99 · 05/01/2019 10:26

... but you need legal/ financial advice to make sure there is no future
I H T liability... in which case the Chancellor of the Exchequer may get 40% plus of your stake anyway.

DaphneduM · 05/01/2019 10:38

I gifted a substantial deposit to my daughter to buy a house with her partner, who became her husband a few months later. He is a lovely man and sometimes things just have to be taken on trust. We would not have dreamed of offending him by tying it up legally, which I know some people will think is naive. Believe me, I am very financially savvy but as she is an only child I looked on it as just an advance on her inheritance. (It was part of an inheritance from my parents that I passed on). It gives me great joy to see them in a nice house, and they were able to by-pass the first time buyer stage. She is expecting our first grandchild in June and everyone is very happy. My husband and I still have plenty of money for our needs and my mum always taught me that 'money is a tool to be used wisely' and that's what I consider I have done. The only downside is that I think it might have made the other parents feel bad that they couldn't offer the same, but that's just one of those things. They have other children to consider, we don't. The only other possible problem is that it could affect the power balance, but in a mature relationship hopefully this is not the case. On a practical note, it's a bit of a hassle providing a paper trail for the money - solicitors are very hot on this now because of the money-laundering legislation.

JillScarlet · 05/01/2019 10:41

Comptesse you mean Joint Tenants, rather than Tenants in Common. As TiC, not married, you can specify the amount of the property owned individually by each partner, and they do not automatically inherit if one dies.

possumgoddess · 05/01/2019 10:51

I have two children. Both have partners, neither is married, one has children. Child 1 has children with partner, earns less than partner but contributes towards the mortgage. I have given a lump sum for deposit on house provided the house is owned jointly. Child 2 has no children, moved in with partner into house owned by them. That house then sold and equity put into better house and I was not at that time in a position to give anything towards it. This house not originally owned by both of them although both are paying towards mortgage. I have offered the same amount to child 2 to build an extension, provided that their stake in the house is protected. I just wanted to ensure that if either relationship broke down they both both have something to put towards another property.

mumblechum0 · 05/01/2019 10:58

I’m an ex divorce lawyer and have gone completely against my own advice by gifting £100k to our only surviving son and his new wife.
I know I could have taken out a charge or whatever but this money was inherited from my own parents so I consider it something I haven’t earned myself. DS and DIL are very much in love.
I know things may change and that if they divorce, especially if they have kids, that money’s gone but am relaxed about it

Fortybingowings · 05/01/2019 11:08

Personally I wouldnt do it. But not because of worries about kids divorcing and their ex getting a cut.
I wish for my house equity and savings to pay for my own and DH's elderly care so that my kids don't have to worry about it when they're my age now!

MakeAHouseAHome · 05/01/2019 11:10

My Partner was gifted part of his deposit. My total deposit contribution was still greater than his though (not gifted just worked hard for!)

We had a Deed of Trust drawn up to protect our individual deposits and ensure we got those back. Everything else is then split 50/50.

Original poster
RevokeRemainReform · 05/01/2019 11:10

If married it is a marital asset and I would have no issue with my DS' ex-spouse taking their half

You might think differently if she had an affair.

My friend is now living in rented accommodation in her mid-40s whilst her ex has used his 70% equity towards a house purchase with the other woman.

OP posts:
JillScarlet · 05/01/2019 11:11

If my Dc split from their partner I would want their children to be housed.

Pachyderm1 · 05/01/2019 11:11

My father gifted us some of the deposit for our house. We were given the option by our solicitor to draw up an agreement that if we split, I would get back the deposit and then the rest of the proceeds would be equally split. We didn’t do this in the end, but the option was there and nothing to do with the mortgage company.

IAmNotAWitch · 05/01/2019 11:17

I would not fund a house in that way.

If my children want assistance I would prefer to buy a house myself and rent it to them at a low rent.

Obviously my kids will inherit when I die and it may all get split out then, but I will be dead so won't care.

SweetheartNeckline · 05/01/2019 11:21

My DC are small but I do think a gift has to be given with no strings. A loan / co-ownership agreement is a different matter. However I think it's perfectly reasonable for a parent to avoid giving a large gift until they feel the circumstances are right. I plan to (as my parents did) support my DC to live at home at a reduced rate for a few years post-education to help them save up.

This is coloured by house prices round here still being ok-ish - a deposit of £15k and a £20k pa job is enough to buy a habitable 2 or 3 bed terrace in a nice enough area. I think parents gifting say a £10k deposit is very different from those in the SE who need to gift say £100k which must be a lot scarier! If some of my DC choose to move to an expensive area for work or study I'm not sure how it'll work.

Original poster
RevokeRemainReform · 05/01/2019 11:22

I believe the mortgage company can object as it is similar to putting a charge on the house.

Maybe mumblechum0 can enlighten us.

OP posts:
JillScarlet · 05/01/2019 11:24

Pachyderm: the mortgage company weren’t interested because the money was a gift, not a loan (which would in their eyes affect your ability to pay the mortgage) or with a charge over the property (which would affect their ability to re-posess and sell ).

The issue there was whether the gift was to you alone to be specified as yours, or to you as a couple within the value of the house.

SciFiScream · 05/01/2019 11:32

We've started a pension for both our DC. I suppose if married and later divorced that could be an issue. I'd never thought about it.
They also have a tiny amount in their child tax funds, a savings bond and a generic savings account. Other than the pension (£20 each pcm) we don't save for them. Their savings are monetary gifts they have been given over the years. I'd like them to have £10K when they reach adulthood (about 1/3 of the way there) and I hope they'd use that for a house deposit but it's their money to use as they choose.
The only other way we'd ever be able to help them with a lump sum for a deposit would be when we retire and can take a sum from our paltry pensions!
I'm not really thinking about future partners at the moment. That will be their live to live and choose. I'll try to guide them and not interfere.
On small amounts like I'm talking about there IMHO is little to be gained in protecting them. Larger amounts I might think differently.

grasspigeons · 05/01/2019 11:37

id want to protect it until there was a 'child of the marriage' and which point if the wife of my sons gets half of it or all of it to provide my grandchildren with a stable home then so be it. But I don't think we will have much to give.

Original poster
RevokeRemainReform · 05/01/2019 11:37

If my Dc split from their partner I would want their children to be housed.

Of course you would. Hence it would be good to have your DC's gift protected so they have some say. My friend's DC are housed in the rental she's been forced into. Her ex has 50/50 residency but has moved far from the kids school to buy a house with OW.

It's all very well people being generous hearted towards the loved up couple but they might not stay that way.

OP posts:
knittedjest · 05/01/2019 11:38

Haven't given them a house deposit but they all live in houses that we own. That's how we protect the money that we've invested.

Original poster
RevokeRemainReform · 05/01/2019 11:44

We've started a pension for both our DC. I suppose if married and later divorced that could be an issue

I believe a divorcing spouse can have dibs on the pension. And other savings and investments.

OP posts:
user139328237 · 05/01/2019 11:44

@sarahandduck
Presumably you also think partners of stay at home mums should refuse marriage?
Otherwise well done on being openly sexist

Bluelady · 05/01/2019 11:48

I made a substantial gift to my single son to enable him to own a house. Gifts don't come with strings, if he makes an unwise decision down the line and loses half of it, it's his loss not mine and he'll have to live with it.

bengalcat · 05/01/2019 11:48

up to her if she wished to protect her assets prior to marriage but I’d advise her to do so in order to safeguard her financial future

whycantIthinkofadecentusername · 05/01/2019 11:50

DS is only 6 at the minute, but when he was born we started a savings account for him. The idea being that we would give it to him when he started talking about buying a house. It is his money to do with as he sees fit. If that's sharing with a partner that's fine.

That being said DP and I aren't married and have a legal agreement about the deposit he put down, should we ever split.

I would encourage DS to do the same.

Vivaldi1678 · 05/01/2019 11:54

Very difficult. I suppose it comes down to how much you like and trust their DP. A Deed of Trust would be an option, or a loan protected by a charge over the property, even if you don't intend to enforce it. I agree that the position is probably different where DC are involved. I am cautious because in my legal career I have seen so many family problems and break ups caused because people didn't have an agreement in place at the start, before there was any issue.

Vivaldi1678 · 05/01/2019 11:55

I meant DGC.