To think people are Cruel about big’ weddings?

[MrDarcyWillBeMine]

A few wedding threads have popped up this week. Awesome, as a 2019 bride I love a good wedding thread!

However, I’m shocked and bemused by the sheer disgust MANY people openly display towards big traditional weddings. I find them very rude and small minded!

No feelings spared - plain nasty comments and even name calling! Apparently anyone who pays more than £50 to nip down their local registry office is a total ‘MUG’ and terrible person? 🤔

These nasty opinions also seems to be one sided - no ‘big weddings’ reguarlh jump in to abuse smaller cheaper ones or make crass remarks- there are plenty of ‘I’d never spend £20k on a wedding- I’d rather lick a mouldy toilet seat’ commenters

But no (very few and usually only in retaliation to abuse)
‘I’d never have a tacky function room £1k wedding - I’d rather visit a public pool 🤢’

🤔 So I can only assume that either:
A- people having cheaper wedding are generally meaner
Or
B- the abuse of large weddings is actually driven by jealousy!

With our fail it sparks a big ‘race to the bottom competition’ between commenters trying to one up each other on ‘cheapeast possible wedding’ 😒 meanwhile I just sit here thinking ‘I like my castle wedding 😬’

EVERY TYPE OF WEDDING IS LOVELY!

AIBU to think that people need to just stop being trolls and making shitty negative comments?

• I do get that weddings need to be affordable but some people CAN afford to spend £10k+ on a wedding and that’s ok!

I am in my late 50s and most people I know are still married to their original spouse. A few divorces, but not many. And those who are divorced, if I am honest it was predictable that they would not last.

Ladybunker, your wedding sounds so beautiful!

The past poster who had 150k in the bank but used it as deposit for dream home also resonated with me. I hope your wedding in the Spring is lovely!

To the OP about people cheap weddings being mean and the weddings tacky...! Thanks! Ours was under 6k.. We paid for accommodation for family and friends who travelled from elsewhere in UK and had an amazing meal in a very good restaurant, flowing drinks, beautiful flowers and family taking photos. Our priority was having our closest friends and family together and everyone enjoying themselves and being comfortable- and inviting only people we really wanted there and would have time to talk to. No regrets! It was very relaxed and we loved it. We are both quite shy so wouldn’t enjoy the fanfare of a bigger wedding and it was also important for us that it did not require our loved ones to end up paying out much for our celebration with accommodation or drinks or gifts or colour coordinated outfits etc.

Ps OP, good luck with your wedding and if you feel your wedd wedding is right for you and your fiancé, then who cares what other people think!

@JingsMahBucket

Haha it's abroad we're paying for our kids obviously and parents. It's not as lavish as it sounds on one day. It's a two week all inclusive in a golf resort and spa.

My mum and dad are getting on now and have a few little health problems so that's part of the reason we are going away. No stress and nothing to organise 

@MrDarcyWillBeMine it's just jealousy that's all. There's a lot of it on here unfortunately. All weddings are lovely!

What brides sometimes lose sight of is that is the marriage that is important not the wedding day. The hype has produced some women who dream of their big day, long before they find the man. What is that about?

the only type of wedding that annoys me is the 'we are getting married abroad to keep costs down' wedding. Its normally combined with ' we totally expect you to be there and it will cause a rift in the family if you don't come'

So the guest has to pay flights, accommodation and use annual leave and the actual cost of the wedding is really high but its been offloaded onto the guests.

But even then I actually enjoy the day itself!

We got married abroad, partly to keep costs down but mostly because that’s what we wanted to do.

We didn’t expect anyone to join us because we didn’t invite them. We had a couple of parties when we got back - one for friends and a lunchtime buffet do for family.

We got married. We didn’t have a ‘wedding’. It was exactly what we wanted

*Ok- personal opinion I wouldn’t want to get married in a crap function room/tacky pub and would be slightly embarrassed - just as I wouldn’t want to live in a bad area or drive a falling apart car!

But I don’t think there’s ANYTHING wrong with those who do and I’m sure cheap weddings are perfectly nice!*

Hypocritical much? There’s only one small minded person on this thread....

Here’s the thing OP, the reality is NOONE gives a shit about your wedding. You are literally the only person on the planet that gives this much of a shit. That’s why you get comments. No one apart from you (and maybe your STBH) cares how much you’ve spent and how big your wedding is. They have to say something when the info is offered up so they give you their personal opinion and that’s usually formed from experience.

For example, the ‘big’ lavish weddings I’ve personally attended in the past, have been stuffy, painfully boring and left me feeling like I would have rather spent my time elsewhere. They probably would’ve left a sizeable hole in my pocket for the privilege too. So, yes, when someone is telling me about their big fat expensive day, there is an inward sigh and roll of the eyes and unless I love them like my own family, I decline the invite.

FWIW my wedding was large but cheap. Certainly not everyone’s cup of tea as evidenced by some invitees behaviour but I can’t say I really care (and told them at the time).

If you don’t want to hear anything negative, stop offering information. Weddings are personal, keep it that way.

But even if you don’t live in London you can get there by public transport. You generally can’t get to a remote Scottish castle that easily.

Big traditional weddings are tacky, impersonal, sexist, an enormous waste of money and a vulgar display of wealth that in reality the couple often don’t have... I

you can tell that some posters have a happy and fulfilled life

grasspiegons is that actually that common though?
People that do a set wedding package abroad will understand costs as presumeably that’s why they’ve chosen a package.People that DIY wedding abroad would imply they are happier taking risks with their wedding and therefore understand if people can’t come.
On MN it would appear it’s guests complaining they can’t attend and splitting the family not the bride and groom.

I really hate the use of the word jealousy on this thread. It's used to imply that your wedding must be better than other people's because you've spent more money on it and so anyone who disagrees must just be jealous because they can only afford something cheaper. It's utter rubbish, people just have different preferences.

That’s exactly what she’s saying Mangoo. It’s obvious from her first post.

Not everyone is desperate to spend £25 k on a massive wedding.

Saying it’s jealous makes you look like a dim-wit.

I think a lot of the posters simply hate ‘marriage’ for whatever reason and use a wedding thread to vent their hate/jealousy/angst etc etc.

Probably not, I've just been blessed with two relatives who have had abroad weddings to reduce costs and made it quite clear they'd be devastated it we didn't attend.

I have zero problem with abroad weddings where the couple really don't mind if you come or not - its just not been my personal experience of them.

I never understand the drama about weddings abroad. You just make a holiday of them, it's fun to do something a bit different. As long as you are given enough warnings, and even an informal save-the-date email a year in advance is very welcome, there are enough low-cost airlines and holiday packages to be able to go anywhere on the cheap.

If you cannot go, then just don't.

There are big weddings and big weddings. There are weddings that cost a lot because the couple have big families and/or many friends and they want to ensure their guests' food, drink and accommodation is paid for.

Then there are the big weddings that are expensive because the bride has to have the ribbons on the 200 party favours dyed to the exact same shade as the bridesmaids' shoes by an artisanal wedding favour supplier, and has spent months searching for "entertainment" for the evening reception that will top that of the last three weddings she's been to, and has plundered Etsy for every hand-engraved tealight holder she can find for that "homespun/quirky" touch, but who didn't consider the inconvenience or cost to their guests when picking the remote country house hotel to get married in, only how stunning her dress will look against the landscape in the photos and how they'll be able to have an oh-so-original hand-in-hand photo of them looking back through the gateway to the walled garden in the grounds. And I think they're the kind of wedding that make people roll their eyes, because it's all about how it looks. It's wedding-as-Pinterest-mood-board, not wedding-as-lifelong-commitment-to-soulmate.

The big lavish wedding I went to (costing £60-80K) cost me tiddly squat.

I wore a dress I already had. Ditto DH (not a dress, a suit!) I bought a hat from TK Maxx for £12 that I have since worn to another wedding as it's the only hat I've found that suited me. The wedding was in the next county and we stayed at a B&B for £30. All transport was provided. It was a wonderful day I won't forget in a hurry and I doubt I will experience such a magical wedding again. but dearly hope DDs don't expect anything like this, luckily I know they don't

My wedding cost somewhere in the region of 20k just over 10 years ago. It was the most fantastic day of my life. We used the church we attended regularly and a lot of the confreagation turned up to support us as well as our invited guests. We had our reception at a beautiful Manor House with lovely food, a great band. For us, it was perfect and I remember so much of that day and would do it all again. Family and friends genuinely still talk about it every now and then.
That said, I know that isn’t what everyone wants and that’s fine. I would never criticise someone’s wedding because it was different to what I wanted (been to an amazing wedding in a field wearing wellies and had fish and chips). Live and let live.

Btw, I’m still happily married and couldn’t imagine being with anyone else. Definitely had ups and downs but we’re in it together.

Good luck with your wedding and marriage, OP.

GenerationSnowflake, that's the kind of comment that reminds me how very disparate MNers experiences are. My budget for holidays is a long weekend in the Lake District once a year; I'd have more chance of flying to Venus than affording some of the far-flung wedding destinations one or two of my acquaintances have chosen (Maldives / Dominican Republic for e.g.) I have no issue with saying "sorry, I simply can't afford it but I hope you have a wonderful day"; I do have an issue if they then get the arse over the fact I'm not going to be there!

Big weddings are tacky because they are ostentatious - the image of the “big fat gypsy wedding” always comes into my mind. Tasteful and discreet comes in small packages.

The brides had classic taste and that's what matters

It's a bit sad for those of us without 'classic taste' I'm just not a 'classy' or 'elegant' kinda woman. Having said that, I don't think that anyone wants to marry me. And I don't want to get married anyway. So, all is well.

Back on topic, it's all a matter of personal preference, is it not? I hope that each and everyone of you planning a wedding has an amazing day and, more importantly, a happy future life

The brides had classic taste and that's what matters