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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask if height matters to you?

88 replies

Bananafritter · 04/01/2019 22:23

Just that really!

A friend was taking a picture of DP and I at a NY party and told me to “bend my knees a bit” as we looked the same height!

He is only about an inch taller than me (he’s about average height, I’m quite tall) which doesn’t bother me at all but I was just wondering if any women still cared much about their DP’s being taller than them?

I think it’s a funny thing to bother about really but everyone has their preferences I suppose

OP posts:

Butchyrestingface · 04/01/2019 22:27

I'm 5 ft 2. I would ideally prefer someone taller than me but not going to rule out anyone the same height/shorter. Your friend wasn't being particularly pleasant.

Surely even for women for whom height is an issue, this would be relative to the woman's own height - i.e., woman who is 4 ft 11 may be very definite about wanting a taller man, but a woman who is 6 ft 2, is she as likely to insist on a taller partner?

Topseyt · 04/01/2019 22:29

I am not aware that I have any actual preference re height.

However, DH is a whole foot taller than me. I am 5ft 2ins and he is 6ft 2ins.

RuthWilder · 04/01/2019 22:29

I’d never really thought about it, until I went on a few dates with a guy who was the same height as me (5 ft 6) who told me some women were really hung up on his height & had teased him about it. They definitely missed out - the sex was amazing

steppemum · 04/01/2019 22:31

odd thing for your friend to say.
But yes, I would have struggled with someone smaller than me.
I am tall and not sylph like, and woudl feel large and ungainly around a small petite partner.

Fortunately dh is 6' tall!

mindutopia · 04/01/2019 22:31

I do. But I’m 5’9 and spent about 18 years of my life being ridiculed for being like the tallest person in the school. I’ve been this tall for a long time and was heads above every boy in school from like 7. So I’m probably quite neurotic about it. My dh just happens to be 6’5 though so I’m sorted.

Topseyt · 04/01/2019 22:31

I have to say though, I can't see why your friend made an issue of it.

Thisisnotadriveby · 04/01/2019 22:31

I have never really cared but I am quite short just a smidge over 5ft, partner is 5ft7ish... perfect for me! Shortest BF was 5ft4.

Although my friend (female) is 5ft6 and is dating someone who is 5ft3, I am sorry if this seems judgemental but when they take selfies he sort of rests his head on her shoulders and it just looks kind of odd.

Each to their own though!

Reminds me of the time I dated a bloke who was over 6ft and a lady I worked with who was very tall moaned at me, she said that short girls shouldn’t be dating taller men as most guys are taller than me so I had more options and that I was stealing from the limited pool that are taller than her!

CheekyNandosForMe · 04/01/2019 22:33

That's rather rude of your friend. It's an outdated and rude concept that guys can't be smaller than their female partner.

I married a guy slightly shorter than me, and I had a relationship with someone else who was a few inches shorter. It was an issue for them both but exH more joked about it quietly, where as the ex boyfriend who was short would actively pull himself up and say we were at least the same height, if not him slightly taller (it was bollocks).

I love someone taller than me but that's because I like to feel enveloped with love and security. And the right person can do that anyway, regardless of height.

Aria2015 · 04/01/2019 22:34

I'm tall and it does matter to me but only because of my own insecurities about my height. I'm aware it’s not something that should be a factor but the fact of the matter is that I feel self conscious around a shorter man. It makes me feel awkward. My dh is about 5 inches taller than me and it makes me feel much less self conscious of my own height although people still comment ’that we’re both so tall!’. A lot of it stems from childhood stuff because I did most of my growing very early so my height has always been a talking point for people. So yes, for me it matters even though I know it shouldn't.

fruityb · 04/01/2019 22:34

I’m 5ft 9 and would say my husband is probably 5ft 7. It’s never ever bothered me - I’m tall and broader than him but I’ve never been with someone I class as as much of a man and a gent as my husband. I don’t care that he’s smaller than me! I was never going to wipe out anyone that was as potential dates as that was silly and I don’t feel like he couldn’t protect me because he could.

Plus the tall men I’ve been with all turned out to be pricks lol

MissLanesAmericanCousin · 04/01/2019 22:36

I prefer much taller men than I, ( also 5'2) because I like the feeling of being protected (because I was not protected very much growing up) My DH is 6', however, I have dated men as tall as 6'5 and as short as 5'7. Personality and shared values trumps everything though, so, if DH were shorter I wouldn't mind.

bourbonbiccy · 04/01/2019 22:37

I'm 4"10 (and a half) so for me .....yeah my DH is taller than me and when I was younger I never actually met a man who was smaller than me, so yeah they needed to be taller 😀😀

Elfinablender · 04/01/2019 22:39

I have no real preferences over height. I've dated guys smaller, the same height and much taller than me. I'm fussy in lots of other ways though.

BikeRunSki · 04/01/2019 22:41

I’m 5’8”. All* my BFs, including now DH, hace been 6’2” so I guess height dies matter to me!

this is a total of about 4 people

BlueThesaurusRex · 04/01/2019 22:44

6ft here... DH is 6ft 1 and my ex was 5ft 7

Never felt self conscious at all with ex and am taller than DH when I have heels on- does not bother me one bit!

MrsApplepants · 04/01/2019 22:45

I am only 5’4 but I’ve simply never fancied short men or even average height ones. All my boyfriends have been over 6 ft, DH is 6’4. I never noticed at first but I always went for tall men, it just seemed always to be that way. I think now it’s because I subconsciously chose men the exact opposite of my father, who is v short.

Original poster

Bananafritter · 04/01/2019 22:46

I can totally relate to people feeling insecure about their height - I’m 5ft 9 as well and spent many years at school being teased for it but as an adult I seem to only be complimented for it which I’ve learnt to love myself.

My favourite thing about my partner being a similar height to me is that it’s great for holding hands. I always found it hard with my 6 ft 5 ex

To be honest I don’t think my friend meant it rudely - her partner is much taller than her (he’s also a dickhead but that’s irrelevant here) and I think she felt she was doing me a favour by pointing it out, like telling me to fix my hair pre photo.

Didn’t bother me much but I thought it was interesting she thought it would

OP posts:

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 04/01/2019 22:48

I’m 4’11 so there aren’t many adult men shorter than me. Though I’ve dated short men as well as very tall ones, I don’t really mind as just about everyone towers over me. My DP is average height.

Bluntness100 · 04/01/2019 22:50

Yes, I prefer a man to be taller I'm five foot eight. I wouldn't like to be with someone smaller and thinner than me, it would just feel wrong to me. I don't think I could have sex with someone physically smaller than me.

MrsTerryPratcett · 04/01/2019 22:52

I'm average height and have pretty much always dated men over 6ft. I had two formative relationships with very tall men and it stuck.

SerenDippitty · 04/01/2019 22:52

I don’t mind. I’m 5ft 2in, DH is 5ft 7 and is perfect.

Birdsgottafly · 04/01/2019 22:55

I'm 5'2", so everyone is taller than me.

I'm more bothered about build. I like a man to be solidly built. I couldn't be doing with being the hefty one in the relationship.

creamcheeseandlox · 04/01/2019 22:55

I'm 5ft 2 and like tall men. My dh is 6ft 4!! I like the feeling of protectiveness it gives me. My daughter takes after him and at 9 she is up to my nose and has size 4 feet!

CoffeeRunner · 04/01/2019 22:56

It’s never bothered me.

I am tallish for a woman (5 9) and my ex was also 5 9. My current partner however is 5 8 & it’s a huge issue for him.

So much so he’s surprised he ever fell for me!

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 04/01/2019 22:57

I'm 6ft 2" and the guy I've recently started dating is 5ft7" I didn't even realise until someone pointed it out to take the piss. Doesn't bother me in the least, I'm taller than lots of people and he's a sweetheart I've known for 5 years which is far more important to me. I know it doesn't bother him either because he actually openly states he likes taller women and encourages me to wear my heels if I want too.

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