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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take no blame for this?

111 replies

HaveACupOfCoffee · 04/01/2019 15:33

First world problem but DH is sulking like a toddler and expecting an apology.

Currently pregnant. Had our anatomy scan on Tuesday, everything was fine. I wanted to find out the sex of the baby and the sonographer agreed to look, so DH stepped out of the room whilst I was told.
We did this for our last baby and I was able to keep it to myself, so DH didn’t find out until he was born.

Today DH decided to use my eBay account for no particular reason, just a browse, and saw that I’d purchased a little white broderie anglaise dress and cardigan for the baby when she arrives.

Which obviously to him means I have spoiled the surprise.

Aibu to tell him to grow up? If he had have told me he wanted to use my account I could have warned him I’d made baby related purchases that would give away the sex. Instead he’s upstairs in a huff, blaming me for ruining his birthday (tomorrow) and that he doesn’t know how he can sit across from me at dinner knowing I’ve ‘betrayed his trust’

OP posts:

Yinv · 04/01/2019 17:25

What a total twat he is

I should think that the bigger problem than him wanting you to apologise is that you are married to a spoilt, selfish and immature wanker. Spoilt his birthday? Oh my God, the man has no life experience or perspective. What a total and utter fucking prat.

Governoress86 · 04/01/2019 17:37

Iklboo- all he would need to do is put a picture of himself in the middle of the orrery and the solar system would revolve around him

StormTreader · 04/01/2019 17:39

For you being the pregnant one, he seems to have gotten all the hormones! Hes trying very hard to turn "I snooped into my birthday present and got caught out" into "god, you're SO thoughtless!". Nice try buckaroo.

masterandmargarita · 04/01/2019 18:02

Why couldn't you do it this way his time so it was a surprise for both of you

masterandmargarita · 04/01/2019 18:03

*his way

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/01/2019 18:08

Why couldn't you do it his way his time so it was a surprise for both of you

Because she didn't do it her way last time either. She wanted to know and did but didn't get to share that and enjoy knowing together just the same as he didn't get to share not knowing together.

Personally I didn't want to know and neither did DH but I understand that other people have different ideas and would have been ok with him knowing and me not.

Original poster

HaveACupOfCoffee · 04/01/2019 18:09

@masterandmargarita because I wanted to know the sex of my unborn child. And it was a surprise! Just an early one.

We both got our own way last time and both got our own way this time. Except he spoilt it for himself. I bought things on eBay and amazon last time and he didn’t snoop. I had a big box in the wardrobe with baby stuff in and he didn’t look (to my knowledge)

OP posts:

WaxOnFeckOff · 04/01/2019 18:13

I had a big box in the wardrobe with baby stuff in and he didn’t look (to my knowledge)

I think if he has snooped you would have known based on current behaviour!

nicenewdusters · 04/01/2019 18:16

If he carries on sulking and doesn't apologise I'd ignore his birthday tomorrow. Tell him you too can't bear the idea of having to sit opposite him - a childish miserable little sulker. I'd also maybe tell him that baby number 3 has nil chance of happening, as sleeping with a sulky man child is about as sexy as playing with slime.

iklboo · 04/01/2019 19:17

Governess - very true

strawberrypenguin · 04/01/2019 19:25

YANBU he shouldn't have been snooping. You didn't deliberately tell him, he found out by himself.

ReturnofSaturn · 04/01/2019 19:29

Yes I also thought immediately that this could be down to his disappointment that it's a girl.

Drogosnextwife · 04/01/2019 19:29

I would need right up the stairs right now and tell himvyiu are cancelling his birthday because if his terrible behaviour and he needs to really have a think about his attitude. He wants to act like a child, treat him like one.

Scarydinosaurs · 04/01/2019 19:31

He thinks you are thick enough to fall for the ‘I’ll act cross and then she won’t notice I’ve been a twat’.

What a turd.

dontgobaconmyheart · 04/01/2019 19:32

Isn't it him that's technically betrayed your trust by sneaking into your online accounts and checking what you've been buying like some proper saddo . Change your passwords OP, and tell him you've done so because he clearly can't be trusted. Then show him this thread so he can see how much of a twat he is. You've done absolutely nothing wrong, the patronising way he's spoken to isn't actually alright, it's not just a case of 'oh hes just a knob'. God some men are so childish, I don't know how people lumbered with them cope, or why they normalise it.
I would tell him it's not acceptable to speak to you in that way OP, explain it is also not acceptable to take his disappointment that he caused out on you, or punish you for his own weird snooping gone wrong, and all of the above have made him look very immature. I hope he is embarrassed and apologises but I suspect he'll just turn up at some point expecting all to be normal, as is so often the case with people that behave like this

magoria · 04/01/2019 19:35

Change your eBay password so he can't go snooping.

TheNewYear · 04/01/2019 19:35

So rather than his birthday tomorrow being joyful knowing the scan showed a healthy baby, he is sulking?! Is he actually old enough to be a father?

Jamiefraserskilt · 04/01/2019 19:40

He's got some growing up to do before this baby arrives, starting with his teenage strop.
Don't poke about and you won't get disappointed by what you find.

ILoveChristmasLights · 04/01/2019 20:03

🤣😂🤣😂. Idiot.

I would have answered him as though speaking to an upset toddler. ‘Oh baby, I’m sorry, you must feel very cross that you’ve spoilt your own surprise. That’s what happens when you don’t have any self restraint’. Then 🙄🙄🙄 at him.

Suggest ignoring his birthday tomorrow because he has some growing up to do!

I’d be FURIOUS about finding out if I didn’t want to and I’d quite possibly lash out at DH (if it was his laptop/account) before giving my head a wobble and apologising. So you never know, he might catch himself on and apologise. Or not 😖

Claudia1980 · 04/01/2019 21:06

He sounds like an immature twat. Is he always this sulky and moody?

MidniteScribbler · 04/01/2019 21:06

Are you sure this bloke is old enough to father children?

PoutySprout · 04/01/2019 21:13

purchased a little white broderie anglaise dress and cardigan for the baby

Sounds like a practical purchase.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 04/01/2019 21:33

He reminds me of the little girl in a cartoon I once saw.

Standing there opposite her dazed-looking, slightly older brother, holding her toy and bawling her eyes out, shouting:

"Muuuuuuuummmmmmmyyyyyy!!!!!!!! Simon broke my dolly when I whacked him over the head with it!!!!!!"

Figgygal · 04/01/2019 21:37

That is a weird situation
One of you knowing and actively keeping it quiet but hey ho

Yup he's being stupid

wizzler · 06/01/2019 10:38

I agree with a pp. Change your passwords!

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