AIBU To think the Family Court is not fit for purpose?

[Notwiththeseknees]

The Judge has seen fit to name Ellie Yarrow, the mother who has fled with her three year old son. Reading the heartbreaking letter from Ellie that her sister posted on Facebook, AIBU to think that this secretive court who are responsible for some dreadful decisions, is no longer fit for purpose.

www.facebook.com/1311698241/posts/10216464513147988/

Worridmum. The reality is that the system is stacked in favour of wealthy abusive men.

I'm a lawyer and I was abused physically and emotionally by my exH (also a lawyer) for many years until I finally had a breakdown and he moved on to his next victim within 2 weeks. I was lucky enough to be able to afford to put a good lawyer between me and him and to have the knowledge and skills to fight the fucker. Even then it took over two years to get a court deal and he took me back again to court this year for no reason other than to be a shitty person and make sure he got attention and gratification. I fought him off again in court, but I know and he knows he will not stop until the day one of us dies.

Now try doing that as a young woman with no money, no solicitor because no legal aid and no legal skills and a vulnerable young child. Would you run in those circumstances? Damn right you would.

It is absolutely a failing of the family court that this was the only option she had and it is absolutely time that all family court cases and judgements were published using Child A, Parent B etc. Secrecy allows abusers to thrive.

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/03/14/family-court-secrecy-judges-get-away-mistakes-senior-judge-says/

www.spectator.co.uk/2017/09/the-sinister-power-of-britains-family-courts/

www.theguardian.com/society/2016/dec/30/family-courts-sir-james-munby-domestic-abuse-victims

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/04/10/ellie-butler-coroner-criticised-ruling-child-services-not-blame/

Very interesting articles, amongst many, that support the notion that the family courts are not currently fit for purpose.

The courts as a whole are not stacked in favour of any one group. Groups of mothers claim the courts are biased against them, groups of fathers claim the courts are biased against them.

What is more likely is that the courts are biased in favour of the status quo (which varies from family to family), and the courts fail to understand DV and emotional harm through parental alienation, and certain judges do a poor job either through bias or lack of being thorough.

And no, I wouldn’t run. It’s a short term solution with potentially disastrous consequences. I wouldn’t want me or my child to be on the run. That isn’t a childhood.

I find it very, very hard to believe that this is the only option she had. It might be the only option she felt she had, but it’s unlikely to have been the only option she actually had.

This website is very good for anyone who finds themselves involved with child protection - survivingsafeguarding.co.uk/

CitrusFruit spot on! You are the lucky one, as you have experience as a lawyer, imagine a young women with no experience, she is not being listened to by the judge, who describes her as a hysterical lady, who by her intelligence should have been able to talk herself out of her abuse, who ignores the hard evidence in front of him, to place a vulnerable young child in the care of a clearly abusive, aggressive and volatile man. She is deemed a flight risk, she is threatened with reverse residency if she does not comply with contact. Child does not want to go, he is only 5 and scared for his life.

Five years later, child is now 10 and she is still scared in case she does not comply with contact, despite it being very remote that her ds would be taken away from her. Despite her judge having retired several years ago., The FC system has fucked up her mind so much it is awful . I tell her that she does not have to let him go, that at 10 he is old enough to say make up his mind, but she will have none of it, as she is scared of the system that let her ds and her down so badly.

I hope people help her hide. After working for a woman's organisations I have no respect for family court. I believe in equality but some men should never set eyes on their children at all. I accept there is also woman who should not see their children either. The overwhelming need is to make sure children are with both parents, they don't take into account the horrendous things these people have done at all. It was eye opening to see the mistakes made in the name of equality.

Hearing of the fuck ups by the FC system, reading this about Ellie Yarrow, one wonders what made her so desparate. This could have well been my friend, but she was just too scared to run away, I don't think her ex would have charmed the public though, he was nasty and abusive to the judge in the FC and he was nasty and abusive to her and her ds.

You don’t need to wonder what made her so desperate; she has explained why she did what she did in her letter.

It sounds so similar to my friend MissMalice and others like her plight that I have come across. What with some FC judges believing in this debunked parental alienation thing, and applying it in their proceedings, with the deeply ingrained misogeny within the FC system, is a toxic mix.

Parental alienation is not debunked - that is a dangerous claim to make.

It is MissMalice!

legalnews.com/washtenaw/1401247

www.socialworktoday.com/archive/092109p26.shtml

It is a deeply flawed theory with no empirical evidence.

It most certainly is not.
CAFCASS have recently, finally, recognised it. It has also recently been added to the ICD11.

Perhaps you are referring to the specific theory of Parental Alienation Syndrome, the work of Richard Gardner. That is not the same as parental alienation.

There are parents that do make up malicious allegations in order to remove the child’s other parent from their life. That is serious emotional abuse and must be properly understood. To dismiss it as a concept leaves children at risk of serious harm.

Here is a whole database of studies: mc.vanderbilt.edu/pasg/citation-manager?combine=&field_type_of_citation_tid=All&field_language_tid=All&field_year_value_op=%3D&field_year_value%5Bvalue%5D%5Bdate%5D=&field_year_value%5Bmin%5D%5Bdate%5D=&field_year_value%5Bmax%5D%5Bdate%5D=&sort_by=title&sort_order=ASC&items_per_page=40

Ha ha CAFCASS the voice of reason! Isen't PAS based on Dr Gardner's discredited theory, I would not take a theory seriously when there is no empirical evidence to substantiate it. Yes there are, but in cases where there is evidence of DV and abuse, it should never be used.

As there is no empirical evidence, this theory should be approached with caution, and each reviewed by a case by case basis.

You’ve just repeated my own point. Dr Gardner’s theory has been criticised. That is Parental Alienation Syndrome. That is different to parental alienation. I then linked you to loads of studies.

Each case is reviewed on a case by case basis.

If you have a 90% chance even of a residence order in your favour but 100% if you run away you can see why some people go for the run away option.

Asking why she would offer 50/50 care to a person who physically chastised her child is a very valid question. Equally as valud as asking why would he refuse it. We know why he probably refused it, but not why she would offer it.

Except we don’t know that he did refuse it.

Thing is MissMalice it has been used improperly by the court system, and abusers use it to further abuse their victim,and manipulate the situation in their favour. Abusive men do not necessarily want contact with the child, it is a game to them, and part of their control after their abused partner has left them, using the court system to further their abuse. This has be recognised.

www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/parental-alienation-used-as-secret-weapon-in-custody-battles-says-expert-1.4663869

I know why she would offer 50/50 as I would too in her situation as 50 % of seeing your child, is better in her eyes than losing him. She knows this man will take her to court and play to win no matter what. She knows he will destroy her no matter what.

She was doing it to appease him as she has been taught to do by years of conditioning by him.

I know as I'm so conditioned myself. I have run 100 miles away. My husband would destroy me given half the chance and the only way to have a future is to move away. He is happy to divorce now but continually tells me if I move on and want to remarry he will kill me. I am to sit waiting for him. His words.

I am so conditioned I went back most times but this time I must break away. For heaven sake he abuses me in every way and tried to kill me but I'm so conditioned I did not involve the police and I choose the course of action to move away instead.

I do not trust the family court or the police, I studied law and saw it in action in my childhood and I know it is stacked against girls and women and more so when they come from certain backgrounds and races.

I also had my difficulties and my husband uses this against me even one time when my daughter called the police. It was all blamed on me and he actually went to a Dr to discuss me and had it documented by this Doctor that his wife was suffering mental health difficulties that caused him stress and to lash out at her (Me) and that he needed help because of me.

I know he may involve the courts but not yet as he doesn't understand them as English is not his first language. If he did then my case would be in court right now.

Ellie if you read this. I hope someone is helping you.

But people with no experience of domestic abuse and coercive control would not recognise why she may have offered him 50/50. But they could easily read more about it all and educate themselves.

Camapign by Woman's Aid

www.womensaid.org.uk/childfirst/

Asking why she would offer 50/50 care to a person who physically chastised her child is a very valid question. Equally as valud as asking why would he refuse it. We know why he probably refused it, but not why she would offer it.

Fear. Appeasement of her abuser. This is part of the dynamic of abusive relationships.

But people with no experience of domestic abuse and coercive control would not recognise why she may have offered him 50/50. But they could easily read more about it all and educate themselves.

This.

Aero you clearly have strong feelings and no doubt based in harrowing experiences. There are definitely cases of DV where the abuser falsely claims PA where the child is justifiably rejecting the abusive parent.

What is also true is that in some cases parental alienation does happen and is extremely damaging to the child. It is not helpful to dismiss it as a concept.

As I have already said, it is vital that those involved have a proper understanding of both DV and PA so they can differentiate between the two and respond in the child’s best interests.