AIBU To think the Family Court is not fit for purpose?

[Notwiththeseknees]

The Judge has seen fit to name Ellie Yarrow, the mother who has fled with her three year old son. Reading the heartbreaking letter from Ellie that her sister posted on Facebook, AIBU to think that this secretive court who are responsible for some dreadful decisions, is no longer fit for purpose.

www.facebook.com/1311698241/posts/10216464513147988/

Worridmum upon what do you base your assertion that the courts are stacked in favour of the mother? Is this based on your own experience? I have been to court several times with an abusive ex and the problem is actually that it's the opposite. The court is too much in favour of maintaining contact with fathers without understanding the consequences. That is my experience and that is what the majority of posters here are also saying.

MissMalice my comments were based on my experience - possibly biased but likely not incorrect.

According to the posts the mothers family put up this has been in the courts for over a year and half, it looks like the mother Ellie had been living with her own mother for two years or so.
Iam really struggling to see what she was running from other than the law itself......was she saying she is not safe whilst living at her own mothers address, her letter is written in such a way that it indicates she was running from the relationship yet she had not been in one for around two years. This makes little sense

“Likely not incorrect”?

I could have written her letter when my dd was 6 months old. I left her dad for similar reasons. He threatened to take her to Thailand (he’s not from there, just the most remote place he could think of!) and I had a special injunction taken out that’s only just lifted now she is 16 so he couldn’t get a passport for her or take her out of the country. I was absolutely terrified. These so called Dads don’t give a shit about their kids. It’s all about control.

Missmalce
It states in the letter that she was running because the courts had stopped her previously taking the child away........this would be a very worrying marker indeed to any judge reading the letter as it is a very clear indication that she will never adhere to any court orders made by any court.

It shows that he knew how to use the system. Going on holiday without permission was one down to her, one up to him. These kinds of men use every opportunity

This is ridiculous. No-one forced her to go on holiday without permission.

Look at it the other way round. Suppose a father took his child out of the country without permission. If the mother posted on here, we'd all be urging her to see a solicitor, go to court, go to the embassy, do whatever it takes to get her child back. We wouldn't be saying "No, you mustn't do that, it would be mean, you'd be taking advantage of him."

The mothers family have really messed up sharing that letter in the public domain for so many reasons. It’s not hard to see many inconsistencies and conflicting information that will be picked up very easily by such people as will read it in the family courts.

Saturdaynext
That’s a very good point and for the court to make sure she and the child was ordered back to the country previously would indicate much more going on in the background previously to that incident.

Fairylea your situation is entirely different. In this scenario it’s the mother that has been stopped from taking the child away. I’m glad the courts acted appropriately to protect your daughter.

From my years practicing family law father goes to court for access mother fights it tooth and nails costs him shit tons of money (mother can self repersent so no cost). Courts find in fathers favour mum refuses to obind by court order so back to court he goes and courts rarely ever award costs for punish the RP until the 6th or 7th tine back to court (years of fighting 10.000s spent on legal fees before the court will even think about using its powers to force the RP to obind to a court order by then most fathers have run out of money so mothers win because they dont have the costs courts dont use their powers unitl the 6 or 7th blaint ignoring of the court order before they even conisider ordering a cost order or change of residence.

So please dont say the courts are not stacked in the RP because it blatantly is.

My comment has been taken completely out of context about her going on holiday. I'm saying she was stupid to go on that holiday and the fact that she couldn't see that made it easy for her ex to be the good guy. I have said she has made a mistake going against the system. He has worked with the system and that is going to look better for him in the long run whatever her allegations are. If you have allegations to make, as I always say on here, go to the police or SS. The courts and Cafcass have no interest in allegations otherwise.

At the time of the holiday she seemingly had no plans to run off...just give her child a nice holiday. It speaks volumes that she was ordered back when there was a flight already booked three days later.

Instead of asking why she was happy with 50/50 contact if he was abusive we should instead he asking why he refused this.

Her letter speaking of pretending to he asleep so he might leave her alone instead of forcing sex on her reminds me only too realistically of my own experience of aexual abuse. That's what she describes.

Fairylee
What seems to be happening here is a parent that is acting in similar fashion to your ex, in fact acting to such an extreme it’s quite ridiculous and has done much much more than simply threaten to abduct the child. Because it’s a mother doing this rather than a father it seems you support her actions.

But neither party has to spend anything more than the application fee? The NRP can also not return a child from contact and it's not easy for the RP to get them back either.

No, I didn’t mean my comment that way, I am saying that I recognise how awful it is to be in such a controlling and abusive relationship that you are frightened to lose your child- whether that’s to Thailand or to a foster family or due to the court. The fear is real and is dreadful. He sounds very bullying, which is how my ex was.

It isent fit for purpose, some judges really shouldent be presiding. Even Judge Mumby said something of the same effect, that there needs to be drastic changes to bring it in line with criminal courts. How is it right that an abusive partner is allowed to cross examine their abused partner. There is a lot of misogeny still heavily ingrained in the family court system.

Dolores - it speaks volumes in that it’s very unusual and therefore likely that she had booked the holiday without permission.

We have no idea whether she offered 50/50 or when or why and whether the father agreed with this or not or why. Her own letter says offered every weekend, not 50:50. It also says she asked the court to be able to move away from where she was living. That’s unlikely to go hand in hand with 50/50.

Delores can you please explain how you know the father turned down 50/50 shared care or how you know if it was ever offered by the mother?

It’s totally wrong that an alleged abusive partner cross examines an alleged victim. That’s a widely recognised failing of the court. The courts themselves don’t have the power to change that - that has to be changed by government which they’ve declined to do so far.

I know that feeling of being scared too. I felt the same way. In this situation I think the people around her and the advice she's been given have hindered rather than helped her. She's been misled. If she had offered 50:50, or even less and gone to court with no arsing around from the beginning it would probably have gone her way.

I accept both those points MissMalice as sadly this case seems to have lots of stuff going on.

Again the loser will be the child.

I suspect they are not in the UK if she's been able to avoid detection.

It says so in the letter...she offered 50/50 care and he refused this.

Family Court is not fit for purpose.

I really hope they're safe and very far away.

To be clear I don't know either the girl or her ex. A work colleague knows her via a friend who went on the same holiday.

Pay as you go phone would solve the “not used her mobile” issue. Also, if she were my sister I would open up a bank account in my name and give her the card to use...pretty easily done. Family could be paying money into this account for her. They could also have put the rent in their name. I’d do all that for my sister if she were running from an abusive ex. It would take some planning but I am excellent at that. She might have brilliant support from her own family.