Hi, I know weddings also focus strongly on this board but I’m feeling really down about my situation.
Started planning wedding with my OH July 2017 after a short engagement (we had been together 2 and a half years by this point and have a daughter together) We found a lovely wedding venue and booked for the following June 2018.
Everything was ok for the first few months we both were very excited and were really enjoying the planning stages even though we were both very busy, OH runs a business and I work for him, 3 months in the cracks in planning the wedding started to show, we had booked somewhere with a capacity of 60 and I had repeatedly asked my OH if 30 would be enough for his side he said yes, anyway it wasn’t! In order to Accomodate his side my numbers dropped to 9 including myself and my kids, he was paying for most of it so I felt like I didn’t have a say, then he complained about how much everything was costing I think basically he wanted a champagne wedding on a lemonade budget (we have money so the budget wasn’t a thing) it was almost like he resented it.
We had chosen a humanist ceremony as we’d had one for our daughters naming ceremony and loved it, with the plan to nip to the register office before hand to get officially married, when I have tried to book the register office he always made excuses. During this time his close friend was going through a divorce, he also ran a business and it came to light that his ex wife was entitled to a portion of his business, this was shocking news to my OH and was completely flabbergasted as to how she could be entitled to anything from his business! This is a story for prenups I suppose. Ok so it’s now about Novenmber 2017 everything is booked dress is ordered, invites cakes etc etc it’s been stressful there has been arguments and the conversation slips back to needing to book the register office to which my OH proclaims he has no intention of marrying me! He says he hadn’t realised that if we should divorce he had no idea I was entitled to so much of his wealth/ business.
He does however want to continue with the day and the humanist ceremony... a fake wedding! As he feels it would be far to embarrassing to cancel and tell everyone. By December 2017 and a thousands arguments later everything has been cancelled with the loss of around £8000 in fees and deposits. I am devestated and humiliated but I could go through with a fake wedding a felt as tho I was deceiving people, We made up so well choreographed story about moving house and running a business and not having time to plan our wedding and nobody really questioned it.
Novenber 2018 he’s asks me to marry him, January 2019 he wants to know why I haven’t started planning anything yet... I am terrified the same thing will happen again, I love him we have a good life and we are happy, but I don’t think I can marry him..