To betray my friend..?

[hungery]

I'll try and keep this as short as possible... I wrote a post about this situation the other day.
So I've always had 2 close friends, friend 1 and friend 2. Friend 1 had a serious DP who she lived with, unmarried, no children, and he was always close to me and friend 2 as well.
Friend 1 and friend 2 have both been really good friends - but friend 2 has been there an unimaginable amount for me but I've got a lot closer with friend 1.
Now, mid last year, friend 1's DP left her out of the blue for friend 2. She is still angry 7 months later, and I inevitably chose sides and due to the weight of the situation, haven't spoke to friend 2 since.
I got in contact with friend 2 last week as I felt I owed it to her after how much and how selflessly she's been there for me for 10+ years. I haven't told friend 1 and she'd be angry if she knew I'd be in touch.

Now, I've been going through a really hard time lately and friend 1 has hyped me up about a weekend out (rare for me) this weekend. She's now started making a few excuses about why she might not be able to come. She knows how much I needed it and she's still being a bit flaky regarding plans.
Would it be really bad to contact friend 2 to come and have a night with me to cheer me up if friend 1 cancels? Friend 1 would be livid if she knew I'd gone out with her but she also knows how much I need a night to let my hair down and is still making excuses.

Hope this makes sense!! It was a bit confusing to write so well done if you made it to the end!

You are that desperate to let your hair down and in doing so, you would hurt a friend?

There has been no rekindled friendship with friend 2. I just contacted her to say merry Christmas, happy new year and to say I hope she's okay. I wouldn't rekindle a friendship sneakily behind friend 1's back

Would it be really bad to contact friend 2 to come and have a night with me to cheer me up if friend 1 cancels?

These 2 statements are contradictory! Inviting someone in a night out even if your only using her as a backup friend is rekindling a friendship!

@itswinetime no, I agree at that point it would be a rekindled friendship at friend 1 would know. But now, I haven't rekindled anything, and as I stated before, I most likely won't anyway, I'm just getting wrapped up in my own issues.

I don't really accept that I'm an awful friend! I never ask anyone to be there for me. Neither have children, I have a child and a DP and had him young so had to grow up very fast. I've always pushed my issues aside for friend 1 as I'm fully aware she needs me when she's going through a bad time, I just wish I could reach out to her once and for her to be there for me 100% too!

Have you got any other friends that you can socialise with?

Friend 1 is probably still reeling from friend 2 shacking up with her partner. Friend 2 is possibly busy due to shacking up with said partner.

I can see why you want to stay on civil terms with friend 2, that bit is fine. But going away with her instead of friend 1 seems something of a betrayal. Don't do it.

@HowlsMovingBungalow I don't. Friend 1 was the one who enthusiastically suggested a night out and planned it all and then started making excuses 2 days before even though I know she's out tomorrow. Friend 2 wouldn't be 'busy', I know she'd be there if I asked as that's what she's always been like for 14 years!

If it feels like betrayal it probably is

@floribunda18 thank you - I think I got my answer from here anyway. I'm not ruling out a rekindled friendship with friend 2 but it's probably way too soon without making things worse for friend 1. I was just having a moment feeling awful this week and being let down on something I was looking forward to.

What excuses is she making? Maybe she genuinely may not be able to make it, things do come up.

I wouldn’t take sides but would remain friends with both of them.

@WhenISnappedAndFarted not feeling well, losing her ID (she doesn't look much older than 18, but I know she has spares)... but she's made plans for tomorrow!

Was your new year’s resolution to screw over friends who’ve already had a shit time? If so, go right ahead!4

Friend 2 wouldn't be 'busy', I know she'd be there if I asked as that's what she's always been like for 14 years!

Have you actually listened to yourself?!

The more you type, the worse you sound.

I think F2 had a lucky escape when you binned her off, and like F1 has got your number!

Hopefully, the dumping of F2 has shown her your true colours.

This is why 3s a crowd.

You fucking are rekindling it.

You reached out to friend 2 and now you're considering inviting her out how is that not rekindling?

I posted on your other thread and you ignored pretty much everyone on it. Probably because it didn't give you the advice you wanted. Which was it's probably not a good idea to get back in touch with friend 2.

Do what you want, be friends with who you want, your going to anyway so stop bothering to ask advice about it.

Just be honest about it because friend 1 might be a shit friend (if your other thread is anything to go by) but she's already had one out of three of you betray her, do you really want it to look like you both did.

If I were friend 1 and found out you were spending time with friend 2 I'd be pretty hurt - it would seem to me that you were approving or forgiving her.
If I were friend 2 I'd be annoyed that you were using me as a back-up plan just for one night and then dumping me again.
Think on.

Poor friend one. She's lost her partner, one of her best friends, and now probably you too.
I don't really understand why you would want to maintain a friendship with friend 2 anyway, you know she's capable of betraying a close friend so how can you ever trust her?

Friend 2 has been an absolute bastard I take it she was having an affair with her friends partner for a while prior to him leaving , I wouldn’t want a scumbag like that as a friend . I wouldn’t forgive you if you were able to push that aside so you had someone to go out with .

I never once said I'd be dumping friend 2 again after one night, nor would I be doing it sneakily.

Please go out with Friend 2. Sounds like you’re perfectly matched in morals and respect for Friend 1.

I hear you OP. The one time you need Friend 1 she isn’t there for you.

The more you talk the more it's reads to me like you like friend 2 better because she has always been there for you and supported you. If you had had a choice where neither was wrong you would have picked her. As it is you sides with the wronged party but every know and again have some regrets like now!

Friend 2 did a bad thing in guessing there was an affair even if it was an emotional one. But before you start dipping in and out of her life as it suits you 2 wrongs don't make a right! Just because she did wrong doesn't make it ok if you do!

But she might be there for you, she hasn't cancelled yet.

@greendale17 that's exactly how I feel. I'm more than happy to be there - and I am there - anytime she needs. And that's before what happened too. It's literally the first time in so long I've needed her to be there for me and she's letting me down last minute when she's fully aware of the circumstances too. I feel like I have a right to be upset and disappointed. I've completely decided against contacting friend 2 for now anyway but I still feel let down and a bit lost.