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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my friend isn't really depressed?

121 replies

louiserh33 · 03/01/2019 14:47

I'm speaking as someone who's battled depression for years ...
She got dumped after 3 months from her boyfriend ..the next day couldn't sleep and went to the doctors and asked for anti depressants.
She started them for 4 months ...her ex text her one day and she got back with him.
Two days later stopped the anti depressants and never mentioned depression again,said she was cured.
Friday her boyfriend dumped her again..
She went to the doctors and started the anti depressants again and got a month long sick note.
This ain't depression is it?

OP posts:
MonsterTequila · 03/01/2019 22:30

I know someone who committed suicide after being dumped. I suppose he was just pretending too eh? Angry
Don’t be ridiculous OP, she was obviously struggling which is why she went to the doctor. You’re not in her head, you don’t get to measure the severity of how badly she felt.
You don’t sound like a friend, and yes you do sound very unkind & ignorant.

poppiesallykatie · 03/01/2019 23:20

@MonsterTequila, re-read the timeframes in the original post.

Frequency · 03/01/2019 23:42

I have reactional/situational depression which when left to fester spirals into full on depression like you describe.

I've lost decades of my life to it. I almost sunk into another slump recently after loosing my income and being forced to rely on friends and family for food and power.

This time my mother recognised the warning signs pretty early on and started muttering things about seeing the GP. I ess too despondant to listen and spiralled deeper. After four days of wallowing in my own filth, skipping college because I did not have the physical or mental will to get dressed, suffering headaches, letheragy, numbness and binge eating she literally dragged me to the GP.

After two weeks of AD I was back at college and once again practising personal hygiene. The headaches, lethargy and sickness stopped. The anxiety still troubles me at night.

I'm still taking the AD because the situation is still ongoing. I dare say if my income was suddenly restored i would no longer need the AD. I would still have reactions depression and anxiety. I wouldn't be cured. It will always be lurking, waiting to pull me down when life piles up on me. Maybe if I was more like your friend and was proavtive in going to the GP when things went wrong I wouldn't lose years, months or weeks of my life to depression symptoms.

poppiesallykatie · 04/01/2019 02:01

I call bullshit on that @Frequency. If your Mam was dead tomorrow, what would you do? No bail out available, no personal call?

poppiesallykatie · 04/01/2019 02:04

People on here use the terms anxiety and depression to validate using and abusing people. It is a horrible yet safe place to put yourself.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 04/01/2019 02:05

Depression isn’t a competition.

MrsFoxPlus4 · 04/01/2019 02:06

You also don’t need to be friends with someone who’s causing you such an inconvenience. Wish her well and move along if it’s an issue

GlitterStick · 04/01/2019 02:07

You call bullshit on someone opening up about their experience of depression?!
Wow, this place is poisonous sometimes.

poppiesallykatie · 04/01/2019 02:08

And always someone backs you up, 'i.e you don't understand depression, or anxiety, or you are so politically incorrect... everybody can feel the way they do, stop blaming others and transferring a load on to them'. Have to start a thread about this.

poppiesallykatie · 04/01/2019 02:10

@Glitterstick, I know all about depression, I would never use it as an excuse

poppiesallykatie · 04/01/2019 02:14

Yes I all bullshit, that is only poison because of your own perception.

GlitterStick · 04/01/2019 02:15

You might never use it as an excuse but you certainly know how to call bullshit to someone you think isn't doing depression or anxiety "right."
Angry
What would she do if her mum was dead? FFS. What a ridiculous (nasty) question.
Presumably if she had noone close to recognise the signs it would spiral and become worse as we don't always see it in ourselves straight away or accept it and get help.

poppiesallykatie · 04/01/2019 02:21

You have an individual coming on here saying the OP is a prick basically (my words) because 'a person they know' (i.e. not a close friend) committed suicide after a break up; Making her feel worse and such an ignorant, unsubstantiated comment. Rarely do people commit suicide over a breakup and if they do they had some form of longterm depression anyway.

poppiesallykatie · 04/01/2019 02:22

I she could not support her through long-term depression, then her friend was 'popping a pill', it is that simple.

poppiesallykatie · 04/01/2019 02:29

@glitterstick, if her mam or dad were dead, is a valid question? Don't get cross with me, answer that? Seen it all play out and the same questions have been on here this week... So what would you suggest or being very incisive, what way would that play out, or what would you recommend?

poppiesallykatie · 04/01/2019 02:31

your answer is not allowed to have the word therapy in it Wink

M3lon · 04/01/2019 02:52

Its certainly possible the friend of the OP was in severe mental difficulty post dumping...but that wouldn't make it depression. There is a clinical definition of depression and you can't meet it after one day.

None of that means she shouldn't have gone to the doctors or even started AD...but she didn't have clinical depression.

In general people do misuse the term and it does no good for those who actually have depression. Its very similar to the 'I'm a bit OCD' BS going around at the moment. ITs very poor form to pathologise either sadness or over interest in cleaning.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/01/2019 03:27

I have had clinical depression. I thought afterwards I was having a breakdown and I think i got close. It was horrendous and took a long time to get over even with help from a clinical psychologist. I have since felt the need a couple of times for ads before getting this low again and saw a CP again to help cope with my chronic pain - although he worked beyond his remit.

GPS do tend to give out ads relatively easily often to help people out before clinical depression takes hold. In many cases with justification. In this case, I would frame it in your head that the gp would rather get rid of mildly depressive feelings before full blown depression takes hold.

Your friend doesn’t sound very nice or understanding. I’ve had this from family and other people about my chronic illness. I’m faking it. I’m not disabled etc. Funny how an occupational therapist disagrees...

@Becca19962014
Idk if you have pain. The way I accessed a 1-2-1 with a CP was through pain management. It did take years to get there and was only offered once all other avenues (ie pain meds had failed). I’m truly disgusted you were refused treatment because you’re just chronically ill. Flowers

OkPedro · 04/01/2019 03:34

Wow you're no friend!
I was very depressed as a teenager due to SA. I never went to a doctor. I was suicidal after my 2nd dc. My point is you haven't a fuckn clue what goes on in your friends head. Your experience of depression isn't anyone else's. What are your "reasons" for your depression?
Imagine someone questioning why you are depressed? You're the reason there is a stigma

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/01/2019 04:37

OkPedro
I think it was the friend, who was dismissive of op first. Perhaps her upset is misguided. But she is not responsible for the stigma. Shock

malificent7 · 04/01/2019 04:48

Being dumped is not just sadness ...it's devastating op.

poppiesallykatie · 04/01/2019 05:22

Being dumped is 'sadness' and also devastating. But as'M3lon said Its certainly possible the friend of the OP was in severe mental difficulty post dumping...but that wouldn't make it depression. There is a clinical definition of depression and you can't meet it after one day.

this with bells on, that is not even trying to cope emotionally; take a pill for a breakup. I have seen the devastation that depression + causes and a breakup with a pill prescription because a person can't cope is just a joke. No-one leaves this world because of one break up. Those who believe they do, never knew that person in the first place.

poglets · 04/01/2019 05:26

It really has nothing to do with you OP. You have your own mental health to deal with. If your friendship with this woman damages your esteem or mental health then you should knock it on the head. Otherwise, mind your own business.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 04/01/2019 05:37

That she feels so desperate and runs to her GP in a panic isn’t the sign of someone who manages well and what is it they are fearing

I would never dismiss when someone says they are depressed because I am not a mind reader

Some of the most depressed people I have worked with you would never ever know even their partners are unaware that every day is a battle for them, that thoughts of suicide are daily and they are utterly miserable

NonExistentFox · 04/01/2019 06:18

In general people do misuse the term and it does no good for those who actually have depression. Its very similar to the 'I'm a bit OCD' BS going around at the moment. ITs very poor form to pathologise either sadness or over interest in cleaning.

Yes. Plus I think there's the expectation that one ought to be happy, it's seen as the norm or a virtue to aspire to, so the instant you're not you think you're malfunctioning and get a pill to fix it.

OP knows her friend and knows depression. She knows better than us what the truth is likely to be.

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