To think my friend isn't really depressed?

[louiserh33]

I'm speaking as someone who's battled depression for years ...
She got dumped after 3 months from her boyfriend ..the next day couldn't sleep and went to the doctors and asked for anti depressants.
She started them for 4 months ...her ex text her one day and she got back with him.
Two days later stopped the anti depressants and never mentioned depression again,said she was cured.
Friday her boyfriend dumped her again..
She went to the doctors and started the anti depressants again and got a month long sick note.
This ain't depression is it?

There are different types of depression though. You would have what is called clinical depression, which does not necessarily have a known cause or reason. She is suffering from reactive depression, which is as it sounds, a reaction to a sad event.

Try not to make a competition out of mental illness, because winning is losing really and that is not good or healthy for anyone.

And the OP is being unkind. Quite possibly for misguided reasons, but nonetheless they're judging someone else who is suffering.

Now she has the awareness to turn it around and either support her friend, or realise that she's not a friend at all (due to friend's previous actions) and walk away.

Yabu. Stressful events can trigger depression. I had pnd. Perhaps if I had been able to go back to being childless, getting a full nights sleep etc I would have been ‘cured’ but that wasn’t an option so I took ads and muddled through the best I could.
You could maybe help encourage your friend to develop other areas of her life so she doesn’t pour everything into her relationship which might help her not crash so much the next time her bf dumps her.

Since when has being utterly miserable because you have been dumped a “ mental illness”?

If someone were to kill themselves over being dumped, what would you think then? Also, can you include your medical qualifications next time, because otherwise it just sounds like horrible ignorance being unnecessarily spread about the vulnerable.

I was recently suffering with stress and anxiety which was linked to my job and I went to the GP as I really was struggling to cope, but I knew my problem was situational and I just needed a break from that situation. The GP was lovely and let me talk through everything. He agreed I needed some time away from my job and signed me off and then tentatively asked if I wanted/ needed anything else. He was pleasantly surprised when I said I would rather use counselling and a bit of a break to try and sort myself out mentally rather than pills. He implied that most people seemed to expect pills! My thoughts are that pills should be a last resort for those people who are clinically depressed and really need them - not something you should request from the GP when things get a bit tough!

For me it might be different to her.
Everyday for a year now has seemed pointless,I don't want to be alone but I do.
I want to go out but I'm scared to go out so then I feel worse because I feel like I'm failing.
I cry all the time,half the time for unknown reasons.
I just feel empty and I honestly believe my life will always feel this way.
I feel pathetic for being weak.
I love when it's dark so I can just close my eyes and escape.
I'm just a mess.

Then my friend comes along and bang cured.
It was like rubbing shit in a wound.

If someone were to kill themselves over being dumped, what would you think then
That they had existing issues or something like bpd
A mentally healthy otherwise person would not kill themselves because of being dumped.

www.elementsbehavioralhealth.com/mood-disorders/situational-depression/

@Fucking
PND is totally different and not just feeling sad because youve had a baby. Its a complex mental illness requiring quite specific treatment

Thanks for the info. I’ve only suffered from it twice severely so obviously know nothing

Depression is pathological sadness. Not all sadness is pathological. YANBU on the current evidence.

Perhaps your friend, in her own personal state of mind, sees the excitement and comfort she feels from the relationship as 'being well again'? It's entirely plausible. I stopped my antidepressants when I started feeling good and excited with a lovely guy I met - I suddenly had felt better, not quite relating it really, and though that I was ok... Yeah, I wasn't but for some daft reason I thought how I felt at that time meant I was better

I think the attitude towards "reactional depression" is very wrong. I lost someone last year to suicide and at their inquest the crisis team rep said their depression wasn't "true depression" as they were bereaved and had cancer so though they'd attempted repeatedly and told them what they were going to do, when and how, it wasn't in their remit to do anything but refer to cruse/Macmillan - both of whom had referred her to crisis services.

My friend is still dead, regardless of the "type of depression". She'd had severe depression for over forty years and been sectioned repeatedly, however, this time it was deemed "just a reaction" so didn't qualify.

The mental health team, GPs and hospital all got slammed by the coroner as they all said the same thing at her inquest.

Today my referral for an urgent mental health assessment for severe depression was rejected as I'm disabled (chronic deterioating illness) and in a lot of pain so it's just a reaction and not illness.

bigredmachine but with that logic people should never feel extreme sadness just in case they kill themselves then?
It totally belies people that have clinical depression that is extremely difficult to treat with self help or resilance.
We are trying to get away from overmedicating physical illness. The focus now is on prevention and holistic methods because medication has side effects and long term effects. Why advocate for medical intervention for mental illness. Anti depressants aren’t the mental equivalent to paracetamol.

I have taken antidepressants, once after my marriage ended, the pain was emence even though I was the one that ended it, the feeling of guilt I had (tearing my family apart, making dh homeless) was just too much to handle, I only took the pills for a month, I then felt I didn’t need them.

I took them again after I got into an abusive relationship and things ended really badly, I was really low (almost suicidal), at the time I honestly felt awful and could see no way back up. Looking back now I feel really stupid because I feel like it was a small part of my life and that I recovered quite quickly (at the time I thought I would never recover).

My point is, you don’t know what’s going on in her head, some people hit rock bottom pretty fast after a relationship ending, there’s also a chance she was depressed before it ended and it took a lot of guts to finish it. She may feel utterly shit but a month or so later might feel on top of the world, it’s not your place to decide if she’s depressed or not. People suffer depresssion in different ways, sometimes it can last a few weeks, other times a life time.

Its easier for GPs to push pills at you. 2 years ago I went off work with stress and requested a counselling appointment. I had loads of problems so yes could be situational. But couselling appointment was made with 2 months wait. After a month I felt no better and was offered ADs. I had a rare and severe reaction to them in that they sent me totally manic with wild mood swings. I eventually ended up in hospital. So pills aren’t to be taken lightly. Trouble is counselling/talk therapy isn’t always immediately availabe. By the time my appointment came through I was already very ill. Its a shame but the pills are often pushed as a short term solution to what may be long term problems. I hope your friend is feeling better and this isn’t spoiling your friendship.

"I just know if I text her today her depression will be fine"

How on earth would you know that? You have no way of knowing.
She could be telling you she's fine but falling apart inside.
You don't sound like you like her very much.
As a pp said, it's not depression top Trumps.
Everyone's different.

I'm sympathetic with your feelings but try not to compare too much. Your friend may have an underlying mental health issue which just snaps when she hits a crisis and bounces back. That wouldn't be true depression in my world either but she's clearly vulnerable.

It’s not about you.

You don’t sound like a friend at all.

Language is probably part of the problem here. We all say things are depressing or that we feel depressed at times when we actually mean we are fed up and the news is gloomy.

So it’s entirely possible your friend was feeling depressed that her boyfriend dumped her and told her doctor she feels depressed. They ask standard questions within their short appointment and she ticks enough boxes to be given anti depressants. Hence she’s now officially depressed.

Support her if you can to understand that feelings are normal and real and feeling really sad and unhappy is sometimes a normal state of affairs.

You feeling annoyed is understandable but in reality it doesn’t impact on your health so let it go as dwellon it will only make you feel worse.

You sound jealous, from that last post. Just be a good friend - no judgement, no jealously. Just be there for her, and if you can't hack her feelings, dump her, if that is going to make you feel better.

SheWoreBlueVelvet

I can't imagine how you came to that conclusion from my post?

I understand where you are coming from OP and why it is making you upset. If she hasn't been supportive of you with long-term depression as you have said, it really does trivialise your condition. It's like someone who has had a cancer 'scare', (the fear, the worry, all that is involved and then the biopsy comes back, well actually you'll be fine), talking on the same level and with the same experience as someone who has had, the fear, the worry, the you are not fine, the treatment, the prognosis and the living reality of living or dying.