To think my friend isn't really depressed?

[louiserh33]

I'm speaking as someone who's battled depression for years ...
She got dumped after 3 months from her boyfriend ..the next day couldn't sleep and went to the doctors and asked for anti depressants.
She started them for 4 months ...her ex text her one day and she got back with him.
Two days later stopped the anti depressants and never mentioned depression again,said she was cured.
Friday her boyfriend dumped her again..
She went to the doctors and started the anti depressants again and got a month long sick note.
This ain't depression is it?

It has already been explained to you that depression can be reactional.

If she has difficulty coping with adjustment it may even be symptomatic of a more complex condition such as borderline personality disorder. (I'm not suggesting she does, rather that there are endless connotations to what you describe).

Or she might have a history of mental health issues that you are not aware of (and you have no right to be aware of them).

Your friend may be really suffering. How bad would you feel if you knew that she was, and you chose to trivialise her condition because it's not the same as yours?

Sorry, it’s a medically recognised thing, it’s called reactive depression and it means the sufferer reacts to events in a way which is out of the normal range of emotions. It’s actually very common.

Please don’t fall into the trap of mental health top trumps OP. Mental health is such a difficult topic and it isn’t unusual to seek validation that your own issues are Actual Illness and therefore not your fault (which is true obviously) but you don’t need to disprove others genuity to validate yourself.
Stay well OP.

She has trivialised my condition many times over the years,maybe that's why I'm annoyed with it all.
She told me 5 years ago I had to snap out of my panic attack ...

It's like when people with super shit lives say they are depressed. I'm sure their life is super depressing living on the 13th floor of a scary tower block, with a chronic health condition, with no money, in a one bed flat with 4 children all of who have SEN - but taking tablets isn't going to fix your life.

Many people confuse sadness with every day events, with depression. And many medics seem to endorse this confusion

And many disregard genuine illness as an every day event, until such time as a person is in crisis and needs far more help than if they were supported in the first place.

Her trivialising your condition is not acceptable, why are you still friends with her? (And why not mention it earlier?)

Given that you know how demeaning it is to trivialise mental illness, surely you would not do that to somebody else? To do so would just make you equally ignorant.

You realise she might be telling you a load of shite but dropping the mask and telling her doctor the actual truth?

She has trivialised my condition many times over the years,maybe that's why I'm annoyed with it all.
She told me 5 years ago I had to snap out of my panic attack ...

So she's may not be a very nice person. Are you sure you actually like her? You don't have to stay friends.

@Bombardier25966 you mentioned about me trivialising her condition,so it felt like the right time to mention the history.

You're not a medical professional.
You're not qualified to say whether or not anyone is depressed.
Your retelling of her story is done in a way to minimise her feelings.

What exactly do you want here?

A thread of people going, "yeah, sounds like she's full of it, not like you, you incredible, brave, wonderful person"?

Take a step back from your friend, because your attitude healthy or helpful for either of you.

I would have thought that someone with mental health concerns of their own would be more understanding and compassionate.

Disgusting.

You could be right but there's really no way of knowing. Just because she was pleased they got back together doesn't mean she hasn't been depressed the whole time - some horrendously depressed and suicidal people appear perfectly happy outwardly. Maybe her mental state has been generally precarious and getting dumped sends her to a dangerous place. Maybe she is just very silly.

I would try to separate it all from your own experience of depression as there's not much for you to gain from a comparison (except frustration!). Even if you're right it doesn't need to be an insult, it's just good that she's been dramatic and isn't struggling to the extent that you have.

But if she really is utterly insensitive and doesn't care a jot about the years of depression you have suffered, whilst stringing the GP along, then perhaps 'friend' isn't the right word to describe her, in which case that is the bigger problem here.
Seems a less likely scenario though, so I would wonder if your own depression is making you a little oversensitive about the situation...

Why are you friends with her?

You aren't her doctor and you can't judge.

You don't sound like she is a friend.

Two wrongs do not make a right.

I've had people take the piss out of my condition and the limitations it brings, but then they've experienced hard times and become more aware of how mental illness can affect you. I've never felt the urge to play down their issues because that would be a really unkind thing to do.

Plus I don't want them to experience what I've been through. If they are going to experience mental health issues - and most will at some point - I'd hope that they are short term and not life changing.

I don't mean to sound unkind
I'm really not unkind
I can't even explain why I'm worked up about it
It's just I know if he text her today her depression would be fine.
I wish mine was that easy

When I was diagnosed with severe depression, my Mother told me she had been 'depressed for half a day once, then she talked herself out of it'

I get your irritation OP - it sounds as if your friend is sad, which is perfectly understandable and warrants sympathy, but sadness and depression aren't the same and they don't feel the same - I;ve had both sometimes at the same time (actually depression more or less a permanent state for me in varying degrees of being controlled).

But I'd just ignore and not let it wind you up if possible, it really doesn't matter much in the biger picture if people mislabel their illness or feelings, since the GP gave her AntiD's she probably thinks they have been given to her for depression whether she actually has it or not (and she could have other stuff happening that she hasn;t shared with you).

The main thing I find in dealing with my depression is not allowing other people's shit to affect me, they can say or do what they like, how I deal with it is the bit I can control. and you have the choice of getting wound up or just inwardly rolling your eyes and getting on with your life and keeping yourself as well as possible.

I concentrate more on advixing her not to keep getting back together with the boyfriend and to move on with her life . (As in 'it seems to be boyfriend who make you feel sad, wouldn't it be better not to let him do that by giving yourself some time and space away from him permanently?)

I don't think you're being unreasonable. And as I see it either way your friend has a problem. She is either suffering true depression but bouncing on and off her meds in favour of 'feeling fixed' from a boyfriend ie, doesn't really believe/accept in her own depression or the medication needed to treat it/needs cognitive therapy, Or she isn't depressed and is feeling sadness but doesn't know how to cope with those feelings and is being treated inappropriately by the GP.

Perhaps you could try to talk to her, to see if she will open up a little about her true feelings. Anti-depressants can have a negative impact if they are on/off and her GP is too busy to dig to deeper. I've seen it happen loads - meds issued based on a 10 min conversation with no real diagnosis or care pathway. It would be good if she could get in touch with Steps to Wellbeing for proper support and to learn coping mechanisms - then they can decide whether she needs medicating.

It's just I know if he text her today her depression would be fine.

You don't know that.
You're guessing that.
And even if it were that she exhibited enhanced mood around him, it doesn't mean she's cured.

Unbelievable.

It's just I know if he text her today her depression would be fine.

Which is a prime indicator of an adjustment disorder. Imagine how difficult it must be that your emotions are so tightly tied to the reactions of others. Pretty exhausting, no?

OP I don’t think you are trying to compete with who is more depressed. I have suffered with depression and I know it just doesn’t miraculously disappear that quickly. Well not for me anyway. I think what you are saying is she is making a mockery of depression. She may be very upset and sad when dumped, she may well be feeling depressed by it but I don’t think it’s the correct terminology she is using and I don’t think the GP should have given out pills that quickly either.

Since when has being utterly miserable because you have been dumped a “ mental illness”?

You don't sound unkind - don't go away from this with ' strangers on the internet think I am unkind' because it doesn;t matter what people post or say about you - they don't know you. You are irritated by a friend because you are going through depression which is awful that doesn;t mean you want her to suffer (no where have you said that) it would be nice if she recognised your condition but she may be a bit self absorbed or unobservant. Concentrate on what you like about her as a friend and ignore and rapidly change subject if you feel it is winding you up.

Sometimes people say they have the same or something similar to you in health terms because they are clumsily trying to connect with you, but it can be infuriating if you feel they don;t really understand your condition and that it really isn't a case of take a few pills and you will be better, it can be a lifelong battle and we have to get through it as best we can in our own way, over the years i've learned to filter out crap other people say and wrap myself in a cocoon where I look after myself first and acknowledge to myself when things are hard and I am struggling. It has made me a bit less angry about how my condition is misunderstood.

You are not unkind OK ? - You have a right to express how you feel.

Sometimes people say they have the same or something similar to you in health terms because they are clumsily trying to connect with you,

Or maybe it's because depression covers a myriad of symptoms? None of us here will have identical symptoms, yet many of us will have experienced depression, and none of our experiences are less valid than someone else's.

Loads of people 'need' antidepressants after shit events when the reality is they have a totally normal reaction and it just isnt nice to grin and bear.
Then they dramatise it by saying 'god it was so awful i needed antidepressants' to make it sound worse.
I agree op that the quiet clical depressives go through a different type of hell which doesnt get better for the situation having improved and suffer in a quiet and non dramatic way. Not that all people needing ads are like that, but those like your friend are.

Clinical