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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what the strangest thing is that you've seen in a family home/life...

888 replies

purpleworms · 03/01/2019 12:06

...that to them was completely normal?

I have just seen someone asked this on an AMA on their Instagram. Their reply was walking around fully naked in front of parents/siblings/any family members.

While this is obviously okay for some, if it happened in a home I was visiting I'd be Shock but that's just because it's not the norm in my family.

I'm racking my brains but I don't think I've ever noticed anything! But people have such different ways/customs within their home lives and routines. We all regard our own as normal without ever really knowing if what's normal to us is strange to others!

OP posts:
ChesterGreySideboard · 07/01/2019 21:12

A family member of mine very recently lived in a tiny tiny terrace. Just a front room and a kitchen down stairs and two bedrooms upstairs. Their bathroom was a small showerroom with a toilet under the stairs.
When they had a baby they had a tin bath in the front room in front of the fire. Dad or mum and baby would get in together.
This was not less that 5 years ago.

MeMumsMedicine · 07/01/2019 21:14

No dotty having a bath in water that someone else has had a bath in really isn't a luxury thing. Howabout you have the first bath before your DH and parents? Would they consider that a luxury?

HollaHolla · 07/01/2019 21:17

Well. Just realised we were also weird, as did the bath water thing. I used to get in after mum - right into my teens. We wouldn’t have enough hot water for two baths. Dad & 2 brothers had theirs on a Friday, and mum & I on a Sunday. We had an electric shower too, for getting clean. I realised I said to my mum over xmas, after having a nice relaxing bath - ‘do you want me to leave my water for you?’ I’m 42, and they have no shortage of hot water. Old habits, eh. 😳

Janedoe5000 · 07/01/2019 21:18

I don't understand the need to share bath water in this day and age. I know a family comprising mum, dad, son, daughter and they shared bath water into the children's 20s. Why? It can't be about saving money because not only were/are they well off but they'd spend money on all sorts of white like buying 30 bottles of premium pop every week.

Janedoe5000 · 07/01/2019 21:19

*Shite, not white.

dottygreen · 07/01/2019 21:25

I sometimes go before my mum yeah, she doesn't mind. I dunno I can't be arsed to empty it and re run one and it does seem like a waste. The reason I like having a bath there is cos it's really deep.

My dh doesn't share bathwater with my parents though now THAT would be weird. I do have some caveats. Grin

Smeeeeeee · 07/01/2019 21:33

I'm surprised that it seems to be normal to be able to run more than one deep hot bath in an evening. Our water takes hours to reheat enough for another bath.

ChesterGreySideboard · 07/01/2019 21:38

With a combi boiler, Smeeee you can run endless hot water.

ShirleyPhallus · 07/01/2019 21:49

Sharing bath water is 😷

Smeeeeeee · 07/01/2019 21:52

Endless hot water you say!? ShockGrin Do you need mains gas..?

dontneedthedrama · 07/01/2019 21:59

That was probably the reason why we did it when young had to heat water up on a immersion I think it was called . With a combi boiler no need and of course it is a bit rank Confused

Motoko · 07/01/2019 22:03

Not everyone has a combi-boiler. We don't, as we have an old oil fired system. No gas here. So once the hot water tank's been emptied, it takes a while to heat up another tankful.

ChesterGreySideboard · 07/01/2019 22:08

I know not everyone has a combi, but I was answering Smeee being surprised that people can fill two baths.

Oh, and my folks have a combi without having mains gas.

bluejelly · 07/01/2019 22:11

We often share bathwater in our house. Better for the environment and saves time. No-one has died yet Grin

elephantoverthehill · 07/01/2019 22:16

Sharing bath water used to be the norm in the '70s, and sharing the bath with siblings. Sitting on the loo whilst DM was in the bath was very 'normal' too. It was about the only time we could have a quiet conversation. And as for the takeaway non sharers can you eat a whole take away portion? If there are, say 6 of us, we will order 4 main courses, rice etc but there are always leftovers.

Believeitornot · 07/01/2019 22:25

We had an immersion heater for hot water and did not share bath water.
Instead we would wash using hot water in a bucket and sit in the bath with the bucket and use soap etc.
Very weird thinking about it now but actually worked really well at getting you clean!
Then we had an electric shower installed which was awesome.

Girlwhowearsglasses · 07/01/2019 22:28

When I was about to be a student I had to find accommodation from a list of willing families: I went to Art School and they didn’t have halls of residence. They also didn’t check the veracity of the list of rooms- they sent new student a list of lodgings and let them get on with it.
You had to sit on the phone and try and arrange to visit the ones you thought looked ok (maybe two sentences about them in the list). Loads of the obviously decent ones went immediately.

So anyway me and my patents came to London for the day with a list of appointments. It was awful.

One of the rooms was in the saddest house I’ve ever visited. (This was the early nineties - so peak Laura Ashley). Everything in the entire house was Laure Ashley- floral, ruched Faux Victorian. The room was very high spec and their bathroom had a roll top bath and Victorian taps etc. About half way through the visit they told us that their 14 year old son had died - he was on photos all over the place. They had no other children and were obviously channelling their energy into the house. It was extremely sad and not a little creepy. I did not take the room.

The room I did take was a family with small kids. They used to wake me at 5 am and come in my room ! (The kids). They complained that I wasn’t like the lodger they had the previous year - who only cooked pizza and was never in. I cooked (taking up room in the kitchen) and was often in of an evening Hmm.

Fantata · 07/01/2019 22:38

I used to share bath water with my immediate family growing up and now I share it with DH. Usually me first, sometimes him. We have a massive bath. It would feel very wasteful to run two baths. Like pp, we use the bath to relax not to wash or wash hair. If I want to shave my legs, DH goes in first.

LearningMySelfWorth · 07/01/2019 23:14

@elephantoverthehill, usually if I'm not sharing a take away does two meals no issues. I can't finish a full one on my own.

My mum often asks me when I'm getting out of the bath to leave the water in for her to use and I often do the same to her. She really hates wasting water.

BearFoxBear · 07/01/2019 23:24

A takeaway does me for 2 nights - imagine getting the food I want 2 nights in a row Grin

DH's ex boss used to make leftover curry toasties in a toastie machine - for breakfast! ShockGrin

ProfessorSillyStuff · 07/01/2019 23:28

I was raised in an odd way.

My mother was a jw and so we didn't have any presents, ever, instead we got to do door to door service where strangers would scream swear words at us and slam the door in our faces and little old ladies would offer us bananas and biscuits

My father was nocturnal, illiterate, unemployed, filthy and abusive. They were always rowing or not talking.

I was the youngest and my siblings were all much older and I wasn't allowed to be friends with anyone who wasn't a jw. No-one ever arranged a play date for me to my knowledge. No-one ever went on holiday or out for food and we didn't have a car. All money went into doing the house up and donated to jw religion. I never had new garments or pyjamas or toys. All my toys were filthy broken hand me downs with pieces missing. My feet were always black.
The house was a building site with all work being carried out by my dad. It was freezing and filthy despite my mum's best efforts.

Given all that it wasn't too bad as my mum was lovely!

ProfessorSillyStuff · 07/01/2019 23:46

Now about the takeaway. Who gives a damn. All the takeaway posts are making this thread less interesting. Can't believe some care so much about it, you're lucky to afford such things at all.

Sharing bathwater is obviously the right thing to do, water is a precious commodity and the hot stuff doubly so, whether you are rich or poor. However I really don't understand why the grubbiest, biggest person with the strongest immune system would go first? In my home we are blessed to have fantastically efficient gas boiler, but I still reuse the bathwater. I bath my kids first, 18 months and 2.5 years, both boys, together or after one another. Once I've dressed them and given them milk I jump in and top up with hot. Then hubby as he's a minger anyway who only baths every fortnight or so ! However I feel older kids should be allowed their own clean bathwater or to take a shower. I also feel it's weird for any parent or kid to be naked round each other once they are old enough to remember it or not need help washing and dressing, except when necessary or maybe between say two close sisters when getting ready to go out or borrowing clothes trying on clothes for example!

Some of the stories on here are really sad, to the people who saw kids in chicken poo for example , please everyone, report report report, no need for it to be that way, contact the multi agency safeguarding hub for God's sake, if there's no issue then no harm done.

Schmoobarb · 08/01/2019 00:20

I think sharing bath water after a baby has been in is ok although I haven’t done it myself. Mind you mine shat in the bath with alarming frequency Envy

Otherwise it’s a no from me. Ew. I have no desire to sit a bath of my mum/dad/sister/husband’s arse and feet particles, no matter how much I love them!

I’ve heard of bathwater sharing quite a lot though so it can’t fall into the “odd” category.

Leonard1 · 08/01/2019 00:29

Was in Montreal on a short course studying. Went clubbing with people (some I knew already) and it was good fun. Came out of a club to go back to our various hotels when whilst walking along we were beckoned upstairs to a party in a flat. None of us knew anyone in the flat but went went up and it was fine. People having a few drinks and dancing. All friendly and relaxed. Nice modern flat. I then needed to go to the toilet and found the bathroom but realised there was no door only a massive curtain. Was worried in case anyone just came in so had to get my friend to hold the curtain shut!! Next day we laughed at what a good night it had been.

Smallhorse · 08/01/2019 03:11

Why do some people find it hard to understand sharing bath water ?
We did it growing up because we did not have much money and it would be wasteful not to