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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

holiday plans and daughter pregnant

56 replies

Gramsinturmoil · 03/01/2019 11:10

Am in turmoil re my daughters pregnancy and my planned/booked holiday!
My daughter is 12 weeks pregnant , the problem? her due date is smack bang in the middle of my planned 3 month overseas trip. She has listened to me plan this trip and an ensuing 12 month extended travel plans and didn't say a word..i booked, paid and confirmed travel arrangements prior to being told!
I am very torn with what to do :( my partner is looking forward to me joining him but feel like I should be here :(

OP posts:
LovingLola · 03/01/2019 11:12

Is it possible that she doesn't want you to be around when the baby is born?

LongWalkShortPlank · 03/01/2019 11:12

Just come back for a couple of weeks around the birth?

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2019 11:12

Why didn't she tell you? Was she already pregnant when you booked?

Are you close? Will she expect you to be around?

girlwithadragontattoo · 03/01/2019 11:12

If she listened to you planning your trip and didn't say anything it's probably because she's got this, and doesn't need your support at this time. If she did she would have said something to you

CountessVonBoobs · 03/01/2019 11:12

How old is your daughter? Does she have a partner?

If she didn't say anything, it implies that she doesn't really mind if you aren't there. And if she's an established grown up and has a partner, does it matter if you don't meet the baby until they're 6 weeks old? Obviously things are different if she's 17 and still lives with you.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 03/01/2019 11:13

Where will you be?

Singlebutmarried · 03/01/2019 11:14

What does your daughter want?

She may not want/need you nearby.

shpoot · 03/01/2019 11:14

The baby will only be 6 weeks old when you get back. Just go on your trip and be thankful that your daughter is not the precious type who expects the world to stop because she's having a child

Original poster
Gramsinturmoil · 03/01/2019 11:16

she says its ok, I was there for the first birth, kept this pregnancy quiet as subsequent pregnancies have failed at the end of first trimester, the disappointment has been great.
I know she has this, she is all grown up, has a partner, etc
We are close, I guess thats why i am torn

OP posts:
CountessVonBoobs · 03/01/2019 11:17

Also, crazy idea but why not ask your daughter what she thinks you should do, and if she's ok with you being away when she's due.

CountessVonBoobs · 03/01/2019 11:18

Okay. No dilemma then. She's fine, it's not her first baby. Go on your trip. She doesn't need or really want you there.

CrookedMe · 03/01/2019 11:19

I would honestly have struggled so much if my mum hadn't been around after my second.

If you can be there, I would.

loubluee · 03/01/2019 11:20

OP she doesn’t want you there with her.

GruciusMalfoy · 03/01/2019 11:21

Talk to her. She could be perfectly fine. I wouldn't need my mother to cancel a trip because I'd had another baby.

Nanny0gg · 03/01/2019 11:22

It might not be so much that she doesn't want you there as she wants you to go on your trip.

BarbarianMum · 03/01/2019 11:22

I think take the holiday. Then you'll be refreshed and ready to help for the nect year +. Your dd and her partner have plenty of time to arrange alternative support for the first 6 weeks.

CatnissEverdene · 03/01/2019 11:25

I couldn't leave her.

I've always been on hand when DD had her kids.... she will really need you if you are close.

And can you imagine not seeing your grandchild for 6 weeks??

Moussemoose · 03/01/2019 11:28

She hasn't told you because she is not bothered.

This is your problem not hers.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 03/01/2019 11:28

Enjoy your holiday. All the best to your daughter for the next few months.

Jaxhog · 03/01/2019 11:29

Okay. No dilemma then. She's fine, it's not her first baby. Go on your trip. She doesn't need or really want you there.

I agree. She's ok for you not to be there, you should be too.

ChasedByBees · 03/01/2019 11:30

Go on holiday. You can skype when the baby is born and see them, and then meet them in person when they’re still very little.

Owwlie · 03/01/2019 11:30

she will really need you if you are close

The OPs DD clearly doesn't see it that way. She would have mentioned it sooner otherwise. Just go on your trip OP, she wil send you lots of pictures im sure. She's had a baby before so she knows what she's dealing with and obviously knows she can handle the situation.

Madmozzie · 03/01/2019 11:31

If she knew while you were enthusing about planning and booking the trip she probably didn't want you to feel like you had to give up your holiday on her account. Also may have been worried about you pulling out for nothing if there had been a problem with the pregnancy.
She'll be a lot more confident this time round, as it's not all new, so while the first few weeks may be easier with you around, shell manage fine without you! And you'll be back in time to help out once exhaustion has set in :)

shpoot · 03/01/2019 11:31

And I'm sure she just wants you to enjoy your trip. I'm close to my mum but didn't need her to raise my babies for me. She didn't have to come and stay etc or be there at the birth. That's what partners are for.

Enjoy your trip!

Namechangearoo · 03/01/2019 11:35

And can you imagine not seeing your grandchild for 6 weeks

My parents and parents-in-law didn’t. I live abroad. One set met him at 7 weeks, the other at 9 weeks. It was what my husband and I wanted as a family - time to bond alone - and our parents happily respected that. Our son has a wonderful relationship with his grandparents now. I don’t get this thing about making the baby all about you! You had your time with your own children to do as you liked - now it’s their turn to do it the way they want. You don’t lay claim to a baby just because you’re related to it.

OP, just have a chat with your daughter and see what she’d like you to do.