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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think no, I am not too young

61 replies

RedEyedGirl · 02/01/2019 18:52

I am 27, and been with my OH for 9 years. We live together, are looking for a house to buy, and are engaged.

I received a comment today from a woman I work with. She asked me about my engagement ring, and then how old I was, how long we'd been together etc. When I said we'd been together since we were 18 she said, "that's young. But even now, you're still too young to get married."

I am a bit offended. She may be in her late 30s, but she has known her husband for only 4 years (so less time than I have known my OH), and had a baby after knowing him less than a year. Yet I am 'too young' despite knowing my partner for nearly a decade Hmm

AIBU to think age doesn't matter? It's not like we are not teenagers.

OP posts:
Bubba1234 · 02/01/2019 18:54

People just say the silliest things sometimes don’t they ugh
It’s defo not too young in fact a nice age to get married x

Butchyrestingface · 02/01/2019 18:56

You're clearly not too young to get married. But I don't think I'd go so far as to age "doesn't matter".

Maybe she thinks you haven't had the opportunity to "sew your wild oats" by being with someone from age 18. But that assumes that a) you haven't done so and b) that you would have wanted to do so.

What does it matter what the woman says anyhoos? Just smile and ignore.

lilyheather1 · 02/01/2019 18:57

I just turned 27 and I'm getting married in May. Ignore that woman, she's off her rocker. Enjoy your engagement and your DP, she can jog on.

gimmeadoughnut123 · 02/01/2019 19:01

I had this when I got married to my husband. People drove me mad with opinions that I did not want, nor did I ask for. To be honest, I think it was jealousy on their part, which sounds awful of me really. Most of it was just work colleagues that I would never have spoken to outside of the office to be honest.

I was 22 when I got married. We had been together since we were 16. Engaged at 20. I got so much of "you're far too young to get married" etc. We are now 25 and very happy, expecting our first child, with a mortgage. Been together 9 years next month.
On the other hand, I know a lot of people that meet people at 30, and are married a year later. Nobody says a word. They also often have children a year later.

People seem to focus so much on age that they ignore how long you have known each other, or been together. My husband has supported me through some of the hardest times in my life, health issues, etc. I am absolutely blessed to have met him at the age I did, and feel sorry for the individuals that feel we shouldn't have even been together at 22 as we should be "playing the field".

My parents got together at 17, and are still together (very happily married) at 63. They are best friends.

GlamourBear · 02/01/2019 19:01

What a silly comment just ignore her! I'd assume it's because you're not doing things at the same age she is she things it's too young?!

I got married at 27 after being with my now husband since I was 18. We had a baby a year later. Definitely did not feel too young at 27,we felt like we'd had enough time to get our careers sorted, buy our family home and save for a wedding ready to start a family afterwards. It worked for us as we didn't rush things but if I'd not met him until I was in my 30s I wouldn't have waited 9 years to get married and have a baby either.

After knowing each other for 15 years and being together for 12 we know each other inside out!

GlamourBear · 02/01/2019 19:02

Thinks not things sorry!

blueskiesandforests · 02/01/2019 19:02

It's a bit random, 29 is the average age women in the UK marry at I think so you'll be close to average.

I'd assume that she meant you met him too young - you've never had another relationship as an adult. It's not what most people would advise as during rough or boring patches you have no comparison, but there's nothing you can do about that, it's just luck that you met him at 18 not 25 after having a couple of other reasonable length adult relationships... You can't plan for that!

Her comment was thoughtless.

gimmeadoughnut123 · 02/01/2019 19:03

To answer your original question - no, you are not too young. Different people want different things. If she didn't want to settle or hadn't found anyone to settle with at your age, that has nothing to do with what you should do. Politely smile and ignore her.

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 02/01/2019 19:04

It's a throw away comment, my daughter is 28, in August 2018 she married her fiance, they have been together since she was 18 and he only her second boyfriend. They were not too young to get married and nor are you.

OrdinarySnowflake · 02/01/2019 19:04

The summer I was 27, I had a summer when DH and I had only 1 weekend between the Easter holidays and start of September when we didn't have a wedding or a hen/stag do to go to. (We ended up tagging a few days on either side of a few weddings in interesting parts of the country/Europe rather than trying to do a proper holiday). It was a combination of my friends and DH's friends (who were 2 years older).

We got married when I was 28, which ended up being another year of weddings. Amongst my friends and school gate parents I know who are late 30s, most have been married since late 20s. It's an age that many people start making the 'forever' plans, starting to get married, buy houses, plan children.

sueelleker · 02/01/2019 19:06

I married my first and only boyfriend at the age of (just turned) 21. We're still together 43 years on.

smartcarnotsosmartdriver · 02/01/2019 19:07

We met when I was 18, when we married I was 22. I got the "you're so young" comments but 4 years on we're still very happy and the comments have died away.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 02/01/2019 19:13

Stupid comment from her and I wonder if she’s actually jealous, maybe she felt the pressure of age when she got together with her partner and felt rushed into having a baby so quickly. She may even have “settled” ie felt like maybe he isn’t “the one” but woukd make a decent husband and father.

You’re doing it the better way, in my opinion. You know your OH inside and out . You’ve had many years of being a couple the ties of kids, and just enjoying each other. She didn’t, I bet she regrets that she didn’t meet him sooner.

Honestly, I bet it’s just coming from a place of jealousy.

SadCupcake · 02/01/2019 19:13

My goodness.. if she thinks you're too young to get married at 27, I'd be shamed for being with my partner at 18, engaged at 20, married at 21, baby at 22!
Everyone does things differently at different points in their life, depends on what you want Star

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 02/01/2019 19:40

I hate this. Can you imagine the uproar if you said to someone "You're far too old to meet someone!"

supergrains · 02/01/2019 23:58

You're not too young, just a random comment from a stranger.
People tend to mix with birds of a feather and she and her friends might get married later than the average, so it seems young to her.

Exgiraffe · 03/01/2019 00:12

Yes I've found that people are too quick to say you're too young to do all sorts of things these days!! It seems the 'correct' age to do things is shrinking to a teeny tiny window!

She is being ridiculous. We had pretty much the exact same time frame as you op with regards to time frames of meeting, marrying etc, managed to squeeze having dc in my late 20s- early 30s also, but still get comments that I'm too young to have primary school aged dc!! Stange modern phenomenon of an age obsessed society I think!

SilverBirchTree · 03/01/2019 00:32

🤷🏻‍♀️ a random comment. Why did it bother you enough to be stewing about it later?

Lalliella · 03/01/2019 00:49

My friend and her DH have been together for 40 years since they were 14 and they married at 19. Your friend is talking nonsense. Everyone is different and of course age doesn’t matter, it’s just a number. It’s outlook and attitude that count.

Thetigerwhocameto · 03/01/2019 00:59

We had similar comments DH and I had been together since we were 15 and got married when we were 27. A few of my colleagues passed comments about being young and wanting to have more experiences 🙄 (we went to separate unis and have travelled far and wide, together and apart). When I fell pregnant months after the wedding (planned) the same colleague told me we were rushing things and should enjoy getting to know our marriage first 🙄 I’m 100% sure neither of us changed after our wedding. DD is the thing that has changed our lives the most in the last 13 years!!

MsHopey · 03/01/2019 01:05

Met my DH at 17 (he was my first boyfriend) we got engaged at 18 but didn't really take it too seriously at the time. Got married at 21, we're now nearly 27 with a 17mo DS and 23 weeks pregnant with baby number 2.
I am the happiest person I know and I think we've got a pretty successful relationship.
I know people who have been together years and are miserable, I know people who have been together months and are miserable.
If you're happy I honestly would not give a shit what anyone else has to say.
Even when I tell people how happy I am they still say we're too young to know it'll last. Technically, yeah, they're right, only time will tell, but surely that's the case whether you're 16 or 56.

jessstan2 · 03/01/2019 01:07

Stupid woman, you are at a perfect age now and will be for a couple more years, to get married. Not that it's anyone else's business of course. You sound very sensible indeed, just ignore inane remarks like that though I hope you don't receive any more.

The next thing will be about you starting a family....aaargh! Why can't people keep their noses out?

Returning2thesceneofthecrime · 03/01/2019 01:21

It says more about her than it does about you.

I suspect that she is ‘feeling her age’ or is a little envious of you finding happiness earlier than she did or maybe she really enjoyed her single life and thinks you should have the same. In any case, she is judging your decisions based on her experiences.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 03/01/2019 01:30

Some people bizarrely seem to think that being even a little bit older than another independent adult forever automatically gives them more knowledge, intelligence and wisdom and a right to comment (and to offer/decline their approval) on the decision that the slightly junior person has carefully chosen to make.

YANBU - you're not too young at all.

I was married at 22 so, if my opinion on your lifestyle choices counts for anything (clue: it doesn't), you're actually rather an elderly bride Grin Grin Grin

TheDarkPassenger · 03/01/2019 01:34

Bit over the top to be offended I think!

You’re not too young, she might be jealous/ have her own issues